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Maybe I should just leave them here and go back to DC. Fuck it, I’ll decide when I get back.
I didn’t exactly plan to stay out for longer than a few hours, but I found myself slinking back to the estate just before dawn. Parking the SUV haphazardly, blood drunk, I stumble out and make my way towards the front door… only to find Xenia sitting on the top steps.
She has her elbows braced on her knees and her eyes downcast, but when I approach, she looks up at me. Fuck, if I had a heart it would have dropped into my ass - I forgot the reason I nicknamed her ‘Hellcat.’
“Get your fill?” she asks, her eyes blazing with the fury she’s trying to hide.
I sigh and pinch the bridge of my nose before coming to a stop in front of her. “Of what?”
She scoffs. “Pussy, blood, and booze? You stink like all three.”
Pussy? No. Blood? Yes. Booze? I drowned in Jack. But I’m not about to tell her that; I like this jealous Xenia. She’s fun to play with and a fuck load more honest than everyday Xenia.
I chuckle and lean down close to her. “Why do you want to know that? Are you a little jealous, Hellcat?”
Huffing, she gets to her feet and I nearly fall backward. “Jealous?! I was worried something happened to you! The sun is almost out, and you weren’t back yet!”
“Worried? Careful what you say there, you might just give me the impression that you give a shit about me,” I say, leaning against the stone banister. “Why the fuck are you still up, anyway? Don’t tell me you waited up for me?”
Fuck, please don’t tell me that. I’ll feel even more like a piece of shit then.
“Apparently I’m your Fated and yet you’re still acting like everything and everyone is still free game,” she says, crossing her arms. “If this is how it’s going to be if I had to eventually give in to you, then I’m glad we never took it further.”
The grin drops from my face, and I take a step toward her, but she moves back. “Xenia—”
“No,” she shakes her head and holds up a hand. “No, you’ve just proven to me why this is a bad idea. I don’t want someone who will run out to fuck and feed every available pussy just because he’s had a bad day.”
Misunderstanding, fucking great.
“That’s not it!” I exclaim when she turns around and walks inside, but I run after her and pull her back by her forearm. She doesn’t meet my eye or look my way. “Xen, please look at me.”
Her eyes reluctantly flicker upwards and I can see that past her anger, she’s actually hurt. I’ve hurt her. How the fuck did I hurt her if she acts like she doesn’t care about anything?
I sigh and swipe a hand over my face. “I didn’t fuck anyone, okay? I might be a little blood drunk and tipsy from the alcohol, but that’s it. You're misunderstanding things. I wouldn’t do that to you, ever.”
“So, you didn’t fuck them, but you drank from them? Is there a difference? Because I don’t understand,” she says, then takes my left hand and holds it up. “This thing you can see and I can’t, it’s supposed to be like a promise ring, right?”
I pull my hand out of her grip. “A promise you’re reluctant to make, so please tell me why I’m still waiting around like a fucking idiot,” I say, watching as she blanches, but if she gets to be honest about shit, then so can I.
She sucks in a breath. “I never said that I’m reluctant to take it further—”
“Oh, and your little speech just now is supposed to tell me that you want this?” I scoff, gesturing between us. “I’m not a fucking brick wall, you know. If you want to say something, then say it outright because, contrary to popular belief, men can’t fucking read minds.”
This seems to piss her off, and all that hurt goes out the window. “Do you think I enjoy feeling unsure? Do you think I like not being able to make my mind up about what I want?!”
I roll my eyes. “Doubt means no; if you don’t want this, then you don’t fucking want this. I can’t force you to take things further, so until you know what you want, I’ll just keep on doing me.”
“So let me get this straight,” she chuckles, crossing her arms. “You’re going to leave and get drunk out of your fucking mind off someone else’s blood every time you feel pissed off about something? That’s what a coward would do!”
A coward. How many times have I been called that before? I’m everything, but not a god damn coward, and she’s about to find out.
“I left because being back here brought back fucked up memories for me; memories of when I lied to Pres because of you and your wanting to destroy what we haven’t even started yet!” I exclaim, my words knocking the smirk off her face, but I’m not done yet.
“I left because I needed to clear my fucking head, Xenia; being back here just reminds me of how much you don’t want this,” I say, then walk past her back to my bedroom.
There’s no fucking way she can dish out bullshit if she’s not willing to take it, and right now I am too fucking pissed off and exhausted to care. I should just leave here tomorrow night and put everything behind me.
If Xenia still wants that potion, I can get it for her so we can stop this fucked up game.
