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So, for any of them to refuse the only thing I’d ever asked for? It hurt more than I would’ve expected it to.
“And what happens when Lachlan Keane decides he’s ready for her?” I asked gravely. “Because I’ll be in the thick of it, unable to protect her. Not only that, I won’t be able to focus because I’ll be so goddamn worried about where she is and if she’s okay.” I gestured irritably at him. “For fuck’s sake, your job is protecting women, and you still almost got yours killed.”
The warning look that flared in his eyes slowly dimmed when he said, “You knew what you were dragging her into when you introduced her to this world. Knowing you? You didn’t make that decision lightly, so you won’t be able to truly let her go if we move her. You’ll just keep bringing her back because you’ll keep finding her.”
My head shook even as the constant roar of her name in my veins shouted that she was mine. Mine to protect, mine to take care of, mine to keep...
Forcing it all back, I muttered, “Talk to Einstein. I want Willow relocated with a new identity within the hour,” before turning and storming down the hall and through the mansion.
Soul shredding and heart wrenching as I focused on nothing else but making it to the room I was sharing with Willow.
When I found it empty, I grabbed her bag and just stood there for a moment. Gripping the canvas material in my trembling hands as indecision tore at me and mixed with all the other bullshit from the day.
But I was doing the right thing. I had to be.
Allowing myself to want and have her was one thing—one incredibly dangerous thing. It opened her eyes to this world. It made her a target. But for her to already be marked? For her to be wanted by someone as ruthless as the oldest son of James Keane?
I couldn’t let her live in that fear.
More than that, I couldn’t let her end up in his hands.
Tossing the bag on the bed, I rushed through the bathroom and bedroom, grabbing everything of hers and packing as quickly as I could. Never stopping, even when Willow’s wounded voice floated over to me and tore at the remnants of my soul.
“Diggs...”
I’d known she was there. I’d heard her soft footfalls coming down the hall. But even if I hadn’t, the way her pain had amplified all that vanilla and lavender as soon as she noticed me would’ve let me know who’d entered the room.
And as much as my body begged me to look at her, to go to her, to do anything, I continued my frantic packing.
“I know what you’re doing, but you can’t do this,” she claimed when I began zipping her bag, a waver to her words that cut me open. “You can’t push me away because of what happened. You asked me to handle you, and I am. Even after today.”
“Today?” A laugh that was agony and ruin clawed from somewhere deep inside me, and then I was looking at her. My body moving involuntarily because I needed her.
But I needed her safe more.
Gritting my teeth, I said, “Today was a reminder of why I can’t handle you.”
Her head jerked back at the clearly unexpected twist on my words, but just as her lips parted, I continued.
“Today has been countless reminders of why my life was better before I met you.” The lie fell like the heaviest kind of sin, but it left her stunned. Breathless. Gaping. “That is why I’m ‘pushing you away.’”
Grabbing her bag from the bed, I started toward her. My body twitched with restless needs and demands, and reeled from the chaotic storm of pain and confusion and humiliation that burst from her once I’d forced myself past her.
I staggered back a step when I rounded the doorway and found Dare there, arms folded over his chest and disappointment dripping from him. But I only had a second to worry over the fact that he’d been able to walk up on me before he was muttering demands under his breath.
“We’re gearing up. Get downstairs and get your head straight.”
“She—”
“Downstairs,” he said over me, his dark eyes locking on me and conveying his frustration.
With a nod, I left.
Ignoring the way it felt like I was breaking. Ignoring the undeniable need to go back to the girl I’d just walked away from. Ignoring her shattered expression playing out in my mind like my own personal nightmare.
She would be safe, and I’d do my job.
It’s for the best.
