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Her words shake me to my core, dulling my senses and before I can even think about it, I do something I have never done… I fall to my knees and beg.
Wrapping my arms around her waist, I pull her close. “Please don’t do this; please tell me what I can do to fix it, tell me what I can do to make it better! I’ll do anything you want me to do, just please… please don’t leave me…”
I can’t go through life without her at my side; she’s the one who keeps me together, my Fated, my other half. The one I can’t live without. I never thought my actions would lead to this because I only meant them to keep her safe, and now I might just lose my heart and soul.
She runs her fingers through my hair, trying to contain a sob before dropping to her knees and cupping my face with her soft hands.
“I want to say there’s a little hope left for us, but right now I can’t say those words without them tasting bitter in my mouth. You don’t trust me enough to stand at your side and in your quest for vengeance, you lost sight of us.” She says, stroking my cheek with the pad of her thumb.
Then she sniffs, wipes her tears away, and places something in my hand.
“What am I supposed to do now?” I ask with my voice barely above a whisper. “How am I supposed to do this without you?”
She smiles, her bottom lip trembling as she tries to contain the sob from breaking her as much as this is breaking me. “Give me some time and do what you’ve always done; look after the ones you’ve sworn to protect,” she says, then leans forward and places a soft kiss on my lips.
“Goodbye, King.”
I thought the two words she said earlier had devastating power over me, but her last two words tore my soul in two. She took my heart with her at the sound of her retreating footsteps, my entire life clasped in her hands, and she just placed it back into my own.
And as I look down at the ring she returned to me, I know that this is all my fault. I fucked it up and there was no fucking way for me to fix it.
* * *
I leave the carnage behind me and walk up to where Xenia is waiting in her car. I called her the minute I walked inside the mansion, knowing she would still be waiting for me at the church - and I wasn’t wrong.
The sun will rise in about two hours - rise to a new day for me without Gabriel.
Leaving him was the hardest decision I ever had to make, but for now, I can’t be with him. I need time alone, time without him lording over me and making decisions while thinking he has my best interest at heart. I need space from him… from us.
“Are you going to tell me what happened?” Xenia asks, snapping me back to the present. We’ve been quietly driving to a hotel of my choosing until I can figure out what I’m going to do next.
“Kazimir captured me, tortured me, and killed my baby,” I say while looking out the other window. “Gabriel failed to inform me they were coming and tried to keep me out of it.”
Xenia slams on the brakes so hard that I have to brace myself on the dash. She looks at me with wide eyes and a questioning gaze. “Christ, Kat! Are you okay- wait, fuck. How are you feel—”
“It’s okay, Xen,” I say, appreciating what she’s trying to say. “I just need some time.”
She sighs, then she offers me an awkward smile before driving again. I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling right now. Empty? Sad? Despair? Anger? Maybe all of that rolled into one, or maybe nothing at all.
When I woke up, I had everything a woman could ever want; now I have nothing.
We arrive at the hotel and Xenia walks up with me. She helps me cover the windows with blackout curtains, then stands at the entryway looking awkward, crossing her arms while looking around.
“Are you going to be okay here all alone?” she finally asks.
I nod. “You have your own life and Church to think about, so don’t worry about me. Give me today to figure things out and I’ll tell you what will happen next,” I say, before pulling her into an embrace. “Thanks, Xen.”
“I am so sorry, Kat,” she says in a soft voice. “Please know that I’m always here if you need me.”
“I will.” Tears choke my throat, but I refuse to cry in front of her because it will just make her worry more. I break off the embrace and place my hands on her shoulders. “I love you.”
“I love you too,” she says with that awkward smile before walking out of the hotel room.
Waiting until I’m in the bedroom, I fall on the bed and draw my knees up to my chest just as the full brunt of my sorrow hits me. The tears don’t stop falling even after my body stops trembling with sobs. My chest still aches and feels tight, like I’m not done crying over what I’ve lost.
But I know I’m not simply crying because of what I’ve lost, but the guilt at what I’ve done. While leaving him, I knew Gabriel would be too distraught to notice anything else but our shared sadness.
He wouldn’t realize what I was truly doing; how I know I had to leave for now so he doesn’t do something stupid because of me.
