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“I haven’t done anything yet.” I pull on his hand, and we walk to the closest bus stop.
The whole time on the bus, Liam’s leg is bouncing fast and hard. I want to calm him down like he does me, but I don’t know what to say. David has been slowly going downhill and the meds aren’t helping him.
“Downtown is so big. Where do we start?” Liam asks.
“I don’t know, but David is a big boy. He’ll know how to take care of himself,” I say, trying to assure him.
“I don’t know,” is all he says and then he’s texting his parents. The police won’t get involved because not enough time has passed since David went missing, but the neighbors are all out helping. Liam texts his mom that he’s heading downtown, and she replies why would David go there?
I rub his thigh. “We have to stay positive,” I urge. We get off at the subway station. We walk fast and look around for David but don’t spot him. The subway is less busy this time of night.
Again, Liam pulls at his hair. “I don’t know what I’ll do if we can’t find him. I’m his big brother. I’m supposed to protect him.”
I take his hand in mine, and selfishly, it feels good to be able to touch him in public. “We’ll do the best we can. That’s all anyone can ever do.”
He turns to look at me thoughtfully.
“The social worker who removed me from my mother’s care told me that. I was terrified when I left her because at least I knew what to expect there. My entire life was about to change, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“Thank you.” Liam sighs, and then he takes a deep breath and closes his eyes.
I remain quiet until we reach downtown, and then I nudge him. When I do, I realize he has fallen asleep. Maybe he crashed from all the adrenaline pumping through his veins.
“Huh, what?” He wakes with a startle.
“We need to get off,” I say. We’re still holding hands, and when I stand, he follows. We wait by the doors, holding a bar.
We’re quiet as we exit the subway station and head up to street level. The streets are busy, and the air is crisp. We begin walking, and I head to one of the shelters I know.
“What is this?” Liam asks as we enter through the front door.
“A homeless shelter,” I reply, and I look away from him, wondering what judgment I’ll see in his eyes.
“How do you know about this place?” he asks.
“The times I left my mom’s house, I’d spend the night here. It was better than on the streets,” I share, although it wasn’t always safer. “Sometimes Mom had a guy stay over, and if they got really wasted, things could get out of hand. After one guy got handsy with me, I decided not to stay when the others came. I just didn’t want to chance it.” When I look at Liam, he looks stricken.
His thumb rubs over my cheek back and forth. “I never want you to feel like that again.”
“I’m good now,” I assure him.
“The Pattersons are not good,” he scoffs.
“They’re better than what I had,” I assure him as we wait at the door of the shelter. I ring the bell.
Liam still looks stricken.
“Don’t go feeling sorry for me now. I’m a survivor, and I don’t need your pity. We’re here to look for David.”
“Thanks,” he says. “And it’s not pity. I’m just amazed by everything you’ve overcome. You’re the strongest person I know.” A lady comes to let us in.
“We’re looking for his brother,” I explain.
She nods, and we follow her deeper into the shelter. I don’t feel strong most days, but I do what I must to get by. I take Liam’s phone and show David’s picture to a bunch of guys, who shake their heads. We head into what is the eating area, and I see one of the women who runs the place.
“Hi, Debbie,” I say.
“Skylar?” she asks with a furrowed brow and a curved smile.
