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Carter stripped down to his boxers with his body pressed into her, motioning for us to help with the other blankets to cover them.
“She’ll be ok, but will need water in a little bit, and maybe tea or just hot water if you don’t have any.”
Sometimes I forget Carter is a firefighter with EMT training. Normally. he’s a jerk and I stay away from him, but right now he’s showing a completely different side of himself. He whispers softly into Willa’s hair as he holds her to his chest, soothing her.
“Her ankle looks broken.” Callie comes over after taking a look and propping a pillow under it. “It doesn’t look too bad, but we should get her to the hospital to make sure.”
My vision starts to cloud and everything Callie is saying gets further away. I’m the one that takes care of everyone, but I can’t help Willa. I couldn’t stop her from driving up here. She could’ve died out there and I couldn’t do anything to stop that. And I can’t do anything to help her now.
Sitting back and letting everyone else take charge has me feeling completely helpless.
Our last conversation plays in my head. She confronted me about Luca. She said I was playing with his heart and that if I was his friend, I should stop. I was so angry. No one tells me what to do. If I wanted to hook up with Luca, that was my business. We had a clear end date, and I gave no promises of anything more.
“He loves you, Kandi. You know this,” she said. “You’re breaking his heart, and he’s already dealt with enough. If you cared at all, you’d stop playing with him.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. All I do is care. I do everything for my friends and the unappreciative guys on the hockey team. The one time I do something for myself, like enjoying a fun time with a guy more than willing to participate, I get shit for it. I’ve never broken anyone’s heart before. I always end it before that could happen. I never let them or myself get too close.
“I think you’re talking to the wrong person.” I glared at her, feeling my anger boil to its breaking point. I’ve watched her time after time, taking Vic back and never said a word.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Willa demanded.
“You know as well as I do, Vic is the one you should be talking to. He’s the one cheating, using and playing with your heart.” I didn’t hold anything back. “Don’t project your shit on me. You can’t judge me or anyone when you’re the one holding on to a man that will never respect you.”
She hasn’t talked to me in weeks. I meant everything I said, but I should’ve said it sooner. We should’ve talked about it, instead of arguing with harmful intentions. And she wasn’t wrong.
Luca had feelings for me, but I didn’t think they were real. It never is. But then again, it’s never been Luca. And I never wanted it to be real.
“Let’s get you changed.” Luca rubs my shoulder, taking me out of the trance I was in, watching Carter soothe Willa back to life.
I brush him off and walk like a zombie to my room. Slowly, ignoring everything around me with the focus of getting away.
“Where’s your bag?” Luca comes in behind me and searches for my bag.
I want to be able to get it myself, but I can’t. My brain isn’t working and my body is moving without any clear thought behind it. I’m pacing a small circle, clutching each one of my fingers, one at a time.
“Your shirt’s still wet.” Luca stops me to face him and pulls it over my head.
“You left me.” My voice comes out a low whisper as he slips another tank top over my head.
Carefully dressing me in the clothes he found.
“I came back.” He starts pulling at my shorts and lets them fall to the floor.
“You said you love me.” My hands are shaking again. “And then you left.”
Luca finds my sweatpants and helps me step into them.
“I’m sorry,” he says once they're securely tied around my waist.
He goes to my bag and finds my sweatshirt.
“They’re always sorry.”
“Kandi,” Luca holds my shoulders steady. “Look at me.” I snap my gaze to his. Those clear blue-green, aquamarine eyes stare down at me, seeing right through to all my insecurities, exposing me for who I really am.
It’s all bubbling right at the surface, giving way to everything I keep buried deep down and hidden from everyone.
I don’t cry. I don’t get scared. Fear is how they control you.
