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“My first sergeant helped. How are you doing?” He dried his hands and laid down the towel.
“Better. I think.”
He cocked an eyebrow at her and leaned against the counter.
“After what you said at the hotel, I resumed therapy.”
Pain flickered across his face. “I shouldn’t have said what I did. It was insensitive and out of line.” He didn’t make excuses.
“Actually, you weren’t. It hurt and made me doubt myself and my effectiveness as a counselor. But I went to the shelter to adopt a dog the next weekend and kind of had an epiphany. You were right about me being stuck. I told you I had been in counseling.”
He nodded.
“I started right after the divorce. Talking to process what I’d been through helped, but not enough. My counselor suggested I try a technique called EMDR therapy that helps to resolve unprocessed traumatic memories. However, she had complications with her pregnancy and was put on bedrest before we could start. I did several sessions with a colleague she referred me to, and I had a breakthrough. After the next session, he said it had done all it was going to do.
“It became obvious when I dated that I was still suffering PTSD. I thought that was as good as it was going to get for me. Even after I became a counselor, I simply accepted his diagnosis. Except it’s kept me from living the life I want.”
He nodded as he listened without interrupting.
“I restarted EMDR therapy with my original counselor who knew my complete story.”
“Good. How will you know if it works this time?” Hesitation laced his words.
“I have to put myself out there. Open myself up to physical contact in intimate situations.”
“I see. How do you plan to experiment? Do you need a test subject?” He tried to sound nonchalant, though now a smile tugged at the corners of his sexy mouth.
“I hadn’t thought of you as a ‘test subject,’ but if you’re not seeing someone . . .”
“Nope, like I said, this counselor friend suggested getting to know a woman, and I, uh, haven’t been ready to meet someone. I was giving it thirty days before I reached out and sent you pictures of Boss to see what happened. I’ve been making him pose so I’d have some good ones ready.”
Based on the vulnerability in his eyes, he wasn’t making that up. Tears built that he’d given her time and space but hadn’t given up on her—or hope for them.
“Will there be other test subjects?” he hedged.
“You’re the only one I want to experiment with. But”—now came the hard part—“I can’t promise you that I’ll ever be able to have a normal physical relationship.”
“We won’t know until we try. We can take things as slow as you need.”
“There’s also the matter of your move. We don’t have a lot of time, and the last thing I want is to hurt you, if . . .”
“It wouldn’t be the riskiest thing I’ve ever done.” He grinned and held out a hand to her.
It might be the riskiest thingshe’dever done, but she stepped closer and put her hand in his. Their gazes locked.
“When would we start?”
She moved to stand mere inches from him. Close enough to feel his body’s heat. To inhale his scent. “We could start now. With a kiss, to see if I’ve made progress.”
“I like that idea.” His hands rested on her hips. He dipped his head until his mouth nearly touched hers.
Her heart pounded—in anticipation, not fear—as she ran her fingertips up his hard-muscled arms like she’d dreamed of doing. She closed her eyes and lifted her face, eliminating the scant distance until her lips met his. A tentative meeting at first that ignited a craving she hadn’t experienced in years.
He took his cues from her. Lingering kisses led to the parting of lips and the gentle brush of tongues. She nipped his lip, and he groaned. His grip tightened on her hips. He pressed a firm kiss to her mouth before pulling back and resting his forehead on hers.
“As much as I want to continue this experiment, I promised we’d take this slow.” Desire deepened his voice. “Nate and Cecilia are also out there, so we’re going to stop before you make me totally forget all that.”
She nodded. “You’re right.” She trailed her fingers down his arms. It was better not to rush and risk ruining the amazing way she felt and the hope it inspired.
