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“Thank you. For everything.”
An hour and a half later, I’m nodding off as Rainey and I wait for the nurse to bring in her discharge papers. Rainey’s going to be fine; a nasty ear infection is causing her pain and fever. The doctor speculates it’s been slowly building for several days, but she showed no signs until today. I feel terrible knowing I may have missed them, but the physician kindly explains that kids, especially hyperactive kids, don’t always slow down when they feel sick. With an antibiotic prescription in hand and instructions for controlling her pain, we’re out the door and on the way home.
Chapter 27
Logan
Afteralmosttwoweeksof antibiotics, Rainey’s nearly recovered from her illness. Witnessing Noah helicopter ‘parent’ was nothing short of amusing. She insisted on plenty of rest and keeping Rainey indoors except for school, so we spent most evenings and the weekends having movie marathons and teaching Maggie and Rainey how to play new board games.
It took some convincing, but Noah finally agreed to join my family for Thanksgiving, and I’m grateful to get out of the house today. The ride to the farm is quiet. Noah confided in me before we left the house that she’s nervous, and based on the way her leg’s bouncing a million miles a minute, I believe it. I didn’t tell her, but I’m just as nervous, if not more. I feel like I’m bringing a girl home to meet my family for the first time, which is ludicrous.
There’s also a sadness, knowing this is the first Thanksgiving Maggie and I will be without Hannah—the first one of the rest of our lives. Even though we were terrible cooks, Hannah adored Thanksgiving. We always picked up a pre-made turkey dinner from a local restaurant, grabbed a pumpkin pie from Whole Foods, and spent the day feasting. She insisted on watching the televised Thanksgiving Day parade every year and made me vote on the best floats.
I’m eager to see Noah’s reaction as we pull up the driveway to Rufus and Claire’s home. Noah’s big, gorgeous home leaves no doubt that she makes good money. It’s a stark contrast to my aunt and uncle’s lifestyle. I steal glimpses at her as their home comes into view. I didn’t expect a negative reaction, but I’m relieved when she claps in excitement and exclaims, “Wow—what a beautiful home.”
Maggie spots Rufus working in the front yard, and she’s out of her seat belt and booster seat, bouncing with excitement, when I open the backdoor. She takes off at full speed toward her great-uncle, who catches her and swings her around. The close bond they’ve developed is unexpected and irreplaceable.
“Maggie!” I snap, and she runs back to where I’m standing. “I need your help to carry things inside.” I tug her a little closer, whispering in her ear, “Remember, Rainey is here today as your guest. You can’t take off around the farm and leave her, okay?”
She’s six. The idea of entertaining a guest you brought into someone else’s home goes over her head, but she agrees. Noah and I load lighter grocery bags into Maggie’s and Rainey’s hands before we tackle the heavier items. I went over and over with Noah just how extra my aunt is with preparing family meals. I waxed poetically about the dishes she makes. Yet, Noah still insisted we fight the crowd at Walmart yesterday to buy desserts and snacks. The amount of food inside the house will be obscene.
We don’t even make it to the front porch before Claire’s at the door to greet us. My aunt is a southern woman: she loves to entertain, cooks the best food, and is as sweet as the tea she drinks. But she’s standing at the door right now because she’s dying to meet Noah.
Claire and Rufus’ reaction when I spilled the beans of mine and Maggie’s move-in with Noah and her niece was pure shock. Rufus was frank that he didn’t understand what I was doing, and Claire was upset that I didn’t ask her for help to stay in my apartment. As expected, she reminded me we were always welcome to move back to the farm.
Once the shock wore off, she did, in fact, ask a million questions. I answered them calmly. No, Noah and I were not in a romantic relationship—we’re strictly roommates. Yes, I’m being paid to assist Noah with Rainey’s care. No, I still haven’t found work yet, and yes, Maggie’s happy with our living situation. And, yes, I’m sure Noah wasn’t taking advantage of me. Since I’ve not paid a penny of rent, I don’t understand how Claire thought it possible for Noah to take advantage of me, even if she wanted to. Surely, from the outside looking in, the opposite appeared to be true.
Aunt Claire came around quickly when, according to her, Ibeamedas I answered questions about Noah. It’s true, thinking of Noah puts a smile on my face no matter how hard I try to hide it. When she wears her long hair down and I catch sight of her warm, green eyes, I practice more restraint each day from tiptoeing close to a line I can’t uncross.
I reminded Claire I wasn’t looking for any kind of romantic relationship—with Noah or anyone else—and she dropped one of her memorable one-liners. “Just because you’re not looking for someone, doesn’t stop your heart from being pulled toward your complimentary half.”
While I was stewing on that, she continued, “There’s no timeline for your next step. You just have to reflect on where you’re at, and you’ll know when you’re ready to move forward with something new. Even if it’s not with Noah, don’t lock doors that you may want to reopen later.” I gave up on the conversation when Claire added, “For God’s sake, I’m not asking you to hop into bed with someone tomorrow.”
Claire steps onto the porch and ignores me, instead pulling Noah in for a hug and bending down to greet Rainey. I’m as attractive as chopped liver today compared to the company I’ve brought. Noah’s entire face smiles when she locks eyes with me, before following Claire inside.
The savory smell of turkey and stuffing fills the house, mingling with sweetness from homemade desserts, and crafts a singular scent I would kill to bottle and have in my home every day of the year. With our arms free of the grocery bags, and with Noah’s permission, I free Maggie and Rainey to hang out with Rufus until it’s time to eat.
Claire smiles sweetly at Noah. “That little girl is precious.”
“She can be,” Noah says, “but she’s sassy, too.”
“Sassy is a good thing. Means she won’t be afraid to hold her own someday.”
“I hope you’re right,” Noah says, before jumping in to help Claire with the remaining kitchen tasks. Noah’s average height, but she comically towers over my petite aunt as they move around each other in the kitchen. New faces to one another, Noah’s body relaxes with Claire’s kind disposition; they talk and laugh together like old friends.
A slow drip of melancholy swirls with the joy of today. I wish Hannah was here to see Maggie and I are doing okay, even on the hard days. I wish I’d brought Hannah to meet my family. She’d have felt right at home on the farm.
I’ve spent too much time in my head since waking up next to Noah on the floor. The night was innocent, but the lies I told myself before—about my feelings for Noah being purely platonic—are no longer believable. She makes me feel everything I never wanted to experience again. Looking at her simple, unaltered beauty is a gift. Watching her care and pour herself into the people she loves is extraordinary. I’m in awe that she allows me and my daughter to be part of her world.
Hannah was the best wife; I’d have stayed happily married to her for the rest of our lives and never wished for another woman. But she’s gone, and I have to picture what I want my and Maggie’s future to look like. Noah is a once-in-a-lifetime chance, and I don’t think I can allow her to slip by without trying to catch her.
I may finally understand what Claire was trying to explain to me about grief all those months ago. Maybe choosing to move forward isn’t the same thing as moving on. I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone if I’ve got another shot at a beautiful partnership and love. I never want to get over losing Hannah. But, I’m only thirty-five years old and hopefully have many years ahead of me.
“Logan, do you want something to drink?” Claire asks. Both women are staring at me.
“Huh?” I genuinely hope they’ve not been working to get my attention for long because Claire won’t miss a chance to give me a hard time in private about daydreaming. Noah probably won’t even wait until we’re alone to give me shit. Bringing the two women in my life together may have been a mistake. I can imagine the jokes and diabolical laughs they’ll enjoy at my expense.
“Do. You. Want. Something. To. Drink?” Noah sarcastically enunciates every word.
