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“Owa just brought these for you. They are to help with your swelling.” She says softly.
I feel new tears burning the back of my eyes and she gets blurry instantly. I turn from her.
“Fine.” I manage even though I want to tell her to leave me to my sorrow.
I want to be left alone. But the load I am carrying with me still needs caring for and I need to help my body. The sound of the water running is a decent distraction and I focus on it. It instantly reminds me of the last bath me and Igor had.
It’s strange how the same thing can feel so different. Bath time for me and Igor was one of our most intimate times. A lot of our most beautiful memories involve water.
We met because of water. We found out I was pregnant after an almost deadly session in the water. And our times in the springs and the bathtub.
There is no way I have lost all of that. No way at all.
“The water is ready.” Hannah says.
“Thank you, Hannah.” I say after I sit up. “But you didn’t have to.” I regret it when I see her face. She is just trying to help. “I’m sorry. I just don’t…”
I can’t finish the sentence.
I am too tired emotionally, so I slide out of the bed. And she moves to make it.
I don’t ask her to stop even though I want to. Mine and Igor’s bed is my responsibility. I simply undress and get in the tub.
I am lucky it is hidden from the room as my lips tremble, trying to cover a sob that is about to tear out from me. The washroom here is a large room on its own. It has enough space for the large tub, two cabinets, a clean towel basket, and a clothes rack.
As I wash my hair, the tears fall once more. I hope this is not going to be my life. Washing my own hair forever. He has to come back to me.
But I don’t delay in the water. Getting up from the tub has been a struggle lately, but I struggle on my own.
After drying my body, which takes longer than I wish it would, I wear a long dress that’s a little thicker. Even though the mountain isn’t as cold as I thought it would be.
I pull at my mating bracelet as I exit my bedroom and head to where the low voices are coming from. I find them all in the kitchen with a lovely aroma. I may be sad, but food is still my comfort.
The chatting stops when I enter the room. All four eyes turn to me. And I hate the looks of pity in them. I really hope this is not going to be my life going forward. I truly don’t know what I’d do. I don’t know if I would be able to live here if Igor really wasn’t.How could I?
“You don’t have to stop on my account.” I say, trying to sound steady even though I feel like turning back to go sleep some more.
“Of course. The food is almost ready. Have a seat.” Hani says as she pulls the chair next to hers. I now see the full usefulness of the kitchen chairs we had Gar make for us. I thank the foresight of making six of them.
After a long awkward silence, Mulan says. “He will come back, Aria.”
I lift my eyes to hers. I don’t know why but I hold on to them. I need all the light I can get.
“If anyone can come back, it’s Imp.” Hani says.
“Igor.” I correct. I know Igor doesn’t like the name Imp anymore and some of the orcs still call him by it. I don’t like the name much anymore either. “He doesn’t like being called Imp anymore. Please stop.”
I look back down to my belly before I take in anyone’s reaction.
The door to the main room opens and I lift my head in an anticipation that is crushed when I see it isn’t who I want. A part of me still hopes whenever a door opens. I just think he will come in like he did all those weeks ago when he came to check on us.
Owa walks in, a basket in her hand. I don’t even have to look to know it’s tea. Since the horrible news came, we haven’t sat for a cup, and I feel a little bad. She takes a chair when Hani moves for her.
They plate the food, and we eat. After, we all have tea.
Around noon Owa convinces me to go outside for some fresh air. I follow after her because it feels like she is one of a few who is as invested in Igor’s return as I am.
The others stay positive, but I can see it in most of their faces, they don’t think he’ll come back.
