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“Sounds good,” I say of his suggestion to meet up with his friends. We need space between us, or at least I need space. I only fear our friendship is dying a sure death, or maybe it’s run its path. The thought causes my throat to tighten.
“Yeah,” he agrees solemnly. I get the feeling he wants to say more but he’s holding back, or maybe it’s me who wants to say more but has no clue what to say.
As a last-ditch effort, I blurt, “What are you doing for Thanksgiving? You should totally come to my parents’. It’ll be fun, and Liam and Skylar will be there. Connor is coming with his daughter too,” I rush out.
His brown eyes lighten. “Yeah?” He rubs at the scruff on his chin. “I was thinking of going out to my friends’ in Philly. We went to college together and they always do a big Thanksgiving reunion, but I’d like to spend the holiday with you. Thanks.”
“Sure thing,” I reply, feeling awkward because he just gave up on his old meaningful friendships to be with me. Does that mean something? I want to punch myself for being so out of the loop. I need to find a way to get back on track with Evan. He’s become important to me, and I care about him. We end the awkward conversation, and he leaves my office. It’s rare we have a night off. Tomorrow, we have a home game. I finish some paperwork and leave the arena.
The girls decided on Focus again because we’re used to the place and it’s central to where we all live. I head back to my apartment to freshen up and change my clothes.
I usually like to wear slacks when I go out, but today I’m feeling like a skirt. This whole kiss thing with Evan has thrown me for a loop. I know I’ve been staying away from hookups, but maybe that’s exactly what I need to get my head on straight. I dress in a tan, vegan leather mini skirt and pair it with a cream tank top bodysuit. I also put on a push-up bra so my boobs are pushed together, giving me just the right amount of cleavage. And because it’s freezing outside, I take a faux fur peacoat that hits my knees. When I walk up to Focus, Ellie and Amelia are just arriving.
“Holy shit, Patty, you look freaking hot,” Ellie compliments. “You looking to have some fun tonight?”
“Yes,” I declare.
“The drought ends.” Amelia fist pumps the air since they both know I haven’t hooked up in way too long.
When we walk in, we spot Rosie, Willow, and Eden already seated at a table. We all hug each other because it’s been too long since we got together. We order drinks and catch up on our lives. That consists of Willow saying she met another frog, Rosie pretty much saying the same thing, and Ellie complaining she hates working in a ladies’ clothing store because she feels like her artistic side is going to waste. Her words not mine.
“Okay, let’s go dance,” Rosie suggests. “Patty looks too good. We need to find her a hottie for tonight.”
“Maybe I should sit out,” Willow offers. “I don’t want to bring you bad luck. I’m beginning to think I’m cursed when it comes to men.”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I say and pull her hand as we all head to the dance floor. We all start dancing together. The place is packed. The girls start pointing out some guys to me who are checking me out, but none of them are doing it for me.
After about half an hour in, Willow has left our little dance circle to dance with a guy. Rosie has gone too. Ellie sticks to my side, along with Eden and Amelia.
“You’ve rejected like five guys.” Ellie brings to my attention as if I didn’t notice. “That last one was super-hot.”
She isn’t wrong.
“I need a drink,” I deflect. I don’t want to drink too much because I have to be at the arena at seven tomorrow, but one more drink won’t hurt.
We decide to sit back down at our table and order from there. Once our drinks are served, we hang out around the table just chilling.
“What is going on with you?” Ellie asks. “You got all made up to have some fun and you’re rejecting every hot man who comes your way. It’s very unlike you.”
Eden and Amelia both nod their heads.
“What’s really going on?” Amelia asks.
I lean my elbows on the table and rub my eyes. “I wasn’t attracted to any of the men who came up to me. I just couldn’t picture myself with any of them.”
“But it’s one night of fun,” Amelia reasons, “not a commitment.”
Shit! I’ve really fed these girls a load of bullshit over the years about being strong, independent women and playing by our own rules. Each of us has been hurt by a man at one point. It was easier to put up a guard and call it independence instead of being accused of being terrified to have my heart trampled again, which was really the case. The time alone in Europe was eye-opening because I realized I was full of shit in a major way. I was just as scared as the next person was of getting hurt. Yet people put their hearts on the line all the time and me? I found a different way. The cowardly way.
It was time to come clean. I finally confess to the girls I was hurt when I was nineteen years old and never wanted to feel that way again, so I’ve been hooking up with men who I didn’t have much in common with—other than sexual attraction—because it was safe.
“Holy shit,” Ellie mutters from beside me. “I never bought your bullshit about never settling down because I’m a romantic at heart, but I literally thought you just weren’t capable of falling for a guy.”
The other girls nod their heads, indicating they believed the same thing.
“Are you saying you’re ready to find a special someone?” Amelia asks.
“I’m not saying that at all. I spent a lot of time on my own in Europe and I felt like I wasn’t honest with you guys, and you all deserved to hear my truth,” I confess.
