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How long had she slept? The twins were on either side of her. The only thing covering them was the thin sheet draped over their waists. Thank God she hadn’t woken them. She didn’t want to recap the dream. True, she had found them that night at Mark’s field party and had told them everything. They had been livid over it, and there was nothing she could do when they stormed over to her house, intent on kicking the shit out of her father.
The only other time she confessed what her father had done, they were far too young to understand the severity of it. She hadn’t even realized how awful it had been. For years, she thought that was how things were supposed to be. Well, until she saw how happy the other children were and how they never seemed to have marks on them or be in pain.
It wasn’t like Rys and William ever saw her naked or could see the bruises, and when she was in a bathing suit, she always made sure the bruises had already faded. Her dad never hit her or her mother where people could see. Shit, she had told them so much about herself, about her fears and dreams. They had spent hours upon hours talking about their aspirations, but she had also lied. They were the only people she had really spoken to about the abuse.
Well, parts of it, and even then, she hadn’t been honest with them. She was a fraud and a horrible friend. If she had just been totally honest, told them everything, maybe things would have been different. Maybe the abuse would have stopped years ago. There was so much she hadn’t told them about her father and what he did. They would think she was a disgusting, vile creature if they knew the truth. She had made them believe the violence had stopped.
Well, up until that night, but it didn’t matter anyway, because when they had gotten back to her house, her father was gone. He hadn’t come back in almost eight years. They had been the happiest eight years of her life, despite the looks and whispers behind her back she got from the townies.
She looked at the clock, saw that it was going on six. How in the hell had she slept that long? After looking at both men again, she knew the answer. They had worn her out. A smile curved her lips, but it was misplaced. She needed to get out of here to sort through her thoughts and emotions. Oh it would piss them off when they woke and saw she was gone, but with her dream still fresh in her mind and the remembered pain of what her father inflicted on her, her emotions were too raw and open. She just needed to leave and get her thoughts together.
Slipping from the bed in the stealthiest moves she could muster, she searched the floor for her clothes. Without bothering to put on her bikini again, she slipped her top and shorts on. Bikini hanging from her fingers, she tiptoed toward the door, but before she could grab the handle, a big, warm hand landed on her shoulder.
Her heart pounded, and she briefly closed her eyes. Turning around, she looked into William’s confused blue eyes. He was completely naked, and she couldn’t help the blush that she felt rising to her cheeks.
“Where are you going, Janey?” His voice was low, and she glanced at the bed. Rys was on his stomach with one leg hanging over the edge of the bed. The sheet was bunched around his waist, and the hard and wide expanse of his back was exposed. She could see the steady rise and fall of his back and prayed he stayed asleep. She couldn’t deal with him right now, not when he would demand her complete honesty.
William, on the other hand, would be appeased with any information she gave him, even if it was minute. At least, she hoped.
“I have to go, William.” She cast her gaze down, unable to look him in the eye. She wanted to tell both of them everything, but the fact that she knew they would look at her differently was too much to stomach. She could imagine that everything would be okay, that they were understanding, had been for as long as she knew them. She wanted to tell them there had been no secrets between them, but that was a big, fat lie.
“Janey.” Her name from his lips sounded almost sad, and she looked back at him. “You don’t have to escape. Let’s talk about this.” He ran a hand over his hair, the muscles in his bicep bunching from the movement. Even now that she was running, she couldn’t help the arousal that settled inside her at the sight of him. He was just so beautiful. They both were. He looked at the bed before turning back to her. “Let’s just talk, sweetheart.” At her silence, he whispered, “Please.” How in the hell could she say no to that?
She sighed and nodded. She heard him exhale loudly before turning and picking up his trunks off the floor. When he was dressed, he led them out of the room quietly. At least he knew she couldn’t talk to Rys about this. She didn’t even know if she could talk to William about it. Rys would be able to draw the confession from her. They walked outside to the front porch. It was still stifling out, but with the sun setting, the night would soon cool considerably. They sat side by side on the swing and looked out on the twenty-five acres the twins owned. Their property and home were beautiful. They had built the two-story cabin two years ago on the property their parents had owned.
When Margi and Clive Holden had died five years ago in a car accident, she had never seen Rys and William look so lost. They had spent months together doing nothing but walking around this property. It wasn’t like they had never seen it before. They had been working on it with their parents since they could walk. She knew they wanted to see every square inch of it, to have the memories of their parents again. They’d always known this would be their land someday, but they hadn’t expected to inherit it at such a young age.
There was a small pond in the farthest part of the property surrounded by thick trees. She had never seen the twins cry, not even when the sheriff told them about the accident, but when they had come across the pond that day, both of them had burst into tears. The flowers their mama had planted the previous fall had just started coming into bloom. Hard, wracking sobs had overtaken both of them, bringing them to their knees right in front of those flowers.
She had been helpless as she watched their big bodies hunch over, their pain washing through them and shaking their whole beings. It had only taken her a moment before she went to them. They had immediately wrapped their arms around her, and the three of them had cried. They had cried until the sun had set and the night chill washed through them. That had been the one and only time she had seen them show their pain.
“It’s so beautiful here.” Jane brought her feet beneath her bottom and watched the wind sway the leaves of the trees. Even though she had just slept with her best friends, there was no discomfort sitting beside William. There was a peace inside her. It was freeing.
“Yeah. It takes your breath away.” The way he said it had her turning toward him. Her breath hitched at the expression on his face. He cupped her cheek. “I just love you so damn much, Janey.”
Tears welled in her eyes at the almost desperation in his voice. She knew why he sounded like that, why he was looking at her like he was about to lose her. He thought what they had done had ruined everything, and although initially she had feared that, sitting beside him on their property, looking at his face, she knew what she had with Rys and William could never be broken.
Chapter 15
“Have we ruined everything, Janey? Did we push you too far, too hard?”
Jane looked over at William. He took her hand in his and held it in his lap. She smiled at him. “Nothing is ruined, William. I wanted to do it just as much as you two.” The sound of crickets singing in the distance filled the silence.
“Are things weird for you now?”
It was strange having this conversation with him. An after-sex talk was not what she envisioned after sleeping with William and Rys. She felt the same emotions and, surprisingly, she didn’t feel the discomfort she was positive she would feel afterward. The shame and fear that things were different didn’t surface.
“No, everything is fine. I feel fine.” Tightening her hold on his hand, she rested her head on his shoulder. “I still love both of you guys more than anything.” Closing her eyes, she pulled up the strength inside her. She needed to talk to someone about what really happened, and William would let her talk and comfort her. “William?”
“Yeah, sweetheart?” His thumb was drawing lazy circles on the back of her hand. She watched a butterfly land on one of the red roses lining the porch. It was a beautiful shade of blue, and just as quickly as it landed, it was gone. Sometimes she wished she could be gone like that. Sometimes she wished she could flit to different places without a care in the world. She wanted her past to disappear. She wanted to make sure her mom was safe and run away with Rys and William.
“Let’s run away together, just the three of us. Let’s put everything behind us.”
She felt him kiss the top of her head. “We’d go anywhere with you, Janey. There isn’t a place on this planet that you could go and we wouldn’t be right there with you.”
They silently watched their surroundings. It was peaceful and serene and, for just a moment, she imagined that this was her life. She could picture the guys coming home, coming home to her. They would laugh and touch and they wouldn’t have a care in the world. There would be no death, no pain. Her mama would be happy, and they would all eat dinner together every Sunday. It would only be smiles all the time, because there had been enough heartache in their lives to last an eternity.
“My father didn’t just hit me.” Taking a steadying breath, she continued, “He raped me when I was thirteen.” The words tumbled out of her mouth before she could sensor them. William tensed beside her, and his hand tightened almost painfully around hers. Although it hurt like hell to finally say it aloud, the relief she instantly felt at getting it off her chest was immense.
