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Needing a listening ear, I dial Iz on the drive home. I’m shaken by Chase’s news, but Izabeth is just plain mad. Learning about the required weekly supervised visitation lights her temper on fire.
“But you’ve told the caseworker about the last time he called you, right? Who would think it’s a good idea to subject a kid to his temperament?”
“He finally called to talk to Rae on Christmas Day,” I share. I’ve not told her this story yet, mostly because I’ve avoided reliving it. “He made me look like a complete asshole. Told her he had a present he wanted to give her for Christmas, but he couldn’t because I wouldn’t take her to see him.”
“Why is this the first I’m hearing about it?” She squawks in my ear.
“There was screaming and crying. Rainey told me more than once she hated me.” Remembering the night digs deeper into the hole Rainey’s words made in my heart.
“He’s a fucking asshole. Who does that? And on Christmas? Jesus Christ.”
Things were good with my brother when Iz and I forged our friendship. She witnessed his addiction spiral, and his subsequent treatment of me over the years. In the last few years, she’s stopped hiding her resentment as she’s witnessed Dunbar break me open time and time again. I don’t blame her. Watching someone you love be terrorized with no end in sight is an impossible task.
“How’s everything else going? How’s Logan’s job?”
The elephant in the room comes front and center. I’ve wanted to tell her about us many times, but can never decide on the words to say. We don’t have a label. I’m not his girlfriend and he’s not my boyfriend. At thirty, it feels weird to even say the word ‘boyfriend.’ Despite Logan and I keeping it low pressure, Izabeth will make abigdeal of knowing we’re sleeping together.
“He says he likes the position.”
“And how are thetwo of youdoing?” Is she on to me, or is she just hoping?
I fess up. “So, aboutthe two of us. . .” I swallow, ready to share with someone outside of Logan and myself what’s developed. “We’ve been—“
“I already know you guys are doing the humpty dumpty,” she interjects.
“How?” That bitch—she’s been letting me sweat it out when she knew all along.
“You have absolutely no poker face. When I picked the girls up at your house? Your entire face lit up when Logan walked in the room. Calls and texts have always annoyed you, but now you leap to check every notification you receive. You’ve been less moody . . .” she leaves me to fill in the rest of the last sentence.
“I should have told you.”
“It would have been nice, but I’ll be glad to hear all the details now.” She exaggerates the word ‘details’ in her attempt at a sultry voice.
She can’t see it, but I roll my eyes at her insatiable need to live vicariously through me. “I’ll call you back later. I just pulled into my garage and Rainey’s waiting at the mudroom door.”
“Liar!” she calls out.
“I swear,” I say before telling her goodbye and sending her a quick text with a photo of my niece.
Iz: Fine. Tell Rae I miss her.
I call it an early night. Dunbar’s release wears on me, and bedtime was grueling. Rainey didn’t want to take part in a bath, in brushing her teeth, or anything else. Chase texts me about Dunbar’s new number as I drift off.
Logan’s reading in bed next to me and nudges me with his foot. I squint at the low light coming from Logan’s lamp, and check the message, returning the phone without replying.
“Work?”
Do Not Disturb mode on my cell activates automatically at 9 p.m. Only a handful of my phone’s contacts can bypass it. Chase is one of those contacts. I sigh and roll on my back, pulling the cover up to my neck and contemplating how to break the news to Logan. His understanding and support as I’ve navigated Rainey’s care has been unwavering.
“The judge granted Dunbar’s appeal. He received an early release today. That was Chase sending me his new number.” I tug the cover entirely over head, unsure I want to see Logan’s reaction. My life and the challenges with my brother are a lot to handle. There’s a real fear this is more than Logan wants to deal with. Cool air hits my face as he pulls the cover back down.
“You okay?” He kisses my neck before snuggling in close to hold me.
“I don’t know how to feel. I’ve never wanted him to be in jail. I just want him to recover. The judge granted him supervised visits with Rae, starting next week.”
Logan sighs against my neck. “Is he coming here?”
“Absolutely not.” There’s no need for him to worry about that scenario. I don’t want Dunbar in our home.
