AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I still couldn’t believe they were gone. I didn’t think I’d ever be able to comprehend it fully. It didn’t feel real.
None of this felt real. It was like I was trapped in a terrible, never-ending lucid dream. Or a game. A game where someone else was controlling me, making me do awful things I never thought I would, giving me tiny moments of happiness just to rip them away out of sick amusement.
Everything was disjointed as I walked beside Nua and Gillie in silence. The sky was too bright, hurting my eyes. My head throbbed. The thing living inside me felt like a whole other person stuffed inside my body, frantically trying to claw their way out.
“So,” Gillie said as we reached the kingswood, trying to make his tone as cheerful as possible. “How about a bit of foraging, lad? Wrong time of year for mushrooms—not enough rain—but still plenty of things for us to find.”
“Okay,” I said quietly.
“Warm today.” Nua’s gentle hand appeared on my shoulder as he held out a glass bottle. “Maybe some water, Ash?”
“Okay,” I repeated, taking it automatically, but not uncorking it to have a sip. After a few seconds, Nua did it for me, then squeezed my shoulder until I lifted the bottle and gulped down a mouthful.
He took the bottle back. From the corner of my eye, I saw him and Gillie exchange a look as we walked in silence.
“Ash, have you…” Nua sounded nervous, which made my eyes water. I’d made my own brother nervous to speak to me because I’d let myself start turning into a monster, and I didn’t know how to stop it.
“How are you feeling today?” he asked instead. I didn’t want to wonder what he’d almost been about to ask me, but I already knew. Have you heard from Lonan?
If I heard his name, I’d start crying and wouldn’t be able to stop.
“I wanted to tell you something.” I stopped abruptly and scrubbed my watering eyes, taking a shaky breath. Nua and Gillie stopped too and watched me in silence.
“I w-wanted to tell you how much I love you both. How grateful I am for everything. I n-never got to tell my parents, and I d-didn’t get to tell Lonan.” My breath hitched. “I just wanted to tell you.”
“Ash, we know.” Nua stepped forward and grasped my shoulders, brow creased with worry. “We love you too. And your parents knew. Lonan knows.”
I took a step back and sniffed wetly, wiping my nose with my sleeve. My throat ached painfully as I looked at them both. My brother’s gentle face was drawn tight with worry. Gillie’s dark brows were furrowed with concern as he watched me.
“I think you should go back to your sidhe.” My mouth trembled at the thought of them being gone. “And stay there. B-before I… before I do something terrible to you. Like I did with Lonan. Like she always did.”
“Ash, no.” Nua’s green eyes filled with devastation. “Gods, we’re not going to leave you.”
“I don’t want to hurt either of you.” My face crumpled with a sob. “And I d-don’t think I can fight what’s happening to me anymore. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
I’d been fighting a losing battle this whole time, from the moment the Carlin stole me and kept me on her land. I’d been fighting so hard, for so long, and now I knew there was no point. The harder I fought, the worse it all got.
I was so tired. I was done fighting. I didn’t have anything left.
As if it could sense me giving up, the insidious power inside me began to teem harder, faster, clamouring to take over. It felt like I was running out of time.
“Ash, you’re not going to hurt us.” Nua looked more worried. “Please just let us help you.”
I shook my head and dully said, “You can’t. I found the Brid’s journal. I found out what’s happening to me.”
“What do you mean, lad?” Gillie asked sharply. “What journal?”
My hands shook wildly as I reached into my satchel and pulled it out. “From just before she became queen. She killed her mother, just like I did. She used Gadleg’s venom. Just like I did.”
“That doesn’t mean you’re like her, Ash,” Nua said with a frown.
I shook my head again, feeling exhausted. “She said she could feel the power trying to make her like the former queen. That’s what it does. It’s shaped by the monarch, so when it goes into a new one, it… it starts to turn them into the one before it.” I shuddered, clutching the journal too tight. “I can feel her. I can feel it trying to make me just like her, and I don’t think I can stop it.”
“Let us see the journal, lad,” Gillie said quietly, holding out his hand for it.
I handed it over and looked away, unable to look at them when they were about to discover what was wrong with me. What I was going to turn into. “The last entry is… is when she became queen. What she did.”
Gillie slid his arm around Nua and looked over his shoulder as my brother flipped hurriedly to the end of the journal. They read it in silence as I stood there shaking, unable to move.
