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“What is it, pretty girl? Use your words,” I admonished, loving the way we’d already fallen into a pattern of me as her protective provider, one who just wanted to spoil and take care of her and our baby, but still respected her independence. We’d learn to value each other’s perspectives over time, no matter how hard that might be.
She wore a bright, rainbow-colored skirt with bold stripes that danced in the light breeze. Her Converses were light pink, standing out like a beacon against the gray sidewalk. The outfit, along with the sparkly rhinestone brooch she’d pinned to her sweater of a sloth taking a selfie, gave off an energy of fun playfulness.
“It’s just that…” she said with a sharp edge in her voice. Her piercing eyes cut through me like lasers, as if trying to decipher the puzzle of me. “I’m not some gold-digger looking for a quick buck. I don’t want you to think I’m using you because of our baby.”
I embraced her, taking in the fragrant smell of lavender and roses. “Never, Faith. I’ll be there for you and our child—active in both your lives.”
She smiled, and my heart constricted with tenderness.
“Thank you,” she uttered, her voice soft and vulnerable.
I kissed her forehead, and she shifted from one foot to the other, saying, “Can we discuss this over lunch? I can’t believe it, but I’m already hungry again. And I really need to pee.”
* * *
“Thanks for agreeing to let me prepare lunch for you, angel.” The belt around her waist defined its trimness, and I wondered how soon it would be before she had an actual bump.
Her perfect breasts had swollen, begging for attention. I wanted to rip her shirt off and caress the heavy undersides in my hands. Suck on her rigid nipples.
I’d spent a shit ton of energy restraining my urges and true feelings for her. Feelings which so far I’d displayed via actions instead of words, while I covertly ogled her.
I set a plateful of healthy and crunchy baby carrots, celery sticks, and ranch dip, along with tiny tacos and all her favorite fixings in front of her.
She shoved an entire taco into her mouth and mumbled around it. “How did you guess these were my favorite? I can’t believe you had them in your fridge.”
I couldn’t keep from saying, “It’s my job to make sure you get enough to eat, princess.”
Her features became more animated. “It’s like you get me or something.”
I laughed, delighted with her. “Why is that so surprising?” I needed to hear her flatter me.
This second.
She crunched into a carrot and continued, “Good question. My family gets me. They had little choice, I guess. And Luna, she’s as weird as I am, so no judgment there.”
“Who would dare look down on you?” Fury coursed through me at the thought of someone harming my girl. She was perfect.
Faith pursed her lips and furrowed her brow, gaze fixed on the floor as she deliberated over my question.
Tears pooled suddenly in her eyes, and she rubbed them away with the backs of her hands. My heart ached to make everything right for her, to take away all the hurt that had obviously built up inside. “Stupid hormones. I swear I cry at the drop of a hat these days.”
“Hey.” I covered her hands with my own. “Be gentle with yourself. You’re allowed to make a big deal out of feelings that feel really big to you, clear?”
Brushing away her tears, her eyes were contemplative. “This stuff hasn’t bothered me in such a long time. So many girls don’t get diagnosed with ADHD during their school years. I was lucky to find out then. And I had parents who supported me, no matter how difficult I could be. It’s just, in the past, I got used to disappointing teachers, friends, even my sister and parents sometimes. But now, there’s a child at stake. I can’t afford to fuck up like I have so many other times.”
My words were a feeble attempt to soothe her. “I’m glad you’re putting this on the table. You can talk to me about anything. I want to be your safe place to go when things get scary.” She looked at me with such gratitude in her eyes, it seemed like the world stopped turning just so we could share this moment. From that instant on, I vowed to be her unwavering protector, her devoted companion, her everything.
Suddenly, her face went glum. “But Riley, I struggled myself as a student. How am I supposed to keep a child’s belongings, schoolwork, or schedule organized? Patience has never been one of my virtues. What if I lose my temper…?” She was riffing on her fears now, upset at how many different ways things could go wrong. Faith’s inner turmoil became more apparent as she spoke, worry and fear clear in her voice.
“And you can appreciate all too well I have a hard time remembering to take my pills. If I forget my ADHD meds once the baby’s born, I’ll be an even worse parent than ever!” She struggled to maintain an even, conciliatory tone and I wrapped my arms around her.
My voice was calm, but I couldn’t help but be feverish inside. This was a teaching moment and as her daddy, it was my job to use this opportunity to ensure she didn’t resort to being overly critical of herself.
“Sometimes people make mistakes,” I said slowly, emphasizing each word for maximum effect. Internally, I acknowledged that spanking her would help ensure she remembered the lesson, and acting on this thought, I grabbed the wooden spoon from the utensil stand and stood up from the kitchen stool. “We can all learn from them,” I said with more conviction than before. “Follow me.” Taking her hand firmly in mine, I led her into the living room.
This was about more than just disciplining her for inappropriate behavior. This was about showing her how the smack of my hand could provide succor when she needed it most. With each swat, she’d feel the guilt draining out of her body. She’d learn that my spankings would help her let go of self-judgment and restore herself when she stumbled.
I lightly traced my fingers along the back of the chair. “Rest your palms here, bend over, and remain still until I give you permission to move. Don’t worry, I asked my buddy, an M.D., if spanking is safe during pregnancy and he said BDSM sex is as safe as any other sex during pregnancy. And I promise you I will never punish you for having an ADHD symptom.”
