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She grunted, quirking a brow. “I doubt the king has much time for you at the moment. He certainly doesn’t seem to.”
I bristled in defensive anger. “He has only just become king.”
“I know,” she said steadily, “and I can only imagine how taxing it is. How time-consuming. But I’m not talking about the king. I’m talking about you.”
I struggled to answer, not knowing what I could say that wouldn’t make me feel so exposed. “I’m used to being alone.”
“You shouldn’t be,” she said bluntly. “Especially not now. Not here.”
I bared my teeth at her. “What do you even know about it?”
“I don’t, I suppose.” Her shoulders lifted in a brief shrug. “I have a big family. I love them very much. I don’t know what it’s like to… have no one.”
“I don’t have no one,” I snapped. “I have Ash.”
Sanya pursed her lips. “Yes, well, you also have me now, if you want. I’d like to be your friend, Prince Lonan. Or at least… keep you company sometimes. If you find yourself at a loose end.”
I didn’t understand. What would she gain from being my friend? What was in it for her?
“I…” I stepped back, fingers twitching by my sides. “I don’t need a friend.” The words scraped my throat.
“Maybe not, but it might still be nice to have one.” She smiled at me.
I took another step back, trying not to let how flustered I felt show on my face. “I’m… I don’t think I’m going to train today.”
“Alright,” she said easily. “A walk then?”
“No, I… I think I’ll go to the library.”
I hadn’t ever been before, but it sounded like a good escape. Hopefully it would be cool and dark and quiet—all the things I needed. And Sanya wouldn’t be able to pester me with irritating questions that made me feel too exposed.
“I’ll walk you there,” she said, making my shoulders hunch up.
I didn’t say a word as we headed back inside. The library was one floor up, so she left me at the bottom of the big winding staircase in the front hall with a goodbye and softly murmured guidance on which door led to the right room. I hurried up the steps, eager to get away from the disconcerted feeling she instilled in me.
Chapter Twelve
Ash
The moment we made it back to the palace, just as the sun was setting, I went hunting for Lonan.
We’d travelled quicker on our way back, determination to see him forcing me forwards, not letting me stop for breaks until Nua had made me pause and sip some water or eat something.
I was holding myself together by a single thread, my throat aching the entire journey back, tears constantly threatening to spill over. I loved Nua, and I appreciated him going with me, but all I wanted now was to curl up in bed with Lonan, to let myself be vulnerable, to remember that even after everything I’d lost, I’d gained things too. Him. My brother and Gillie. A new purpose now that my old life had been ruthlessly unravelled by the Carlin.
Lonan wasn’t in the training ring, which was the first place I looked. Nor was he in our bedroom or private dining room. I was growing frustrated as I strode back into the front hall, the urge to see him like an unrelenting itch under my skin. I needed to see him. I needed him.
“Jora,” I barked when I spotted her crossing the hall with a bundle of sheets in her arms, no doubt on her way to freshen up our room. “Where’s Lonan?”
She stopped dead, eyes darting. “I’m—I haven’t seen him since this morning, my king.”
Panic stabbed at my chest. Where could he have gone? He wouldn’t have… left, would he? Left seelie? Left me?
A throat cleared behind me, and I whirled around to see one of the guards stationed at the doors to our private wing stepping forward.
“He’s in the library, my king,” she said.
Barely remembering to give her a nod in thanks, I hurried towards the staircase and took the steps two at a time. Server Folk leapt out of my way as I strode down the landing to the double doors to the library, shoving them open.
