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“Because I want more than this. I’m that guy who wants a relationship and likes commitment.” I flick my finger between us and the bed. “I assumed what we were doing—all the time we’ve spent together was leading up to something more serious.” I stare at her, doubting if I could have been wrong about what’s been happening between us. But I can’t be the only one who feels the connection between us.
“I…” She stops, eyes darting around the room she falls silent, eyes cast down as if she can’t look at me anymore.
I’m conflicted by the impulse to pull her to me and comfort her and getting up and pacing the room in frustration. I thought we were headed in one direction. But…shit I need to know what we’re doing here because this is more than just I like spending time with you, and the sex is great, sort of thing. It’s even more frustrating that I know she’s holding back something from me. She wasn’t with Shauna yesterday. I would really like to give her the benefit of the doubt before I start digging into things further and finding out things that I probably won’t want to know.
“What do you think is going on here, Lexi?” I pull back from her making a little more space between us. “I know what I want but what do you want?”
“I…I, I need to go to the bathroom.”
“Lexi.”
“No, I’ll be back.” She holds up her hand and moves away from me, and leaves me alone in her room like she couldn’t escape fast enough.
Fuck.
* * *
Lexi
I shut the bathroom door, make sure it’s locked, and brace myself against the sink, looking into the mirror. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” I can’t keep doing this. He doesn’t know who I am and if he did, he wouldn’t want to be with me. He wouldn’t care if I was only doing this to save my family, to keep us from ending up on the street or worse separated from each other. He’s a cop. His job is to follow the rules, the law. And I’m breaking it. Drew was right. This can’t work. I knew it was coming but it was too soon. But sooner or later they find out who we are and they leave. I should learn by now, they always leave.
I come out of the bathroom in an old light blue robe I’ve had for years, on legs that feel like they’re walking through molasses, knowing what I have to do. I push open my door expecting to see Noah still in the bed but he’s not. He’s dressed and standing by my bed, head bent. “Where were you really last night?”
“What?” I know what he asked but I don’t know why he’s asking right now. He knows what I told him. So why the hell is he asking—unless, damn…he knows.
“Where were you? And before you say here with Shauna, really think about why I’m asking.”
“Why are you asking then?” I’m fucked. It’s obvious he knows something or else he wouldn’t question what I told him. He’s not asking in the voice I’ve come accustomed to. It’s the other one, the one that wants answers, with the ring of authority.
He lifts his head staring blankly at me, in a calm steady voice, “I want to hear you say it.”
“No.”
“No? Okay then.” He sighs, expelling a breath of air like he’s preparing himself for whatever he’s going to say next. “I kept thinking about how sad you were about your grandfather. I wanted to check on you and drop something off that I thought would make you feel better. When I got here though I saw you getting into your car and driving away. I wasn’t sure what was happening because you said you were going to be at home all night with Shauna. But there you were, well dressed and looking fabulous by the way.”
“Thank you,” I say with a hint of sarcasm. I cross my arms, pulling my robe closed closer around me, listening as he talks, feeling defensive and as if my privacy was being violated.
“Mmm…you pulled up to a club, got out, and went in. I was sitting in my car. I wasn’t sure what was going on. On one hand, I wanted to go in and ask you what the hell was happening. But you know how that would seem. So I fell back and went into surveillance mode. Sooner or later you would come out and maybe I would get a clue about what was happening.
“Not for one second did I think, though, that you might be there to see someone else. So I reasoned, maybe Shauna wanted to help you feel better another way. Maybe she told you to meet her there at that particular club. If anything, I’d wait till you came out and make sure you got home safely and that would be that.”
“That thought made me feel better. But then, after about an hour, when you came out you weren’t by yourself. Some guy had his hand on the small of your back and you turned to him and he kissed you on your cheek. To anyone, it would look innocent, but it wasn’t, was it? Do you want to tell me now who that guy was and why you lied to me? Or should I give you one of my theories?”
“Why stop now, it seems you have all the info, Officer James.”
“Still hope I’m not right.” He falls silent as if waiting for me to say yes but I stay silent and he clears his throat and goes on. “I did some asking around—”
“Sure you did. I wouldn’t expect anything less.”
“You shouldn’t but with you, I’ve been slipping.” He blows out a harsh breath running his fingers through his messy hair. The same hair not too long ago I ran my fingers through. “I found out some interesting things about that place. I hope—I don’t want to think it but, Lexi—”
“I don’t owe you anything,” I say, cutting him off. The last thing I need is for him to ask questions of me I can’t answer. It’s not only my life that telling him the truth will affect. Other girls work there, Shauna—if he knows the truth they’re going to be in trouble and it’ll be all my fault because I wanted him so badly I disillusioned myself into thinking I could live on both sides of the law and he wouldn’t find out.
I’m pissed at myself for not thinking, for being so stupid! So I do what comes naturally to me to protect the people I care about. I go into defense mode.
“Where I go and who I see is my business. I can’t believe you followed me like a criminal. I’m not one of your suspects, Officer James.”
“Back to that again.” He shakes his head like I’ve disappointed him in some way. “And here I was thinking we’ve come so far. I was wrong. Not often that happens, but we all get fooled once in a while, don’t we?”
