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The word makes my mouth go dry. I can’t help but think of the sound of it coming out of Conrad’s mouth. I wonder how Jordan would react if he knew. Not that it matters because I’m not going there anymore.
He kisses the top of my head again. “Love you.”
“Love you, too, J.”
* * *
WE MAKE IT to The Scoop before close and take our ice-creams across the road to the beach. The sun is just setting over the water. We lean against the lifeguard tower, laughing and joking. I’m feeling a lot lighter after talking to Jordan, finally feeling like I’m ready to let go of Lachy, of the feeling that I wasn’t enough. Not enough for him to want to stay, to help support him through his grief. I can’t change the wayhefeels, but I can change the way I do. Jordan’s right: I do deserve someone who is going to treat me like a princess, but I’m not going to find him if I’m moping around.
Jordan and Ronnie are the first to duck out. Brady and Wren not long after that. They offer to walk me home, but I decide to stay a little longer. I’ve grown up on the beach and there’s nothing more calming than the sound of the waves crashing against the shore.
“Are you sure?” Wren asks as she hugs me goodbye.
I nod, squeezing her tight. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”
When they disappear from view, I pull out my phone and open my socials. With a deep breath, I search up Lachy’s profile and unfollow him–just for now, I need to be able to move on without the constant reminders. Next, I pull up his contact details and open up a message. I ignore all the previous messages he’s sent me and start typing.
Ivy: We can talk when I’m ready, but for now I need you to stop trying to contact me. It hurts too much. Please, respect my wishes. I’m glad you’re happy, but now I need to focus on finding that for myself. Goodbye for now, Lachy. I’ll always love you.
Before I can overthink it, I press send and block his number. I know it’s the right thing for me to do, but it still hurts. I blink back tears as I wrap my arms around my legs and rest my chin on my knees.
It’s a clear night. I stare up at the stars dotting the sky. I focus on the first one that catches my eye and repeat the saying my mum and I used to say every night when I was a little girl. “Starlight, star bright, first star I see tonight. Wish I may, wish I might, have the wish I wish tonight.”
I squeeze my eyes shut and focus on what I want.To find the happy, carefree girl I used to be. The one who loves spending time with her family and friends.I hesitate before adding,and, if it’s possible, someone who won’t break my heart.
I open my eyes and let the tears flow as I finally let go.
I don’t know how long I sit there for, but eventually I uncurl my stiff body and climb to my feet. I lift my black tank top and use it to wipe my face, promising myself they’re the last tears I’m going to cry over a boy.
I dust the sand off my butt and pick up my shoes, bending to put them on when I reach the footpath. As I straighten, I come face-to-face with Conrad. He’s standing a couple of feet away, hands on his hips as he tries to catch his breath.
“Un-fucking-believable,” I mutter under my breath. Who goes for a run at nine-thirty at night? And why, of all people, do I have to run into him when I’ve been crying my eyes out? “Why the hell do we always keep running into each other? It’s like the universe hates me or something.”
“Maybe it’s just fate, Princess,” he snaps, his voice lacking his usual flirty lilt. He’s refusing to look at me, eyes fixed on the ground.
“What’s up with you?”
“Why?” he finally lifts his gaze, his blue eyes blazing with an unspoken challenge. “It’s not like you care.”
I stare at him, really taking him in. His hair is mussed like he’s been pulling at it. This isn’t our usual banter. There’s something dark and closed off about him. It reminds me of the old Conrad–the one who didn’t give a shit about anyone other than himself. It’s now that I realize he really has changed.
“Conrad–”
“Forget it, Ivy. I’m used to no one giving a shit about me.”
Well, if that isn’t self-deprecating then I don’t know what is. “Stop the pity party. I know that’s not true.”
“Oh yeah?” he snorts. “Go on, then. Name one person.” I swallow the lump in my throat. This took a turn I wasn’t expecting. I stare at him, speechless. He laughs, but there’s no sincerity behind it. “I told you so. I don’t know why I expected…” His voice trails off and he shakes his head, backing away from me. “Catch you around, Ivy.”
My body is frozen in place as I watch him turn and head down the beach. He’s about twenty feet away when I finally find my voice. “Wait!”
He stops, but he doesn’t face me. I’m not sure what makes my feet move towards him. Two days ago I was telling Wren–and myself–that I wouldn’t be left alone with Conrad. But it’s like there’s a magnet pulling me to him.
“Talk to me. Tell me what happened.” My words are barely a whisper over the crashing waves, but I know he hears me by the way his shoulders slump.
“I don’t need your pity, Ivy.”
I shake my head. “It’s not pity. It’s… I don’t know what it is, but you’re not okay. I’m not just going to walk away.” I worry my lower lip as I wait to see what he’s going to do.
