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I’m okay if it will be positive, but how will Evan react? How can I break the news to him?
Before I open the door, I look at my Apple watch. One minute and thirty seconds to go.
Ellie is waiting and she takes a step toward me and holds my hand. “Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay.”
Before the two minutes are up a second line appears. Truth is, my gut told me this was happening.
“Okay, congratulations to me,” I say with excitement and then break into ugly tears.
“Oh, honey,” Ellie says, and she takes me in her arms. She lets me cry until I have no more tears to shed.
Then she takes the pregnancy test and guides me to her kitchenette.
“I’m going to make you some chamomile tea. Come have a seat at the breakfast bar,” she says, referring to the one chair she has against a counter.
I take a seat. My head feels like it’s in the clouds.
Ellie places the tea in front of me. “What are you going to do?”
“We aren’t even in a relationship. We can’t go from friendship to hello I’m carrying your baby, so let’s spend the rest of our lives together. It just doesn’t make sense,” I reason aloud.
“I saw him that night at the club. That man has feelings for you. After all this time, you must know he doesn’t consider you some hookup,” Ellie says.
“After our one night together, he said he wanted more. I pushed him away. Gah! What is wrong with me?”
“Nothing,” Ellie assures. “You told us yourself. You were hurt in the past and it cut deep. That doesn’t mean every guy is going to be the same. I think Evan is a keeper.”
“You’re getting a head of yourself here,” I chuckle. “Maybe I just need time to process.”
“Take all the time you need. Just remember that babies arrive nine months later,” she reminds.
That’s when I tell Ellie about my experience with the ectopic pregnancy and how it made me so sad I never wanted to experience pregnancy again. I also mention the doctors did say I was capable of carrying a healthy baby to term.
“You need to have some faith, Patty. I’ve learned these last several years life can be rocky. You got to roll with the punches, but you also need to see the good. This is your second chance,” she says. She hugs me and my insides are filled with hope, but I also know I need to see if this pregnancy is viable. Only then can I tell Evan. For now, it’s best we keep a distance.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FOUR
Patty
The last two months have been grueling. I have the nausea caused by the pregnancy mostly under control. And by control, I mean I eat small meals throughout the day and saltines have become my best friend. I vomit on the occasional morning. The doctor has been monitoring my blood work, which looks good. I’m just waiting on my first ultrasound, which I’ve pushed off because of my fears. My schedule has been jam-packed with games and some players who are injured. I’m exhausted and worn out to the point I’ve been talking to Rebel about coming to work for her in her private physical therapy clinic after the season is over. It’s been a fun ride working with the team. I just don’t see myself living this lifestyle for much longer. Along with the passage of time, I’ve allowed myself to hope this pregnancy will be different. I will have a baby of my own. Hope is scary, it raises expectations. Makes me believe I can have what I define as true happiness. My body is transforming before my eyes. My stomach swelling, my breasts achy and plump, but I also look tired and sometimes a little green from feeling nauseous, or maybe that’s just how I view myself.
Evan was persistent at first about us seeing each other regularly and I hated to hurt him, but there was no way I could be close to him while feeling the way I did. I care for him but I was also struggling to get through the first three months of pregnancy when risks of complications are the highest. I hated every time I told him I was tired and going home to rest. The nice guy he is meant he began to worry about me working myself too hard. He dropped off meals I usually loved prepregnancy and told me to have a good night. Problem was I didn’t feel like eating my old favorites. Carbs had become my best friend because they stopped the nauseous feeling. I’ve also kept my parents in the dark, and Mom has had enough of me brushing her off. Which is why she invited me over to her place tonight, while Kevin is in town, because he was playing the Rangers.
As I head over to my parents’, I can’t stop yawning. At a red light I peek in the rearview mirror. Dark circles are under my eyes and skin that is too pale stare back at me.
When I arrive at my parents’, I take a deep breath. I’m wearing a pair of black leggings with an oversized banana-colored sweatshirt that has a wide neck and hangs off one shoulder. I think the outfit is cute and hides the subtle changes occurring in my body. I also have a puffer jacket on since it’s still freezing outside.
When the elevator door opens, Mom is waiting for me, an anticipating look on her face. She was just involved with a major case against a business tycoon and spent the last few weeks holed up in her office, which is also one of the reasons I haven’t been over.
“Patty bear, I missed you,” she greets as she opens her arms and gives me a hug. “You look tired, baby.”
“I am,” I admit. There is no point in hiding that fact. My job is demanding.
“Your brother is already here. He was hungry so he’s having a little snack in the kitchen.” Growing up, I don’t remember a time my brother wasn’t hungry.
“Is Daddy here?” I ask.
“Yeah, he’s with Kev in the kitchen,” she says.
