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“Janey—”
She shook her head and exhaled. There was so much emotion in her name when he said it that her chest ached. She needed to tell him, both of them, finally. “No, William. Please let me get it all out.” He didn’t say anything, and she continued, “It was that one and only time. He came home drunk, like usual. Mom was already asleep, and so was I, but I woke up when I heard him stumble up the stairs.” She closed her eyes as the memory washed through her. She had blocked it out, because it hurt too damn bad. “I could see his shadow through the crack at the bottom of the door. He had come in, and I thought he would hit me, but he was so quiet, William, so damn quiet as he closed the door behind him.” Tears started to fall down her cheeks, but she didn’t brush them away. She hadn’t cried over that night in twelve years. It felt good.
“I could smell the alcohol all the way from the doorway. My eyes were adjusted to the dark, and I could see him stumble forward. I didn’t move, Will, didn’t even breathe in hopes that he wouldn’t bother me. In the end, it didn’t matter though.”
“Oh, Janey. My sweet, sweet darling.” He pulled her into his lap and held her tight. He stroked her hair and let her cry into his chest.
“I didn’t even make a sound, Will.” Clutching his shirt, she felt the self-disgust and hatred slam into her. “I just wanted it to end, Will, so damn bad. When he was finished, I threw up.” She laughed bitterly. “I didn’t even bother cleaning myself up. Mom found me like that in the morning, covered in my own vomit.” Shaking her head, she pushed away from his chest and stared into his worried blue eyes. “He didn’t even remember doing it, Will.” He brushed a tear away from her cheek and brushed his lips across hers.
“Why didn’t you tell us, sweetheart? We would have taken care of you.”
She knew he meant well, but what would two thirteen-year-old boys do to a grown man? Her father was vile, and getting them involved was the last thing she wanted.
“I didn’t tell anyone, not even Mom. I was afraid that if I told anyone, they would think it was my fault, that I had done something to provoke him.”
“Janey.” The firmness in his voice was startling. “You have done nothing wrong. Charles Silver was a piece of shit, and if we ever saw him, we wouldn’t hesitate to….” He didn’t finish his sentence, and she shivered at the dark meaning behind it.
“I don’t want my past to define who I am. I slept with that boy when I was seventeen, because I wanted the memory of what my father did to me out of my head. I just wish it had been you and Rys that had erased that memory sooner.”
“Me too, Janey. God, me too.” He stroked her face gently. The anguish in his face was tangible.
“I’ve taken these years to come to terms with what happened. I’m okay.” She was, for the most part, but then she had the damn dreams, and they opened up her wounds once again. “I led you two to think that everything had gotten better, that the beatings had stopped. Obviously, it was a lie, but I didn’t want you and Rys rushing to my defense. I didn’t know where else to go that night I came to you and Rys at the field party. When I ran out of the house, you two were the only ones I wanted to go to. I love you two so much.”
William slanted his mouth on hers, and she let him, because she needed a distraction from the disgusting memories that assaulted her. She turned in his lap and straddled his hips, deepening the kiss. His arms were like steel bands around her, and she relished the idea that this was one of the two men she loved. He was here holding her, comforting her, and it made her cry harder.
The taste of her salty tears mixing with their kiss was an explosive sensation. At that moment, she felt unburdened by the weight of her past. All she wanted to do was kiss William until it all disappeared into nothingness.
Pressing her mouth harder against his, she let all her desperation and fear pour out of her and wash away with the wind. William yielded to her, letting her take from him, because he knew she was hurting. He was her sweet William, always giving and never taking. Breaking the kiss, she rested her forehead against his and panted. They sat like that for several long, surprisingly comfortable minutes. Lifting her head, she smiled at him and ran the tip of her finger between his eyes.
“You and Rys are too good to me.” He opened his mouth to respond, but the sound of something breaking in the house had her looking toward the front door.
“What the hell was that?” William helped her off him and took her hand as he started toward the door. They stepped inside and heard cupboards slamming in the kitchen.
Heart pounding hard, Jane followed behind William as they entered the kitchen. She could see Rys standing at the counter, his shirtless back to them, his arms bulging as he braced them on the marble top. His shoulder blades were defined as he hunched forward, his head lowered. Whatever had set him off filled the room as thick as sand. She could see a broken glass on the floor and assumed it made the noise that drew them in.
“Rys, what the hell is wrong, man?” William kept her body behind his, but she could see around his body. Rys tensed at his brother’s words but didn’t turn around or respond.
“Will, I need you to give Jane and me a moment alone.”
William didn’t move and tightened his hold on her hand. “What the hell is wrong with you, dude?”
Rys inhaled deeply, the muscles on the sides of his body standing out from the force of it. “I want to talk to Jane, Will. Just give us a moment.” His voice was deadly calm, and then finally he turned around. He now wore jeans, and the worn denim hung off his lean hips. That delicious V of muscles stood out in stark relief. The fading sun slashed through the picture window, bathing him in a golden glow. “Just a moment, Will.”
William turned and looked at her. She gave him a reassuring smile. It was clear Rys was upset, but even she knew he would never hurt her. She trusted them with her life. “It’s okay.” She squeezed William’s hand. After a long moment, he nodded reluctantly and turned to leave, but he stopped and kissed her cheek.
“I’ll just be in the living room. Don’t let him bully you.” He kissed her once more and left. A smile touched her lips, but when she looked at Rys, that smile died.
He leaned against the counter, his thick arms crossed over his chest as he stared at her intently. She couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but his expression chilled her. Her throat was dry, and she licked her lips, not knowing what to say. Why was he so upset? The anger started to slowly fade from his face, and a deep sadness filled it. Dropping his hands to his side, he breathed out roughly.
“Come here, baby.” His voice was low and cracked at the end. She went to him without hesitation, and when she was close enough, he wrapped his arms around her. They didn’t say anything for several long moments, but they didn’t need to. Everything was being said in that silence. Slowly, as if his legs couldn’t hold him up any longer, he slid to the ground with her. His legs were spread, and she fit right between them. He stroked her hair, whispering incoherent things. She might not understand what he said, but she knew they were comforting.
He had heard her conversation with William, and even though she had every intention of telling him, she wished he hadn’t found out that way.
“Why didn’t you tell me, baby? I would have taken care of you. I would have hurt anyone who hurt you.” His voice was strained, hard. “Why didn’t you tell me?” His voice was barely a whisper. She had never seen Rys this way. He gripped her arms and pulled her back so he could look in her face.
“I…” Looking down, she broke contact for a moment. “I was afraid.” She lifted her gaze and stared at him. “I was afraid to get you two involved. I was afraid of what would happen when someone else knew. I was just afraid, Rys.” He didn’t speak at first, but she could see his brain working through it all.
“Shit, baby.” Pulling her close, he kissed her gently. “I would do anything for you. You do know that, right?” The desperate look in his eyes let her know that whatever he was dealing with right now was too strong for him to comprehend. He needed to reassure himself, needed her to tell him that everything was okay.
