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“Nap, my ass. I was just resting my eyes for a minute.”
“Okay. If you’re sure you’re not tired?”
“Young lady, don’t make me have to take you to task for mouthing off to your elders. Now get yourself up and walk with me. Fresh air is good for my lungs.”
I hold my hands up, amused. Glad to see some of his former bluster back. “I agree with you. Fresh air is good for us all, especially on a nice summer day. Where’s your walker?” I look around the room trying to find it.
“I don’t need that damn thing.” He pushes a button on his chair and I watch it practically raise him onto his feet without having to bend his knees to stand up. “See that. Now, why would I need that thing?” He tilts his head to where the walker is in the corner. “Besides, I’m going to have a beautiful girl on my arm to help lighten my load. Now let’s go.” He holds his arm out for me to take.
“Yes, sir.” I smile, taking his arm and holding on as tight as I can, leading him out of his door. I’m glad to see his fighting spirit is back. Almost like the grandpa I knew before his health started to deteriorate. When he was the grandpa I knew when I was a little girl, he wouldn’t take anyone's bullshit or let anyone give us shit either, especially for my mother's behavior. When people would make snide remarks about her in front of us he would cut them down but he would do it so artfully with a smile and a wink to us that at times I wasn’t sure he was agreeing with them or telling them to mind their own fucking business. But I’m sure the adults he was talking to knew.
For some reason, though—I suspect because of us—he let my mother get away with things he wouldn’t tolerate from anyone else. That’s just one of the reasons it hurts to see him like this, almost frail, but seeing him today and hearing him talk…you never know, he might prove his doctors and nurses wrong. I want andneedhim to be around for far longer than they think he will be.
“I’ve missed you,” he says as we walk around the little garden in the back of the nursing home. “You should come to visit me more, bring the boys next time.”
“I will. I thought it would be best for me to come during my lunch break this time, and I didn’t want to wait too long before our next visit. I have to work later than usual tonight.”
“I understand.” He pats my hand as we stop at one end of the garden, where they have a little pond with two baby ducks the nursing home has adopted as pets, and the residents apparently love taking care of. “I wish…” he stops, takes a deep breath, and sighs.
I look at him, worried he might be getting tired from the walk down from his room and around the garden. “Do you need to sit on the bench?” I point to a bench on the other side of the little pond.
“No, no, I’m all right. It’s…well you work a lot, don’t you? You’re taking care of everyone, including me. It shouldn’t be that way.” He shakes his head looking away. “I should be taking care of you all, but look at me. I can’t even take care of myself so well. Don’t ever get old, it’s a bitch.” He looks back at me with a sad smile. “So much on such young shoulders isn’t right?”
Shoot. I clear my throat and school my face so my true emotions won’t show. If I don’t, I’m going to cry because he thinks he’s letting me down and that’s the farthest thing from the truth. If anything he’s the only constant I ever had in my life and through his example and hard work is the only reason I’m able to keep going for all of us.
I know if he could he would be the one doing it all, keeping this family together. “Grandpa, you have always taken care of all of us. You’re not letting any of us down. You have always been the one constant for us when everyone else let us down or gave up on us. I hope you know how much you mean to us. You’ll get better and you’ll come home. I know you will. So don’t worry about all that other stuff, we’re fine, okay?”
His lip curls up at the side in a lopsided smile. From this close-up in the sunlight next to him, I can see how much the mini-strokes have affected his facial features. And that breaks my heart even more.
“You need someone to help you out with those kids, Vanessa. If only you had a good man. Like I had your mama. Someone strong and dependable you could count on in good times and bad. I would worry less.”
I take a deep breath and hold it in for a few seconds, blinking back the storm of tears threatening to burst free. I know this happens from time to time, his memories and time get mixed around, but when it does it’s hard. I don’t want to upset him so I do what’s best and tell him the truth and hope it eases his mind. “You know, I did meet someone. He’s a good guy. I know I’ve said this a thousand times before but this time I’m sure. He reminds me a lot of you. He is kind and caring and he listens to me.”
“Really?” He stares at me, sounding more upbeat.
I nod. “Yes, he does.”
“In what way, because you think everyone is the one.”
“Well, let’s see. He’s great with the boys and they like him. Especially Axel. On Sunday he showed up at the house and surprised us with tickets to an amusement park. He paid for everything and refused to take a dime for anything, even though the boys probably bankrupted him with the amount of food alone they ate.” I smile. “And I forgot to tell you, he also helped me fix the porch that was falling apart. And you know how Drew is, a pain in the ass.” I smirk. “His patience has been tested and he’s passing the test.”
He laughs. “I’m so happy to hear it. Everyone needs to have an abundance of patience with Drew, but he’s a good kid. He needs someone with a strong will, and mind of their own to guide him and help keep him going in the right direction. You should bring this guy…what’s his name, again?”
“Noah.” I smile just saying his name out loud to my grandpa.
“Noah is a strong name.” He nods to himself. “Bring him by one day. I’d like to meet him.”
“Maybe, but he’s busy. He’s a cop.”
“Well, now! Look at that. I never thought I’d see the day.” He laughs. “I’m glad that I have though.”
I laugh with him shaking my head. “I’m sure you didn’t. No one else either.”
“Does he get along with Lexi?”
“He does. They get on the best. She really likes him. She hopes he’ll stick around. He promised he would but you know how it is. You never know what will happen, do you? She has high hopes for this one. I’m crossing my fingers it’ll work out for her sake this time.”
“If Lexi likes him and thinks he’s a good person, I’ll go with it. That little girl has a good head on her shoulders. She’s a bit too serious for her age though. She’s a thinker and a nurturer all the way, she gets that from your mother.” He smiles warmly. “I hope she gets her wish on this one and Noah is finally the right one who sticks around for you.”
