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No, Axel, it's not that he doesn’t like us. It’s that your sister has screwed everything up and run him off so she wouldn’t have to see the look of disgust on his face when he found out what she did with other men for money. Yeah…not something you can say to a six-year-old who feels like he’s losing everyone he cares about.
I’m pulled out of my head and overthinking when Shauna’s phone chimes with a message. She looks at it and types something. “I didn’t know it was this late. I have to be at the club tonight. You good here?”
“I’m good. Most of my things are here. Smoke-fume-free. I can do everything else myself and tomorrow, when Drew and Ryan come home from their friend's houses, they’ll help me move the dresser to my room.”
“You know I could call and cancel if you want? I’ll ask Celeste to find someone else, tell her my best friend needs me more.”
“No. Bad enough I haven’t been there since Grandpa died. She’ll think I’m trying to sabotage her business or something. Somehow she found out about Thom’s proposition to me. She was not happy about losing a good customer and me.”
“For real? No wonder she’s been more strict with us and gave us all a refresher course in club rules and fraternizing with her clientele outside of the club.”
“Sorry about that.”
“Don’t worry about it. I don’t think she cares much about fraternizing outside the club if she gets a cut of whatever they give us. You never did tell me if you were going to accept his offer. I think it came at the perfect time actually. I mean your grandfather, god rest his soul, is gone which means another set of bills for youandthere is no more hot cop. You don’t need to worry about that anymore.”
“You are right about Grandpa and the bills that keep piling up. But Noah…sure the money would be great. Hell, I could quit my job at the store if I wanted with what Thom is offering. I could catch up on the mortgage and stop coming near to hyperventilating almost every night when my head hits the pillow and I’m alone staring up at the ceiling. But Noah… I can’t stop thinking of him. I know I hurt him. I can’t drag him into my life. He doesn’t fit in here, in our life. We’re on two different paths, mirror opposites.”
He’s smart, one of the kindest and most thoughtful men I’ve known besides my grandpa. He’s going places in life. In a few years, he’ll probably make detective. And where will I be? On some rich man's payroll to be at his beck and call? I shake my head at the thought. “All I can offer a man like Noah at this time in my life is lies. He deserves better than that, this. He’s too good for me.”
“Fuck that. You are every bit as kind and utterly unselfish as that man. You have so much to offer. I saw you two together. You both had a lot to offer the other. So stop selling yourself short. Your life is not near perfect, but you are doing what you need to do to support and protect your family. I’m just going to say it, your better than me because I don’t know how you do it all, including putting everyone else’s needs ahead of your own.”
I roll my eyes. “Please, I know you. If you were in my shoes you would do the same thing for your family and the people you love.”
“Maybe.” She stands up taking one of my hands. “You were falling in love with him weren’t you?”
“Maybe,” I say, quietly holding my head down not admitting the truth, I don’t even want to admit it to myself.
“Lexi, stop being so hard on yourself. You’re a good person. You’re only doing what you need to do to survive—whatever decision you make about that offer.” She hugs me tight, and I hug her back before she leaves and locks the door behind her.
* * *
“Okay…youcan put it in that corner over there,” I tell Ryan and Drew, each holding up a side of my dresser. “Oh no!” I stop them pointing to another side of the room. “I think it would look better closer to the door—you know what…”
“Lexi! This thing isn’t light, make up your damn mind or I’m leaving it in the middle of the room and you can move it yourself.” Drew glares at me.
“All right, all right, there in the corner, where Grandpa’s writing desk was.”
“Great! This thing weighs more than it looks,” Ryan says, putting it down and shaking his arms out.
“Good thing there’s two of you isn’t there, to help carry each other’s load.” I laugh. “Get it? Carry each other’s load.”
“No. The only one laughing at that lame-ass joke is you.” Drew pushes the dresser more into the corner.
“Whatever. It was funny.” I wave them off, moving in front of the dresser to get a better look, and notice it’s tilted to one side. “Does it look like it’s sinking to you?”
“Oh shit, it is,” Drew says.
“Oh, my god. The wood is breaking! Guys! lift it back up and move it over!” They lift it back up and shift it over and off the spot that was breaking. “We can not afford for that thing to fall through the floor. It’s going to leave a gaping hole up here and through the living room ceiling.”
“Is everything going to fall apart in this house,” Ryan mumbles.
“As long as I don’t have to fix it—”
Ryan cuts Drew off. “Too bad we can’t call up Noah.”
“Shut up.” Drew slaps him in the chest with the back of his hand.
“Oh.” Ryan’s eyes shift toward me and then away. “Sorry.”
