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“Maybe she is working at that club and picking up extra money on the side to help her family. Is that so bad? And it seems you deliberately didn’t point blank ask her the real question on your mind, because you are a cop. You know what you would have to do.”
“I—”
“Uh.” He holds a finger up, cutting me off. “So you’re working on the ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy.” He smirks. “I gotta say that could be dangerous in your lines of work. When your occupations and the person you're involved with don’t meet up to each other’s standards of crime and justice,orif they do meet up. I think arresting your girl is a relationship ender.”
“We don’t know if she entertains there,” I suddenly say, defending her from something I don’t know is true or not. “It is a club. People go there to have fun.”
“You are right about that. I had a lot of fun there back in the day. Good times.” He nods wistfully.
“Knock it off.” I walk around the couch and throw myself back on it.
“So what if she moonlights once in a while? It isn’t a crime.”
“Actually, it is.” I turn my head toward him and roll my eyes. “And if something happens there one day, like getting raided, I don’t want to be the one reading her her rights or anyone else she knows.”
“It shouldn’t be a crime, you know. It’s a profession like any other.”
“An illegal profession, and that’s what it is until the laws change.”
“Well keep thinking optimistically. She’s just there to have fun and blow off steam with her friends. With the responsibilities she’s carrying around, she deserves it. Shoot, I’d be off the walls if I was her.”
“Fuck, I know.” I rub my hands over my face. “The thing is, I can’t be with her and turn a blind eye. I wear a badge and I took an oath to serve, protect, and uphold the law. This is one of those times I wish I wasn’t like Dad, I didn’t take the responsibility of that badge so seriously.”
“But you do.”
“But I do. And for the first time, I realize how hard it is to choose between what I’ve sworn to do and the person I love. Maybe this is what Dad felt like all those times with you?”
He grunts, picks up his can, and turns it to his head before answering me. “Maybe. Want to know something?”
“What?”
“Going over to Lexi’s and doing things with her brothers felt like being a part of a family again. Something I haven’t felt in a long time. It felt good. Felt like I was wanted there.”
Looks like I wasn’t the only one who grew attached to Lexi and her family. I’m not the only one losing something they didn’t know they were looking for or wanted.
“Look at us, uh, two sappy mother fuckers.” He smiles trying to make light of what he just admitted. “Geez, being around you is making me lose my edge. I’m going to have to leave here and knock over a garbage can or something.”
I reach over and pat him on the leg. “Don’t worry about it, you’ll never lose your edge. Once a pain in the ass, always a pain in the ass.” I smile.
“Thanks.” He chuckles.
“And you know,” I say seriously. “We are still a family, even if it’s just the two of us you are always welcome wherever I am.”
He nods and taps my leg with his fist. At least I got one thing out of this mess. The start of a renewed relationship with my little brother.
“Pass over that greasy bag of goodness so I can drown my sorrows.” I point to the almost forgotten bag on the floor.
Nineteen
LEXI
“Thanks for helping me move some of this stuff in here, Shauna.”
“I was here anyway so why not just do it?” She puts an arm full of my clothes on the bed and sits next to me at the end.
I look around my grandfather's room with half of my things moved in and only his dresser left to move into my room. It was a hard decision to make but it was time to finally admit the truth. My grandpa’s gone. I thought I would have more time but it turns out we didn’t. And it’s been a rough couple of weeks. When I think I’ve accepted not seeing him again and things are going to be fine, I’ve cried my last tear, I’m proven wrong. That’s when the tears come the most and when they start, I can’t stop.
What pulls me together somewhat is Drew, Ryan, and especially Axel. Knowing that every time Axel sees me falling apart it affects him the most. He’s eating less and waking up sometimes twice a night. I don’t even try to discourage it when he sneaks into my bed in the middle of the night and falls asleep. I just hold him and tell him we are all going to be okay and nothing’s going to happen to any of us, cause that’s his biggest worry losing one of us. And it breaks my heart. It breaks even more when he often asks what happened to Noah. Why isn’t he coming back? And the one that really got me the other day. ‘Doesn’t he like us anymore?’
