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I came to a stop by the forest edge, thumping down onto the grass and bringing the bottle to my lips. I could sense Sanya hovering behind me as I gulped down wine, staring into the forest as if I’d somehow be able to see unseelie land all the way on its other side.
Eventually, she crouched down beside me. “You miss it?”
I grunted in answer, draining the bottle and letting it slip from my loose fingers to roll away across the grass. Sanya picked it up and set it neatly down, shifting to sit on her backside with one arm draped over a raised knee.
“I know I’d miss seelie, if I had to leave it,” she said quietly, seeming determined to continue this conversation despite my refusal to participate. “I can’t imagine living in a place that feels so… instinctively wrong.”
It does, I wanted to say, my throat closing up. It feels wrong. I feel wrong here. I don’t know how much longer I can stand it.
I stayed silent, staring into the forest. Eyes peered back—tiny yellow ones, big bulbous white ones—creatures and solitary Folk free to do whatever they wanted, live the way they wanted to live, away from court politics and bloodthirsty monarchs.
My heavy eyelids slipped shut, and I pictured myself soaring over the canopy as a bird. Or bounding between the trees as a wolf or stag or fox. The only times in my life I had ever felt truly free had been when I wasn’t even myself.
The thought was utterly depressing.
“Prince Lonan…”
My eyes popped open at the sound of Sanya’s voice, shoulders hiking up with tension. I’d forgotten she was there.
“I know it won’t mean much coming from a seelie, but… if you need to talk—”
“I don’t.” I barely managed to get the words out, my throat burning. I shot her a sharp glare. “Why are you offering? What’s your game?”
She sighed, shaking her head. “No game. No tricks. Not everyone is always trying to trick you, Prince Lonan.”
“You’re still seelie.” I pulled my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around them, keeping my eyes fixed on the forest even as the trees wavered and blurred. “You should hate me.”
“Well, I don’t,” she said bluntly. “Like I told you earlier, I remember when the rumours started about the Carlin’s youngest son being sent out to slaughter Folk. You were just a child. It was cruel.”
My mouth twisted, nostrils flaring as I tried to contain my emotions. Anger at her for even bringing it up. Bitterness at what I had been twisted into. Grief over how little my mother cared outside of what I could do for her. How I could benefit her.
“I was good at it,” I rasped.
“Yes, and I dread to wonder how a mere boy became so good at murder.”
“You don’t need to wonder, because it’s none of your fucking business,” I snarled, shooting her a glare.
I looked away again quickly when I saw the pity in her eyes. Pity. Was that what everyone felt towards me? Pity?
“Fuck off,” I snapped, shoulders hunching over. “Leave me alone. Go back to the palace.”
“I’m happy to stay here,” Sanya said calmly.
“You think because I let you practise sword fighting with me for one afternoon that we are suddenly friends? Stop bothering me. Just leave me alone.”
She sighed, picking up the bottle as she rose to her feet. “You’ll be alright finding your way back?”
“Of course I will,” I snapped, the anger chasing away some of the wine’s effects.
“Alright.” She hesitated, hovering just behind me. “Good night, Prince Lonan.”
I didn’t answer, ignoring her as I rested my chin on my knees and stared into the forest. I listened to her retreating footsteps until silence descended, broken only by the gentle rustling of the trees. An animal screamed in the forest, something skittering through the leaves.
The heat of seelie seemed to press against my back, making me hunch my spine and clutch my legs harder. The air smelled all wrong here. Too sweet, like rot, and warm like steam, even at night when it was cooler.
“How sad.”
I went still as that familiar, oily voice rasped out from between the trees in front of me. A second later, Balor’s wide, grinning mouth appeared in the darkness, his gleaming cobalt eyes reflecting the moonlight that managed to pierce the canopy above him.
