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“I’m okay,” I say, taking in the scowling British man next to him. He’s wearing loose athletic shorts that show off his muscular legs and a tight-fitting long-sleeved shirt. He’s absolutely gorgeous. No wonder Colin is so damn happy—the way Ethan looks at him with nothing but adoration. It’s so opposite to the way in which Ford and Cash looked at me last night.
Just the thought of it has my stomach rolling.
“So good to hear,” Colin says, spreading his mat out and sitting down cross-legged. He turns to Ethan and begins talking quietly, so I just face forward, catching my reflection in the mirror. I look horrendous. Like I haven’t slept in a week. There are dark purple smudges under my bloodshot eyes. My hair is in disarray and I just look sallow, sunken, anemic.
I should eat more, but fuck, the stress of everything is making my appetite nonexistent. Perhaps working out with some yoga will give me some of that back, will help me relax. But by the end of class, I only feel like I’m going to throw up. I shouldn’t have gone this long without working out. I feel the burn of stretching and several under-worked muscles scream at me as I roll up my mat and gulp down water.
“Alright, well, it was good to see you again. Catch you again soon?” Colin asks, and I nod before watching him lean into Ethan as they make their way out of class. I can’t believe I ever went on a date with him—thatthatman was even interested in me. Perhaps if I could have stayed awake during our date, I’d be happily dating Colin right now. But no, that couldn’t have happened. By that time, my trysts with Ford and Cash had already started, and I was only on that date because I’d already made plans with Colin and didn’t want to cancel.
To say that Cash was upset when he found out I was on a date with another man was an understatement. He punished my mouth with that tattooed dick when he got me alone. Made me see stars and then caressed my face after, looking down at me in awe. That’s a look I’ll never see from him again.
Oh god. I walk on shaky legs to my car and sink into the driver’s seat. I feel like I’m going to pass out. My vision swims, and I grab a discarded, unopened granola bar from my console and force it down, nearly gagging on it. But I know this is what my body needs. Sustenance. Food. Fuck, I hate it. Such a goddamn chore.
I wash down the scratchy bits with some water and then start up my car, pulling out of the parking lot and driving home. It’s still so early, and I feel like I could sleep for a week with how exhausted I am, but I know it’s useless. I won’t be able to, not with the anxiety bubbling inside of me.
So I just shower and head to the senior home, knowing that as soon as these oldies get a look at me, the comments will flow endlessly.
“You look pooped!” Vikki exclaims, her eyes bugging out from behind her glasses. When my eyes water slightly, my poor, tired brain telling me not to cry, she sighs. “Oh dear. This is more serious than I thought. I’m going to get you some coffee and something to eat. You look far too thin.”
She turns around and shouts, “Norma! How do you use InstaGrub! Or is it DoorCart? Damn names,” she mutters. “Norma!”
I crack a smile at that, my eyes burning. Fuck, I just want to sob. I want to bawl until I can’t breathe, but I have too much to do. So I can’t. I need to hold it together for a little while longer.
Thirty minutes later, Vikki emerges with Martha and Norma in tow, setting a large cup of coffee and a breakfast burrito in front of me. It reminds me of Cash cooking me breakfast, and I inhale sharply.
“You guys,” I say as they pull up chairs, crowding around me. “You didn’t need to do this.”
“Yes, we did. Took us no time at all,” Martha says, and Norma snorts.
“Took us longer to find our phones than actually ordering it.”
“Had to find my magnifying glass,” Vikki says, and I snort a laugh.
Sipping the coffee, I nearly groan at how good it tastes, vanilla and hazelnut notes exploding on my tongue. How they know what I like only makes my eyes leak profusely.
“Oh bother. Why are you crying?” Martha pats me on the back as Vikki rubs at my leg. Norma is unwrapping the burrito and shoving it in my hand.
“He needs to eat. He’s crying because he’s hungry.”
It’s true. I am hungry, but fuck, I don’t feel like eating. I take a bite anyways, hiccupping after I swallow and then taking another sip of my drink. Someone walks up to the check-in desk, and Norma scowls at them when they try and ask me a question.
“Can’t you see we’re in the middle of something?” she hisses, and I manage a wobbly smile, swiping at my eyes.
“Norma, I have to check them in.”
“If I can figure out how to use a fancy phone, you can use that screen yourself, young man.”
The older man—who is not that young—blushes, looking thoroughly chastised and signs in quickly, walking away with his hands in his pockets.
“Jesus, people these days. They can’t read a room,” Norma grumbles.
“Norma,” I say, but she just stuffs the burrito in my hand again and watches eagle-eyed as I take another bite. “I can’t get fired.”
“If they fire you, I will burn this place to the ground,” Martha says with a huff, and I stare at her in shock.
“That’s illegal.”
“Not if we don’t get caught,” Vikki pipes up, and I let out a horrified laugh.
