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Lonan’s dark hair gleamed with iridescent pinks and greys, and I couldn’t resist giving him one last firm kiss. The urge to apologise for leaving him behind burned in my throat, but I swallowed the words back down. I didn’t think it would be a good idea to show that kind of weakness. To act uncertain in my decision.
I didn’t have that luxury anymore, now that I was king. I had to be sure and firm on everything I said. Everything I did. The thought felt like a millstone around my neck already. The pressure to succeed. To keep Lonan and Nua and Gillie safe. To do right by all the Folk I was in charge of now. To be better than the Brid.
Dew glistened on the living steps as Nua and I made our way down them, leaving Lonan and Gillie at the huge front doors of the palace. I glanced back once, my gaze catching Lonan’s as he watched me, his face as sombre and unreadable as ever.
He lifted his hand in a slight wave, and I returned it with a wobbly smile, my throat aching. I knew I was being silly and childish, but the thought of even a single night away from him when I’d only just got him back was painful. Especially as the last few days had been… tenser than normal.
“Gillie will keep him company, Ash.” Nua’s soft voice and gentle hand on my shoulder had me looking away, facing forward as we reached the bottom step and he directed us north. “And we shouldn’t be gone long.”
I nodded, keeping my head down and watching my boots trample the tiny flowers that blanketed the grass on seelie land. Their scent drifted up, sweet like vanilla, allowing my shoulders to unclench just a little.
“How did he… Was he alright with not coming with you?” Nua asked hesitantly, tucking a strand of long, silky hair back under his hood.
I licked my lips and croaked, “Not really.”
Nua sighed, glancing over at me with a kind smile. “I remember what it was like to be young and so in love. Not that Gillie and I were as young as you two when we met.”
Not wanting to sour this time I had with my brother, I forced my mouth to tip up into a smile. “How did you meet? You’ve never told me.”
He chuckled, big green eyes growing soft with memories. “I was always good at slipping away from the guards when I came for walks in the forest. I had a few spots that I frequented to be alone. To relax. And one day, when I was bathing in a secluded lake, a drunken lout stumbled upon me and immediately began to flirt.”
I huffed in amusement, dryly noting, “Sounds like Gillie already.”
“Mm.” Nua’s lips pursed, trying to fend off a secret smile. “I was wary at first. Being a prince is… lonely, and I was sure he was just chasing me for sport. To bed royalty for the fun of it.”
“I can’t imagine Gillie has ever cared about anything like that.”
“No, he hasn’t, but I didn’t know that at the time. He kept returning, whenever I went to that lake. And I… kept going back there too, hoping to see him.” Nua’s cheeks darkened with a flush.
I smiled wryly, nudging him with my elbow. “You were smitten.”
He chuckled, admitting, “Yes, I was. And so was he. We couldn’t stay away from each other. He didn’t care that I was a prince. He just wanted me.” Nua’s voice softened as he added, “I had never had that before.”
“So you started seeing each other in secret? I remember you saying before that you kept it from the Brid.”
“Yes, she wouldn’t have approved. She was very controlling, and I didn’t want to put him in any danger. If she had wanted something else for me, she would have simply had him killed to eliminate the problem.”
I cringed, not doubting him in the slightest. Lives had meant nothing to the Brid, outside of being playthings for her and her King of Boars.
“She did want something else for me,” Nua said grimly. “She wanted me to marry and have children with a noble fae. To continue her bloodline.”
I glanced over at him. “Are you bi too then? Or did she not care about that?”
Nua’s head cocked. “Bi?”
“Not just attracted to men.”
“Oh. No, I’m only attracted to males. She wanted me to bear the young.”
A tiny frisson of surprise ran through me. “You’re trans?” Knowing he probably wouldn’t know that word either, I clarified, “You were assigned female at birth?”
Nua nodded. “Yes. I drink a tincture that stops my bleeds, among other things, but if I didn’t drink it for a while I would become fertile again. That was her plan.”
Anger coursed through me at how much our birth mother had tried to control Nua’s life. His decisions. “She would have forced you to? Do you even want children?”
“Never with one of the suitors she had in mind. I didn’t want to marry any of them. But…” He gave me a shy smile. “Maybe one day. With Gillie. We’ve talked about it before.”
I grinned over at him, imagining being an uncle. “You’d be amazing parents.” I paused. “But you’d probably have to be the strict one.”
