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“Shush, Cate, I’m here. It’s going to be okay. No one can hurt you now.”
But that wasn’t right. Because what happened all those years ago could still hurt me every day. And it still did hurt me every day, every time I thought about what they had done and what they had taken away from me.
Alessio was sitting on the edge of the bed. As the sobs kept on coming, he reached over and wrapped me in his warm embrace.
His strong arms felt safe, as if he could protect me from those men and from my memories—if only he could. I wanted his arms around me. I wanted him to protect me.
I was trembling—it felt so real like it had all happened just a minute ago. And I felt exhausted as if all my muscles had been wrung out and my whole mind had been taken over by these awful memories.
Alessio caressed the back of my head with his hand, trying to calm me with each stroke. He whispered to me, “You’re safe now, and nothing can happen to you here in my home. I’ll look after you.”
I tried to calm down, willing my pulse to stop racing.
“What were you dreaming about?” he asked.
I clung to the warmth of his body, hoping it would ease my shivering and bring me back into the present. “It was just a nightmare,” I sobbed.
“A nightmare doesn’t leave you like this. What happened to you to make you like this?”
But I couldn’t answer. I couldn’t stop the heaving tears.
He laid me down in his bed. He smoothed my hair back from my forehead before laying down next to me, pulling me into his arms and resting my head against his chest.
And he just let me cry, he just let me grieve all over again like I had already done so many times in the past. And as he held me, he made soothing noises and whispered into my hair.
Once my sobs had quieted down, he spoke gently to me.
“Was your nightmare about the Russians?” I stayed quiet. “If you talk about it, it might help.” Nothing could help bring my mom or brother back. “You can talk to me, cara. Please let me help you.”
And those words started to make me unravel and made me lower my guard, the barrier I always kept up between myself and the rest of the world. How I longed for someone to help me. And him calling me ‘cara’, an Italian endearment, made me feel closer to him somehow.
Those words might have been my undoing. But then I reminded myself who he was.
He was the Consigliere of the Fratellanza. And, like all Made Men, underneath the surface lay a monster who needed blood and death to survive. A monster who was trying to drag me into his lair so that he could make me vulnerable again and destroy me all over again.
“I can’t remember what I was dreaming about.” He stilled when I said that—I could tell that he didn’t believe me.
But it didn’t matter, anyway. Talking about my nightmares wouldn’t stop them from being real. He might be the Consigliere of the Fratellanza, but even he couldn’t change the past.
He didn’t say anything else, nor did he release me from his embrace.
Normally, I found it hard to fall asleep after I had that nightmare. But today was different. Alessio’s presence meant I didn’t have to be scared of the dark. I didn’t have to be scared of the memories creeping up on me.
CHAPTER 7
CATE
When I woke in the morning, I immediately sensed the unfamiliar sheets around me. As my eyes opened, I tried to drag myself out of the sleepiness that was fogging my mind.
I remembered the nightmare last night and Alessio holding me, trying to comfort me. I remembered being in his arms as we laid together on his bed. I must have fallen asleep like that.
Had he stayed next to me all night? He was gone now, so I couldn’t be sure.
I saw that he had left some clothes at the end of the bed, and I got up to take a look. There was a pair of jeans and a pink top. I recalled that he had a younger sister, so these must have belonged to her. At least I could change out of his t-shirt now and put on some proper clothes.
I got dressed in the bathroom before coming back out into the bedroom. Alessio still wasn’t back, and I decided to go find him so that I could leave here and go back to my apartment.
I wasn’t sure what time it was, but the house was quiet. I crept down the stairs, for some reason not wanting to disturb this house which was a stranger to me.
