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I shake my head. “I don’t want to see the disgusted look on your face,” I grumble, but he simply places his thumb and forefinger at my chin and tilts my head to face him.
“Do I look disgusted to you?” he asks with a raised eyebrow, cocking his head to the side.
Blinking at the concern in his eyes, I shake my head. “N-no…”
“You’re my Fated, the fucking love of my life; why would a little vomit push me away now?” he asks, then turns me on his lap so I’m straddling him. “Katherine, we’re going to see the worst sides of each other for years to come.”
“I know,” I groan. “It’s just embarrassing seeing all that blood and knowing it came from me.”
He chuckles and kisses my forehead. “All I’m seeing are symptoms of you being pregnant with my child and that itself makes me the happiest fucking person in the world.”
Oh, fuck. It didn’t click that this is a pregnancy symptom!
I’m about to say something to change the subject when his hands slip lower and he caresses my belly. The look of absolute adoration on his face shuts me up and I allow myself to enjoy this moment with him, even if we’re both sitting on a damn toilet.
Suddenly, he wraps his arms around me and places a kiss on the nape of my neck.
“I’ll leave you to freshen up; there’s something I want to discuss with you.” He says before standing up and walking out of the bathroom.
I sigh, watching him walk away, then brush my teeth and splash my face with cold water before joining him where he’s sitting on the bed. With the tension literally rippling off of him, he turns to me and takes my hand in his.
“I heard… what you told Xenia earlier; about still feeling Kazimir’s touch,” he says, looking guilty and casting his eyes downward. “What can I do to make you feel better, little lamb? I feel so fucking helpless watching you deal with this alone and not being able to take your pain away.”
My heart constricts at the sound of his voice, and I feel my bottom lip trembling before I can even answer him. I thought I was dealing with this alone when in actual fact, my pain has been broadcasted throughout everyone close to me.
“I didn’t want to burden you all with this—”
“Burden us?!” he asks incredulously, taking my face in his hands. “My love, you’re about to be the Queen of this nest; of course, we’ll feel your pain! The only thing I can do is kill those responsible, but that won’t stop what you’re feeling. So please, tell me how I can help you.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think you can do anything but be there for me while I work through this, Gabriel. The nightmares will disappear eventually, and so will the fear, but for now just let me face my demons and hold my hand through it.”
“Then I’ll just have to love you so much it removes the fear he’s left in your heart, won’t I?” he grins, drawing his face to mine and kissing me gently. I was scared of kissing him again, knowing what Kazimir did, but this is different… This kiss makes me forget.
So I allow it to engulf me and it strips the mere memory of Kazimir’s violation from my bones.
The gentle way Gabriel holds me and touches me with no intention of violence… I let it push out the disgust and recoil. I can actually feel the weight lifting from my shoulders, the dark clouds in my mind letting up, and by the time Gabriel breaks off the kiss, I feel reborn.
“What…” I ask with wide eyes, not understanding why I can no longer feel the shame as strongly as I did before. “How did you do that?”
Gabriel chuckles and kisses my forehead. “That was all you, little lamb. Vampires have the ability to push any emotion aside or allow it to control them. You’ve just allowed whatever you were feeling when I kissed you, to remove the fear and shame left behind by Kazimir. You chose to let it go.”
My hands fly to my mouth and I choke back a sob. “I could do something like that?”
He nods. “Yes. Vampires are creatures controlled by their emotions, good or bad; and if I told you about that little ability sooner, you would have allowed the negativity to cloud your heart. Am I right?”
“So I would have become the type of vampire I used to hunt down?” I gasp.
“I think so. Compare how you were feeling now to when you told me on the plane. You were filled with fear and negativity and needed to lash out at anything, while when we woke up, you were simply feeling empty.” He explains, caressing my cheek. “Are you feeling better now?”
I think back to how I felt earlier when I broke down in Xenia’s arms, to how I feel now: light, loved, and… happy. Letting Gabriel’s love for me fill me up and push all the pain from my heart caused this. He removed Kazimir’s hold on me by just being himself and loving me more than the pain I was feeling.
Nodding, I wrap my arms around his neck and breathe out a long, relieved sigh.
“Please don’t stop pulling me out of the darkness,” I murmur. “Please, always be my lifeline.”
“Always, little lamb. Just hold on to me,” he whispers back, kissing my neck. I never expected to be free of my shame so soon, but now that it has moved out of the way, I can finally be happy again.
No more sad, moping Katherine; now I am fucking pissed off.
