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“I care about Syd too.”
“I know,” he says, softening. “And she cares about you.”
“And we have this stupid wedding to follow through on,” I say and he flinches.
Good.
“We don’t have to go through with it if you don’t want to. Sybil knows we are engaged. We can drag out the engagement,” he says.
“I told Nana there would be a wedding. You saw how happy that made her,” I remind.
“I’m still in, Ellie. I just wanted to keep things less complicated. Last night I was feeling worked up over what happened with Sybil, and I wasn’t thinking straight. . .”
“So, you want to say we were a mistake. That you regret it.” My tone picks up as I drop my paintbrush and walk past him. I’m too worked up to focus now anyway.
He takes hold of my wrist as I am walking past him. “Don’t walk away,” he says, his sapphire eyes pleading.
“You’re the one pushing me away.” My anger dissolves with his touch. In its place all I feel is burning hot need from his hand around my wrist. How pathetic. Especially when he releases my hand and grasps the end of his hair with his fingers.
“I’m terrified, Ellie. Sybil is throwing around threats and Syd is my life. It’s been her and me against the world all this time. Since you came into the mix, you’ve shaken that equilibrium. In a good way, but I’m not used to having someone in our lives. We care about you. Both of us, and it’s scary. There is too much going on with me right now for me to unpack my feelings, but it doesn’t mean I want to lose you. I sure as hell don’t want you walking away from us.”
Once again, his words have the power to gut me. The tension leaves my body and all that is left is worry for Syd. Sybil can’t win custody over her. It terrifies me to think of Syd with her mom, who is so out of touch with her daughter’s needs, and that scummy fiancé of hers.
“I’m not leaving,” I say quietly, touching Connor’s arm in a friendly way. “But I need to get out of here. I need some space to think. I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”
“Are you going to visit your nana?” he asks.
“No, I’m just going to head out to walk around,” I say. “By the way, Nora called earlier. They want us to give them a date for the wedding and choose a menu.”
“We can do that when you get back.” He nods with a small smile. “Do you think you may want to go to a hockey game tonight?”
“Umm. I’ve never been.”
“It’s a playoff game. It’s a pretty big deal. It’s sold out and I wanted to take Syd,” he says.
I think of my nonno and his love for the game. I also think of what Nana said about leaving me the team once she is gone. My brothers are probably going to flip the fuck out from that news.
“I’d love to. Might as well get to know the game since I’ll be married to a professional goalie.”
Connor smiles but it’s tight and nervous.
I head to my room to change my clothes. He said his head was spinning, well mine is too. I can’t turn these feelings off and I can’t walk away either.
CHAPTERTWENTY-FIVE
Ellie
I’m walking aimlessly down the sidewalk, thankful for the sun warming my skin. It’s the perfect amount of warm outside, not too hot since the summer humidity hasn’t hit us yet. Connor admitted feelings for me but if he isn’t willing to act on them, where does that leave us? Where does it leave me? I don’t want to have to convince Connor that I am worth his time. I want him to see it on his own. I want someone to put me first for once. I want to be treated kindly and with respect. I want love. Unconditional love, with no strings attached. Gah! My family has really left me emotionally scarred.
My cell rings. No, that can’t be right. Dante hasn’t reached out to me in years. My older brother didn’t defend me when all the shit with my family went down. His exact words were tosuck it up and save face. Yet, I can’t deny my curiosity. I stare at the phone. A part of me wants to answer and a part of me wants to just say fuck you. Only I am affected now. Is he suddenly just remembering I exist?
The call ends before I answer, and I take a deep breath. It’s for the best. I continue to stroll down the streets window-shopping when my cell rings again. Dante’s name lights up the screen. I answer on instinct.
“Hello.”
“Hi there, little sister, long time no speak,” he says with his cheery light tone.
“What do you want, Dante?”
