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She knows I want her; she knows that I’m ready for any fucking step she wants to take, but she’s decided to draw it out. If these few months have proven anything, it's that we need to take what’s ours before it gets ripped away from us permanently.
But how exactly do I take something if it's reluctant to move? I can’t force my needs on Xenia if she’s uncertain, so perhaps I should just take myself out of the equation altogether. Maybe then she’ll be happy knowing that she’s free of me.
I walk into my bedroom and shrug off my jacket, t-shirt and boots before heading to shower the fucked up evening away, but my door suddenly gets flung open and Xenia walks in, guns fucking blazing.
“So you went to find other women because of how we started out? You willingly drank from others, even though I was right there?”
Frowning at her question, I cross my arms and slowly walk towards her. “That’s what you’re pissed off about? That I drank from someone else?”
“Of course, that’s why I’m fucking pissed off!” she exclaims, pushing me backward with tears running down her face. “If you asked me, I would have… I would have allowed you to… But knowing you drank from another woman just makes me… it…”
I see the turmoil in her eyes and the anger evaporates, just like that. Taking a tentative step towards her again, I cup her tear-stained face in my hands and sigh. “I never drank from another woman, Hellcat,” I start, wiping her tears away with the pad of my thumbs. “I told you, I would never do that to you.”
Her eyes narrow and I know she thinks I’m lying about this. “But… you said—”
“I said I’m blood drunk, not that I drank from someone else. Void has blood on tap, baby. I haven’t drunk from another in months. That’s as good as cheating in my eyes.” I say with a lowered voice and I can hear her heartbeat even out.
The frown slowly disappears from between her brows and she sighs. “I’m sorry….I just assumed…” a cute as fuck blush blooms on her cheeks while she stutters out an apology that’s not needed.
“The only one I ever want to drink from directly is you, Hellcat. You’re the one I’m waiting for, so you don’t ever have to worry about me doing shit with other women. I might have when I just found out about this,” I say and hold up my left hand. “But I was fucked in the head back then and didn’t know what I wanted.”
Those few weeks were the worst of my life. I didn’t know what I wanted and contemplated severing the bond or killing her to get rid of it. But I couldn’t… It just felt wrong to reject what’s meant to be mine.
Another tear slips out of her eye, and I kiss it away. “I only want you; I’ll only ever want you. Do you fucking understand that?” I say and when she slowly nods, I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her close to me. “I’m sorry if I hurt you, that wasn’t my intention. I was just being an asshole.”
“Yeah, you were,” she laughs, but I can hear the tears in her voice.
The sound of her heartbeat washes every little doubt away and now I realize how stupid I was. I’m really fucking hard-headed and stubborn as hell; this is something I need to work on, or I’ll lose what we could still have. I’ll lose her.
“Let’s stop this,” I exhale, closing my eyes. “I’m tired of this back and forth, baby.”
She returns my embrace with one of her own and it occurs to me then that she’s just willingly touched me. Her skin feels soft against mine, warm and comfortable.
Running her hands over my back and leaving goosebumps, she breaks off the embrace and takes a step back from me with a coy smile playing on her face.
“Let's talk when you wake up, okay?” she says, stroking my cheek. “I think we’re both a bit hyped up and exhausted to decide anything now.”
Oh, fuck, the sun is out.
“I was going to shower, but I’m about to hit the fucking floor soon. Stay with me until I fall asleep? No funny business from my side. Yet.” I ask, smiling. Her eyes widen at my request and her heartbeat spikes, but she nods anyway.
Taking me by the hand, she leads me over to my bed and pushes me down, then she gets in next to me and nuzzles into the crook of my arm with her head on my chest. I have a feeling that I must be fucking dreaming because this feels so unreal, especially when she wraps an arm around me and sighs.
“I can’t believe how soft your skin feels,” she murmurs, running her fingers down the tattoos on my chest. “So warm…”
I kiss the top of her head to hide my smile, but I can’t say anything else because vampiric slumber has me in its embrace. Fuck, if this is a dream, then I don’t want to wake up.
XENIA
It’s 4 pm. I know I should get up and go to my own room, that staying here next to Church is a mistake… but how can a mistake feel so right? I thought our fight would be the end of us, that our words would cut so deep that there would be no turning back.
Misunderstandings can lead to the worst of endings, but somehow Church pulled us back from the edge.
My face heats up when I remember how I offered myself to him last night, telling him I would gladly have let him drink from me if he had asked. Ugh, that was so cringe of me! Now I probably seem like a super jealous person who will wait outside the house until he gets home.
Damn, Xenia; could you be needier?
I brace myself up on my elbow and look down at his handsome sleeping face, realizing how much of his stress and worry disappear when he’s asleep.
