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“I didn’t want to want you the way I did, and I hated that I couldn’t stay away from you. I was terrified because I’d fallen so damn hard for you.”
Not that I doubted him before, but I hadn’t realized just how much he’d avoided relationships—avoided anything even remotely close to what we’d been from the beginning—until then.
“You wanna go back to your apartment, then that’s what you’ll do,” Diggs said with an unsteady nod as his hand returned to its earlier position. Curled lovingly around my neck and tipping my head back so he could better look at me. “You wanna live together, show me the house, and I’ll buy it.”
My heart faltered before taking off, threatening to escape the confines of my chest.
“I’ll get new bikes,” he went on. “If those make you uncomfortable, I’ll get cars because I need you with me.” When a stuttered laugh left me, he dipped his head closer. “You wanna stay like we are, then we will. You want me to meet your parents? I’ll do it—gladly. You wanna get married? Tree, say the word, and I’ll get down on my fucking knees and beg you to be my wife.”
“You’re serious,” I breathed in realization.
“I can feel you pressed against me even after I’ve left you. The sound of your sighs and laughter play in my head and amplify the fact that you aren’t there. Your scent lingers on my skin, begging me to find you. Yes, I’m serious. I don’t wanna go through the rest of my life without you.”
A small part of my brain was shouting that it was crazy for him to say or suggest any of the things he had. It hadn’t even been two months of him sneaking into my apartment and waking me in the middle of the night...
But I’d fallen in love with him in that time. Wholly, unquestionably in love with him.
And if I hadn’t already known just how unpredictable and life short could be from Mike’s murder, this past week would’ve taught me that and more. Still...
“I can’t marry you,” I whispered and hurried to continue when rejection sliced across Diggs’ features. “You told me once that you wouldn’t tell me your last name because it was a lie.” I studied the way understanding slowly wove through his veiled pain. “I know your name is Evan, but I still don’t know the lie, and I don’t know the truth. I can’t marry you—I can’t do any of those things with you—when I don’t even know who you are.”
Diggs watched me for a while, head subtly nodding before he gently took my phone from where it was still clasped between my hands.
“It’s weird because, other than my family, you know me better than anyone ever has. So, there’s this part of me that just expects you to know, if that makes sense.” The muscle in his jaw twitched as he finished switching off a bunch of things on my phone. Once he had it powered down, he did the same to his.
I watched with rapt attention, feeling like my lungs were being crushed in an iron grip as the severity of what he was about to tell me slammed into me.
Because he was taking measures to ensure we wouldn’t be overheard...by our phones. Something he hadn’t thought twice of when telling me he was in the mafia. Something none of them ever cared to do when talking in detail about plans that were illegal in so many ways.
“How can your last name be worse than you being in the mafia?” I asked, eyes wide when I met his gaze again.
Amusement left him on a breath, but it was laced with something darker...something bitter. “Shouldn’t be,” he said as he set our phones aside and leaned forward so his arms rested on his legs. “But at one point, Mav and I were two of the most wanted people in the world.”
I wasn’t sure why his confession had a pit of dread opening in my stomach. Everything that came to mind as my thoughts raced didn’t make him out to be anything different than I already knew him to be.
Still, I held my breath as I waited for him to continue.
“Few weeks after we started seeing each other, you asked if I’d been in the military.” Diggs’ head bounced shakily as his shoulders jerked up. “Yes. The answer’s yes. Mav and I both went right out of high school. After our first tour, we were pulled for a black op, and everything just...” He mimicked a small explosion before letting his hands fall to hang between his legs.
“What happened?” I asked when he didn’t go on.
“We were sent to find and take out a known terrorist, but it ended up just being someone who looked like him. So, we called in the report, met up with our support guy there, and were headed to another town to meet with the rest of the team. We’d just cleared the outskirts of the city when a missile was dropped on it.”
“Oh my God,” I whispered, and he made an affirming grunting noise.
“Next thing we knew, a team was there, forcing us to leave. And suddenly, Mav and I were Stateside. Bags over our heads. Being transported to a black site. The assholes there tried convincing us we bombed the city. We killed thousands of innocent people. We killed our support guy, who’d still been alive when we left.”
“I think I remember that,” I breathed, struggling to grasp the vague memory of my parents talking throughout multiple dinners about the devastation that’d happened overseas, caused by rogue soldiers. “Twin Terrorists,” I said suddenly. “It was all over the news.”
“We heard,” he muttered.
“That was...” I floundered for a moment as I thought. “I was so young.”
“You are young,” he mumbled, the tease in his voice so much more subtle than normal. With a nod in my direction, he said, “But it was fourteen years ago.”
Swallowing thickly, he added, “Few weeks after we were dropped at the site, Dare, Einstein, and Johnny showed up in our cell out of nowhere. Told us just how deep the government was trying to cover what they’d done, blaming us all the way, and offered us a new life. Not that they did it for us at the time. They’d needed an assassin—specifically an equivalent to Kieran—and Maverick and I were that.”
“And you’ve been with them since,” I said in understanding.
