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Her words wash over me as I sit there, dumbstruck.
“I know you think that my life is great because I’m conventionally attractive, Mona,” Grace says, her voice barely more than a whisper. “I get it. I’m thin and white and have a shitload of privilege because of that. But I’m a woman, too. The flavor of misogyny I deal with might differ from yours, but it’s still there. I’m not saying I have it anywhere near as bad as you or Blair do, but it’s there.” Her voice shakes a little, and she pushes herself out of the booth, wiping away a tear with the back of her hand. “I need to use the restroom. I’ll be back in a minute.”
“Grace, I’m sorry!” I say, reaching out to squeeze her hand before she can leave. She squeezes it back and gives me a watery smile. “I’m fine. I know you’re hurting and it breaks my heart that you can’t see how incredible you are. You don’t want to end up like me—letting a man break your spirit and convince you that you’re not enough.”
“You’re enough, Grace. You’re my best friend and I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Luckily, you’ll never have to find out. Now, if you’ll let go of my hand, I really do need to go pee.”
“Oh!” I let go, and she laughs weakly before heading away to leave me alone with Blair.
“ I…” Blair raises a brow at me as I struggle to find something to say to fill the awkward silence. “I didn’t mean to negate your experiences. Or Grace’s. I’m sorry!” A tear rolls down my cheek at how much of a self-centered jerk I just was.
She nods. “No apologies necessary. I just wanted you to get out of your own self-hating ass for a second. I’ve been where you are now, and so has Grace. We get it.” Her expression softens, and she leans forward. “What did he lie about? That man is obsessed with you. There’s no way I’m buying that he only wanted you for sex.”
I look around to make sure no one is nearby to overhear our conversation. I still don’t know what the protocol is for talking about paranormal shit in public. “He lied about being a witch. He’s also part-succubus.”
“Ah.” Blair takes a sip from her wine glass.
The thick, dark liquid draws my attention, momentarily distracting me. “Wait, is that blood?!” I squeak, then clamp my hand over my mouth, worried someone heard me.
Blair chuckles and sets her glass back down. “Focus, Mona.”
“But…how?”
“The bartender knows my preferences. Most people that come to Nightlight are monsters. I thought you knew that.” She shrugs, like that isn’t a shocking revelation to me. “Now, back to Max. He’s part-succubus. Okay. That’s shitty that he hid it from you, but I’m not seeing why that would cause a breakup.”
“We ran into ex-lovers of his the night you picked me up. They were worried about me and told me that Max used them for sex. Said he’d used his powers to seduce them, and he’d done the same with me.”
“You think he compelled you to sleep with him?” she asks, her tone even.How can she be so chill about this?
“Yes! He’s a succubus. That’s what they do, isn’t it? I may not know much about monsters, but that’s their nature—to seduce. All of those dreams, all the things we did together…why else would they happen? Why else would he want me other than I was an easy target to manipulate?”
Blair takes another long drink from her wine glass. “I’m going to say something that you won’t like.”
“That happens a lot lately. Go ahead.”
“You know how you’re so upset that people judge you because you’re fat? Well, how do you think Max feels?”
“It’s not the same! It’s part of who he is. Part of his nature.”
“And who made you the expert on monsters? Mona, you’ve known about us for a month. It’s possible that Max used his powers to seduce you—I’m not saying it isn’t. But you trusted the words of strangers and your own limited understanding of succubi over the man you’re in love with.” She pauses, scanning my face before continuing with a sigh. “It’s easier for you to blame your sexual needs on someone else. To make your desires more palatable. But that’s not fair to Max, and it’s not fair to you. I saw you at The Vault when I tied you up. That had nothing to do with him, and everything to do with your own needs.”
My mouth opens and closes as I process what she’s said. I want to argue that she’s wrong. But she’s not. My stomach sinks as I realize I let my anger and self-worth issues ruin things with Max.
“Last thing, because I see Grace coming back. Your dreams didn’t sound like something a succubus can do. They can enter dreams, but you pulled Max into yours. I’m not saying you need to give him another chance or take him back. But something else was going on between you two. Whether or not you choose to look into that is up to you.”
Max didn’t lie about the dreams? My head spins and I feel like I need to lie down. I consider texting Max, but can’t bring myself to do it. All he wanted to do was love me and I didn’t believe him. I still don’t know how to let him love me, let alone how to love myself.
37
“You can’t be serious, Toni. It’s been over almost a year since Karim passed. It’s time to move on and come back.” Grandma shakes her head in disbelief from across the table.
Mom’s hand trembles as she brings the spoon to my mouth, and she smiles weakly as I open to take the pureed peas from it, a bit slipping out of the side of my mouth. She looks so young without the fine lines of stress and aging carved into her face. “We’re not having this conversation right now.” Mom gestures down to me and over to Omar, who is playing with his cut up chicken instead of eating it.
“If not now, when? You hardly ever visit and make excuses when we try to stop by. I want to know my grandchildren!” Grandma gestures over to me, then Omar, who smiles up at her before finally popping the chicken into his mouth. “They deserve to be brought up properly. If you won’t do it, then your father and I can help. You don’t have to be involved until you’re ready to.” Grandma’s gentle voice wavers with her frustration.
I gurgle and look at the jar of peas, then clap my hands together, oblivious to the serious nature of the conversation. Mom smiles at me again, but tears well in her eyes. “Magic already took the man I loved from me. I won’t let it hurt my family any more.”
