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Ryan will let me know if any of this is getting to him if I ask, and Axel is an open book most of the time. My biggest worry is Drew. His moods are so up and down, more than they have ever been. If I ask him how he’s feeling depending on the day he could give me a shrug and say he’s all right, or leave me the hell alone, fuck. He’s a mixed bag of emotions and it won’t be good for any of us right now.
Oh well. I unfold the piece of paper which looks like another rough drawing. This time though, it’s of what looks like…a bedroom, with only walls, a bed, and wood floors. It’s similar to the other one he gave me last time but this one has an x on the floor. “Hmm…oh Grandpa.” I put the drawing in my drawer with the other one. My phone rings and it’s a text from Celeste,
Don’t be late.
Your special client has requested to spend the evening with you again.
“I’m sure he has.” I sigh and send a thumbs-up emoji back to her. I go downstairs to get something to eat before I put on my clothes and leave. Drew is in the kitchen, sitting at the table with the laptop open and a few envelopes next to him that look like the damn bills I forgot to stuff back in my drawers upstairs. “What are you doing?” I say, opening the fridge.
“I’m trying to figure out why the hell you didn’t say anything about all these past due bills and our house about to go into foreclosure. You weren’t going to tell us we’re about to be fucking homeless!”
I close my eyes and summon all my calm. “Axel and Ryan will hear you. Stop being so damn dramatic. We’re not going to be kicked out as long as I have next month’s payment and I make sure we only stay two months behind.”
“Are you serious? What kind of half-assed plan is that, Lexi?”
“I almost have all the money. I’ll have the rest of it when I get my paycheck next week.”
“It’s the seventh of the month. If I’m reading this thing right—“ He waves the paper in the air. “We only have until the fucking fifteenth. What the hell, were you going to wait until we came home one day with a big fucking X and lock on the door before you said anything to us?”
“Of course not.” I close the fridge door, going over to him. “They can’t just kick us out like that. I researched it.” I grabbed his arm, forcing him to look at me and not through me like he wants to strangle me. “Drew, you gotta trust me on this.”
“Huh,” he snorts.
“I mean it. If I didn’t have the money in time—well, I would do anything to get it. Do you hear me, anything?” I stare into his eyes so he knows how serious I am. “I’m not like our mother. I won’t let us down. I can fix this. I always find a way, don’t I?”
Lips puckered, he nods his head. “You do. But this time feels different, Lex. You’re holding stuff back from us.From me. We don’t work that way. I know I’m acting like a little shit, but sometimes I can’t help it. I'm trying to figure some things out.”
“Like what? You can tell me.” I practically beg, squeezing his forearm. “You don’t have to figure it out on your own.”
“That’s the thing. This is somethingI needto figure out on my own. You can’t help me with this one.” He shakes his head looking down at where my hand is touching him.
“Are you in trouble, Drew? Please tell me if you are. Are you in some kind of trouble with the police, the people you hang out with?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. In the same way, you’re asking me to trust you, trust me. When I’m ready I’ll let you know.”
“Okay.” I take a deep breath and exhale but don’t feel any of the added tension from this conversation leave my body. “As long as it’s not anything that’s going to land you in jail or anything like that.”
“It’s not. But you need to be honest with me now. I overheard you talking on the phone a few months ago. I know where you go some nights. It’s not partying with your friends, is it?”
If I want him to be honest with me I need to be honest too, otherwise, he won’t trust me, will he? “No. There’s some stuff I’m not proud of. Stuff I won’t go into details on but it’s not as bad as you think. I’m not having sex with anyone or taking off my clothes. You know what a happy ending is, right?”
“For real, Lexi. It’s that club not far from the freeway, isn’t it? You have to be careful.”He shakes his head. “You’re worried about me getting arrested.”
“I’m careful. And the cops have only been by there once when someone held a party there and some drunk knuckleheads were fighting. Someone must have called the police but nothing happened. They just broke it up, asked some questions, and left.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better that you're jerking off guys for money and fu—
“Hey! Don’t.” I cut him off so I don’t hear anything he has to say which I know is only going to make me feel worse about the whole thing. “I’m not going to do it for much longer, okay? Just a few more months and I’ll start looking for other jobs. I was even thinking about taking a CNA course. When school starts for y’all again.”
“You are?”
“Yeah. I feel bad enough about this, but we need the money for the house and bills. What we all make together isn’t enough without this.”
“You shouldn’t even have to do this.Andyou’re dating a cop, Lex. What if Noah finds out? What then? How’s that going to go? Possibly arresting your girlfriend isn’t relationship goals.”
I can’t help but laugh a little even though this is far from funny. “He’s not my boyfriend.”
“Huh! You keep telling yourself that.”
