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Boss also scrambled to his feet and stood, watching her.
She crossed her hands over the center of her chest, trying to drag air into her stalled lungs. Sweat erupted all over her shaking body. “I—” Dammit. Tears choked her.
“Shh. I’m sorry. I was going to ask about the charm on your necklace. Do you need to sit?” He shifted to make room.
She released a steadying breath and sat near him. Boss edged closer and rested his chin on the cushion, not quite touching her. “I’m sorry. I wanted tonight to be perfect.”
“It doesn’t have to be perfect, though it’s been damn close. We made good progress tonight. I learned I can kiss your neck, but I’ll do my damnedest to remember not to put my hand on your throat.”
She nodded to acknowledge that was what had triggered her: memories of Adam choking her to pin her down. “I didn’t know I’d react like that.” Or if she’d be able to move past it.
“What do you need right now? Do you want me to stay or. . .”
She took several deep breaths. “It’s best if you go. I need to decompress. I’m sorry.” It would also give him time to process her reaction and what it meant for them.
“Okay.” He still didn’t touch her. “Do you want me to leave Boss here tonight? You can bring him when you meet me to go shopping.”
“I’d appreciate that.” That he wanted to keep them on track for tomorrow, despite what just happened, released the tension wrapping tightly around her. She could use Boss for emotional support too.
“Come over whenever you’re ready.” John stood in place, clearly uncertain what to do.
She summoned her energy and went to him. “I hope I didn’t freak you out.”
He shook his head. “I’m sorry I made you react that way.”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. Okay? I’ve got some more things to work through.” Her reaction called for another EMDR session this week.
“I’m still here as your willing test subject, because, despite one little misstep, everything else was damn good tonight.” He tilted her chin up and pressed a gentle kiss to her lips.
She walked him to the door, and Boss clambered over. “Sit. Stay with the pretty girl tonight, Boss. I’ll see you in the morning.” John kissed her again. She held Boss’s collar as John headed to his truck.
She turned off the TV, then went to the bathroom and washed her face. Boss stuck close, like he sensed her distress. Her heart rate had slowed to normal, but she felt drained from the crash of adrenaline.
“You want to sleep in my bed tonight? You can’t tell John.” She patted the bed, shaking her head at how she was now talking to Boss the way John did. Boss snuggled up next to her, resting his head on his paws and staring at her.
“You’re cute, but this wasn’t the ending I wanted for tonight.”
Things had been going so well. While John had handled it with grace and tact, how many more triggers lay dormant just waiting for the right, or wrong, moment to attack? What if, even with EMDR therapy, she could never entirely shake her past?
ChapterFifty-Six
NOTHING’S GONNA STOP US NOW – Starship
Elizabeth parkedin the lot next to John’s truck at the café near her downtown office. Her confidence wavered. Maybe they should go somewhere that served alcohol and wait until she had a little liquid courage. No. They were here, and she needed to do this. If she couldn’t even tell him her plan, how was she going to summon the nerve to go through with it?
He’d made his way to her car by the time she got out.
“You look professional but still sexy.” He placed both hands on her hips.
“Back at ya. What do they call this?” She pinched the front of his shirt a few inches over his waistband.
“A combat shirt.”
“I like the way it fits. Much sexier than the jacket top.”
“That’s what the Army was going for. They thought it would up our recruitment,” he deadpanned. His face closed in, and he kissed her senseless. “I missed you last night.”
“About that, I needed some alone time to think. Can we take a little walk before dinner? There’s something I need to talk with you about.”
