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It’s a lie, but I have to do it. I can’t admit it. It’s the one thing in my life I’ve ever done that was completely reckless, and I can’t fucking tell the truth. I’m too ashamed.
Cash scoffs, and Ford takes a step toward me, bending down and taking my hands in his. They’re so big that they engulf mine. They’re so fucking warm, so fucking strong.
I peer into his eyes and then my gaze flicks to Cash. He looks so fucking upset with me. Not that I blame him.
I would be too.
The amount of jealousy that surged through me when I saw them together was unreasonable. I can’t imagine what they’re feeling right now. I can’t stand it. I can’t fucking breathe.
I pull my hands away and stand up, the chair scooting back loudly. Ford and Cash watch me intently, and I shake my head.
“I—I’m going. I’m not doing this. I can’t do this.”
Ford pushes himself up, and I glance at the two of them standing there—two devastatingly handsome men who star in all of my fantasies—and swallow back my tears.
“I’m so fucking sorry.”
And then I dash from the house, stumbling out the front door and jogging to my car. My dick is still hard, not at all ashamed for being the slut it is as I fumble with my car keys.I need to get a newer car so I can make a hastier escape,I think as my keys fall to the ground. I grab them with a curse and jam them into the lock. My vision swimming, I slide inside and turn the car on, swiping at my eyes as I peel away from the curb. I don’t even look to see if they’re watching me. I don’t need to look.
Without thinking about it, I drive to Tatum’s place. He lives with several roommates and they all know me, so I don’t even knock, just walk right in, waving at a few people gathered on the couch. They don’t even blink at my intrusion as I make my way up the stairs to his room. I knock once and then push the bedroom door open, finding Tatum on his bed, bright green headphones covering his ears. He has a purple pencil in his mouth and when I appear before him, his bright eyes meet mine.
“Hey,” he says, pulling the headphones off so they hang around his neck. “What’s wrong?”
I shake my head, kicking off my shoes and crawling into bed with him. His arms pull me into his chest, and he sighs.
“Oh god, what happened?” he asks, his hand rubbing up and down my back, trying to soothe me.
“I sucked their dicks at the same time,” I manage to say with a hiccup.
“And that’s a problem?” Tatum asks, his fingers threading through my hair gently.
“It is because now they know what I’ve done. What I’ve been doing.”
Tatum sighs. “You’ve done nothing wrong. They both knew this wasn’t exclusive. They went into this with eyes wide open.”
“Yeah, but they’re mad.”
“Obviously not that mad if they let you suck their dicks.”
I peer up at him and his eyes twinkle. “It’s not funny.”
“I’m not laughing. I swear. I’m just amused that you’re here with me and not getting your greedy butthole split open over and over.”
“They wouldn’t do that. They—it was just a moment of insanity.”
Tatum snorts, and I glower at him.
“Sorry, I’m sure it was a moment of insanity, but I guarantee you that it’ll happen again. And again. Those men are so horny for you, and you’re just as bad. I’m sure they’ll come to that realization very soon.”
I snuggle up against him and let him just hold me. I’m not sure he’s right. I think I’ve fucked it all up.
* * *
“Hey! Benjamin. How are you doing?” a friendly voice says. I turn my gaze up and see Colin standing there beside his boyfriend, Ethan, the man who glowers at me nonstop whenever they come to the senior home to visit Colin’s grandma, Beth.Well, I got the point, buddy, I think as I scrub at my tired eyes. I peer up and see Colin looking so damn good in his tight athletic pants and shirt. But on top of that, what makes him shine, is how happy he looks. Content. I’m sure I don’t look like that at the moment.
After leaving Tatum’s room at midnight last night, I went back to my place and tossed and turned for hours before deciding I should get back to the gym. I’ve missed a lot of yoga classes the past few weeks, mainly because I was getting my exercise elsewhere.
Now I need to find an alternative to cardio fucking.
