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Alone.
I’m not too thrilled about this notion, but I know that this is something I need to do for myself.
“I am going to miss you so much, Natalie,” my mom says through a layer of tissues she holds in front of her face.
“Mom, I am always just a phone call away, and I’ll be home to visit as much as possible,” I say, knowing it is a lie. I have no intention of going home anytime soon, though I realize I will have to make the trip eventually.
Standing up from the sofa, I embrace my mom in a hug, setting the waterworks in full motion for the both of us.
She starts to part from me, and although the tears are still running down her flawless cheeks, she smiles. “You’re going to be just fine. I know you will be.”
“Thanks, mom. I love you,” I manage to say through a quiet sob.
God, this is going to be harder than I thought.
“I love you too, sweetie.” She wipes away all the tears from my face before pulling out the compact mirror from her purse to examine her reflection.
I hear my dad clear his throat, bringing my attention to him. “Well, Natalie, make sure you never leave the oven on when you aren’t home and always keep your door locked at night. I watch the news, and I know what … well, what I mean is, I love you, kid, and I hope you have a great time.”
He kisses my forehead and wraps his arms tightly around me before looking over at my mom. “Well, come on, Nancy. We’re going to hit traffic if we don’t start heading home soon.”
“I love you too, Dad,” I respond. I can’t be sure, but I think I see him wipe a tear from his cheek as he feigns a cough. My parents both leave with their sunglasses on, even though the sky is blanketed with massive grey clouds.
“My turn,” I hear Jason say from behind me. I turn to see him casually standing against the kitchen island with his burly arms crossed in front of his chest.
I have almost a year on him, but he towers over me by nearly a foot. And although his blonde hair and ocean-grey eyes mirror mine, those are the only physical similarities we share. His lanky frame filled out a few years ago after he joined the football team at our high school, which made me seem even smaller when I stood next to him. His height and stature are why I have difficulty looking at him like he’s mylittlebrother.
Instead, I tend to see him as mybigbrother, my protector.
“Don’t you get sappy on me too,” I tease and pull him in for a hug. “You know you are always more than welcome to come over whenever you want, right?”
“I know,” he says as I feel his hug get tighter. “You’ll call me if you need anything?”
“Yes, of course. Can’t … breathe,” I joke, trying to diminish the sadness in the air.
“It’s not going to be the same at home without you, Nat.” His grip around me loosens, and as he pulls away, I notice his eyes are glazed with tears. “What perfume do you have on? It’s driving my nose crazy.” He grabs a tissue and heads toward the door.
“I’m going to miss you too, Jason.” The truth is, he really has no idea how much I will miss having him around, especially after how much I have relied on him recently.
He smiles and puts his hand on the doorknob but then releases the handle and takes a detour to the kitchen. He opens the door to the fridge and sticks his arm inside, pulling out a silver can of beer. “For later,” he says as he shoves the can into his coat pocket and exits my apartment.
I laugh as I lock the door behind Jason and go into the living room because I know my mother will kill him if she catches him drinking. I wasn’t much of a drinker these days, but my mom insisted I have a stocked fridge of different beverage options in case I ever have company over. She also left me a frozen pizza for later so I wouldn’t spend my first night alone, starving.
Digging into one of the boxes left by my desk, I find a framed picture of my family from a few years ago at a theme park in Florida. The four of us are on a water ride, zooming down a mountain in a faux log, and getting soaked. We all have huge smiles on our faces as we laugh uncontrollably from the thrill of free-falling down the waterslide.
The photo had recently become one of my favorites and instantly lifted my mood whenever I saw it. It wasn’t some stuffy family portrait; it was a genuine, happy memory framed for us to remember that wonderful day for years to come. I’m assuming my mom snuck it into the box for me, so I put the picture on the end table by the sofa where it looks perfect.
But almost instantly, homesickness washes over me, and my eyes fill involuntarily with tears.
Get a hold of yourself, Natalie. It has only been five minutes since they left.
Taking a tissue from the box on the coffee table, I blot away at the additional tears trying to escape before they have a chance.
I pull my phone out of my back pocket to distract myself and see it’s only 7 p.m., but exhaustion takes over when I sit on the sofa and lie back.
Tomorrow I will have time to get all my textbooks and school supplies from the campus bookstore and then make a trip to the local grocery store to get some real food to eat. But for now, I make the conscious decision to stay in for the night instead of venturing into the neighborhood.
Making my way into the bathroom, I stare into the mirror after washing my face and throwing my hair in a messy bun on the very top of my head. The tiny scar above my left eye is more prominent without any makeup covering it, making me feel vulnerable. Without thinking, I run my fingers over the tiny indent in my skin. It's small enough that most people wouldn't notice it, especially not from afar, but I always know it's there, reminding me every day.
