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I scowled at Morrin, anger making my hands clench around the armrests of my throne. “This isn’t the Higher Spirits, this is me. It’s not like they decide every fucking detail of my life.” I faltered, glancing at Nua. “Do they?”
Maybe they did. Maybe I had absolutely no control over any of it. Maybe they could have stopped the Carlin stealing me from the mortal world and had chosen not to. Maybe they’d orchestrated it so I would make that vow to Lonan and forget him, so I would be driven to kill the Brid instead of being distracted by him.
Maybe Gadleg had made that deal with me because she could control the outcome anyway. Maybe she was going to somehow force me to be a terrible person so that she’d get to take my life.
Red-hot anger flared, and I shot out of my throne. “This is bullshit. So now I’m being blamed for something I have no control over?”
“No one is blaming you for anything, Ash,” Nua said calmly.
I pointed an accusing finger at Morrin. “You’re making it sound like I’m trying to… I don’t even know. Take over unseelie like the Carlin tried to do with us? Why the fuck would I want to do that? I have enough to deal with already.”
“I wasn’t trying to make it sound like anything.” Morrin’s voice was still infuriatingly mild. “My job is to tell you what is happening in the forest. Nothing more.”
“Why does it even matter if it’s getting a bit warmer?” I exploded. “It’s not like a slightly warmer summer will affect the fucking balance of nature. Places in the mortal world have heatwaves all the time.”
Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best argument, given the state of the mortal world.
“It matters because we can already see how it is affecting the forest,” Morrin said. “Leaves are starting to wilt. New growths are struggling to draw the moisture they need from the soil. Plants are dying off quicker.”
I sat back down heavily, starting to feel sick. “I don’t… How do I stop it?”
“The balance needs to be restored.” Nua gave me a meaningful look. “Unseelie needs a new ruler. A stronger ruler.”
My stomach squeezed tight with terror. I licked my dry lips and lowered my eyes, refusing to meet my brother’s gaze. “Well, it’s not like I—”
The words got stuck in my throat, sending fresh panic through me. I couldn’t even say that I had no control over that, because I did.
Because I could go to Lonan right now and tell him it was time, tell him that we needed to kill the Carlin. Not just for him, or for me, but for everything.
What would Lonan say if I told him that my power was infecting the forest, that it was creeping towards unseelie, towards his land? Would he immediately run to kill the Carlin so he could become king? Would he be angry with me?
Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I looked at Morrin. “You said it’s still cool the deeper you go in the forest?”
“Yes.” He paused. “But it is getting warmer every day, Luad.”
“But we still have time,” I rushed out. “It’s not like… like a few warmer weeks are going to kill off everything. And nature adapts, doesn’t it? Plants adapt. Animals adapt.”
“To an extent,” Morrin said slowly. “But I’m not sure I understand what you mean by having time, Luad. Unless the Carlin dies in the next few months, we are all powerless. All Folk. We will just have to see what the Higher Spirits have in store for all of us.”
“Maybe the Higher Spirits will get rid of the Carlin,” I said too eagerly, “if they see what’s happening. That’s what they do, right? Look after nature?”
And that would mean Lonan would never have to risk his life by trying to kill her. He would just… become king one day while he was here. Just like that. And then he would be too strong for anyone to kill him. He would be safe.
“It is in their hands now, Luad,” Morrin told me solemnly.
But it wasn’t, not necessarily. It was in our hands. It was in Lonan’s hands. He had the power to kill her now if he wanted to. But the thought of it sent terror spiralling through me. No, we weren’t ready. He wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready for it yet.
I didn’t say any of that to Morrin, and I refused to look at Nua as I stood. “I appreciate the information, Morrin.”
“You’re welcome, Luad.” The spy bowed shallowly at me, then Nua, before turning on his heel to slink out of the room. The moment he was gone, I headed for the door to the private part of the palace.
“Ash…” Nua began.
“Hopefully you’ll catch Gillie before he eats your dinner.” I opened the door, desperate to get away before Nua tried to talk to me about anything. Why did I tell him Lonan’s going to become unseelie king? “Goodnight!”
I strode quickly down the corridor, nodding at the few staff I passed, who all stopped and bowed even though I’d told them they didn’t have to do that. But it was getting easier to just ignore it, rather than it making me feel wildly uncomfortable.
The guards stationed outside our private rooms opened the doors for me with a quiet, “Good evening, Luad.”
