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He smirked, his perfect lips curving up on one side. “No. I’m looking to not be miserable. If you want to hate me, that’s fine. I’m just a guy that doesn’t want to spend the rest of his life suffering.”
“You think you would be miserable with me?”
“Isn’t that what you’re trying to set up?” he asked. “You want to be a martyr.”
“Excuse me?”
“You want to be a glorious shield maiden throwing herself on her sword for her country. All in the name of duty. The history books will write about your great sacrifice. You married a man for money while never getting to find love. Unless you did find love and that’s why you are pissed about this arranged marriage.”
I was a little surprised by his bluntness, but I supposed I brought it out in him. “You’re wrong,” I argued, though his words struck a nerve. “I’m not trying to be a martyr. This isn’t about the history books. It’s about doing what’s best for my family and my country.”
“And what about what’s best for you?” he asked softly, his eyes searching mine.
I opened my mouth to respond, but the words caught in my throat. What was best for me? Did I even know anymore? All I had ever known was duty and sacrifice. “This is best for me because it’s best for my family.”
“Fine. I can’t wait to make your family happy.” His sarcasm was pretty thick. “I think it’s probably a stupid question, but it’s one of the conversation starters I practiced. I would hate for all of my time preparing for our first conversation to go to waste. So, are you looking forward to the season?”
I gave him a dry look. “Really?”
“You’re supposed to sayI’m nervous, and I would saythere’s nothing to be nervous about. We’re going to get along great. I look forward to getting to know you. If you said you were excited about the balls and teas and whatever else Lady Hamilton has planned, I would say I was looking forward to getting to know you.”
“You had the same answer?” I asked with slight amusement.
He shrugged, a small smile playing at his lips. “I didn’t want to overthink it.”
I couldn’t help but let out a small laugh, my tension breaking a little. “Well, I suppose we’ll have to come up with some new conversation starters then.”
“Agreed.” He leaned back in his chair, looking thoughtful. “So, tell me, what do you like to do in your free time? When you’re not attending balls and teas, of course.”
I considered the question for a moment, surprised by his interest. “You don’t have to do that.”
“Do what?”
“Pretend to be interested,” I said.
“Do you not understand we’re supposed to be married? I’m cool with the separate lives situation if that’s what you’re looking for, but I don’t see why I shouldn’t at least know the most basic things about you. Tell me now. If you are determined to make my life hell, let’s figure out a way out of this. I don’t give a shit about titles. I would rather humiliate myself and my family and stop this trainwreck from happening.”
I was taken aback by his sudden change in tone. There was a rawness in his words that I hadn’t expected. For a moment, I felt bad. I didn’t want to be his enemy. “I don’t want to make your life hell,” I said softly. “And I don’t want to stop this from happening. I just…” I trailed off, unsure of what to say.
“Just what?” he prompted.
“Just… I didn’t think this would be so difficult,” I admitted. “I mean, I knew it wouldn’t be easy, but I didn’t think it would be this tough to pretend.”
“Pretend?” he repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Is that what you think we’re doing? Pretending?”
“Well, isn’t it?” I asked, feeling confused. “I mean, we don’t really know each other. We’re just playing a part, right?”
He leaned forward, his eyes locked on mine. “Is that really what you think? That I don’t care about you? That I don’t want to get to know you?”
“I think this whole thing isn’t my plan for my life.Pretendmight not be the right word, but there is an element of pretend. We’re acting out a role. We’re going to face the public at the end of the season and pretend to be madly in love while we perform at an elaborate, very public wedding ceremony.”
He nodded solemnly. I saw the disappointment in those beautiful eyes. I knew I was bursting any bubble he might have had about this arrangement. I wasn’t a cruel person, but I felt it was important to be honest.
“You know, you don’t have to go through with this,” he said quietly. “You can back out. So can I.”
That got my attention. If he backed out, it would ruin my reputation and seriously damage my prospects at finding another match. I couldn’t marry just anyone. I had to marry someone with the means to give my family some help while we recovered from some hard times.
If I messed this up, I would hurt people who I cared about. I couldn’t let that happen.
