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Again I nodded, the words like a salve on a burn, something to rest in, even if they felt like the fairytale ending I wouldn’t get.
Nothing about the pack I was bonded to was simple. Love was saying what he had to believe, but he was wrong. It wasn’t just one day. It was a crossroads: A moment in which just maybe, there was a real future for me—or a moment in which my life finally slipped off that cliff entirely. That question still hung over my head, a constant scratching in my chest, demanding to know if I would be worth enough, no matter what Love said to me now.
“But after, Vex. We’ll manage your heat however you want us to, whether that’s with us, or not.”
I leaned back, looking up at him, lips quirking up with humour I was so desperate to feel. “I don’t know if Drake has the stamina on his own.”
Love’s smile was a reward in itself. “I’ll do you a favour, and never tell him you said that.”
I curled up against him again, still clutching Aisha’s collar, happy to linger in this tiny moment of peace.
Love wanted me. He hadn’t known I was gold pack when he’d cancelled the contract, and there truly was an offer of a princess bond between us. He was telling the truth, enough to commit him and his whole pack.
His hand brushed my hair affectionately. “They said the negotiations will happen when you go into heat, I thought… if you want drugs—”
“No drugs,” I whispered. There were drugs that delayed it, and drugs that suppressed heat. I’d taken the stronger of the two, the ones to push it off. The more I messed with either kind, the worse it would get.
It wasn’t a command from Zeus—he’d said nothing either way. “Every time I put it off, it’ll get worse. I’ve already put it off once. When it hits I’ll only be able to suppress it for a day or two.” Enough time for the negotiations—which was exactly what Zeus wanted. Me, right on the precipice of my heat—the greatest bargaining chip on the planet.
It was too dangerous to risk delaying it. If—and it was a big if—the negotiations would go in my favour, how long would they last? I wasn’t ready to think about my heat hitting before they were over.
“My heats… they’re erratic,” I said, knowing I needed to tell him this now, with Aisha’s collar in my hands, or I’d chicken out. “I’ve drugged up too many times. Sometimes I know for ages ahead of time, sometimes they come quickly and violently. My last one… I was out when it hit. Didn’t take ten minutes for it to burn through every scent blocker I had. I was… I was three streets from home. And then…” I closed my eyes. “I was stopped by these alphas.” My stomach dropped, panic spearing my veins at the memory. But I forged on, knowing I needed to say this to him. I owed Love this explanation for the choice that had changed all of our lives.
“Aisha… she’s the reason I got h-home.” My voice shook. “I could barely see straight or walk… and I… I… left her.”
“You had to,” he said, and I could see the fear in his eyes, even just hearing it. “She wanted you safe.” His grip on me tightened.
Blood still roared in my ears at the memory. Waking alone and grieving…
My voice was choked. “I used to watch movies all evening, and she… she loved yours so much.” I found another faint smile at the memory. “She’d always bark when Rook would come on—I had to skip his scenes if it was too late, or I’d have people knocking at my door… but then…” The fragile smile on my face vanished in a second. “I woke up from my heat, and she w-was g-gone. And y-your signing was that week. I’d never thought of actually going, but I wanted…” I clutched the collar closer to my chest.
“You were going to get us to sign her collar?” Love asked.
I nodded. “Itw-wasselfish—”
“Hey, hey that’s not true. And the scent match, the chances were so low.” He tugged me close. “She was there for you in the most vulnerable moment of your life.” He paused, something caught in his voice. “If you’ll let me, Vex, I’ll sign that on the day we’re enough to live up to Aisha’s legacy.”
TWELVE
DRAKE
The next morning, I woke in a cold moment of dread. It didn’t vanish until I’d opened my eyes to find she was here. Vex was still in my arms, present and trusting me to keep her safe.
I released a breath, propping myself up at her side, keeping my arm around her. I couldn’t take my eyes away. She was so beautiful, and looked more peaceful now than she did when she was awake.
Both Love and I had read the little black book last night. We’d had to, to break the commands she was bound to, even if it was something she’d never wanted us to see. I’d digested every line, as I imagined Vex tucked away somewhere, drawing blood, alone and in pain. Now, I couldn’t shake them.
Dear Drake: You don’t want me.
Dear Drake: Please don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you.
I knew what the last one was about. It was from the morning I’d woken and almost hurt her. It was why I’d pleaded with Love yesterday to sleep on the bed instead of the couch the moment she said she was okay with it. I didn’t know when my own nightmares would surface again, when I might wake in the night, not myself. But if Love was here, he could keep her safe.
Now the notebook was in the office downstairs, untouched. Vex was free of the command, and we were chained to the truths she’d never wanted us to see.
I held her closer, despair getting the better of me, wishing I could be more for her. I felt the faintest rumblings of a purr in her chest as I did, as if she was trying to soothe my pain.
Love stirred at my side, rubbing his eyes and glancing over at us instantly, as if he had woken with that same dread I had. His eyes snagged on her, and I saw a softness in that look. It was new from him, not something I’d ever see him offer anyone before. But there was sadness in his eyes, too. He’d locked the bond down the moment he’d read that book yesterday, and I hadn’t felt him since. When I’d asked him about it, he’d just shaken his head and refused to answer. There was more in there for him than there had been for me. More for all of the others—and all of it had been worse.
