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When I got back to our room, I immediately closed all the curtains to keep the last of the afternoon sun out. But the room was already like a furnace, and all that did was trap the heat inside.
I hesitated, wondering what to do, wondering if perhaps Ash wouldn’t be kept away for long this time. Maybe he’d make it in time for dinner.
Was it foolish to hope?
By the time I’d put away Ash’s old bow and the quiver of arrows, I was dripping with sweat. I ripped off my shirt, but I was still too hot. The curtains blocked out the last of the sun, but they also prevented any kind of breeze getting into the room.
It was like an oven. I paced the bedroom, trying not to panic as the heat seemed to smother me, making it hard to breathe. This was unbearable. How was everyone else walking around like they were perfectly fine? How were the guards not dying in their armour? It was too hot. It was always too fucking hot, and there was no way of escaping it.
I stormed into the bathroom and turned the cold tap over the bath on full blast. My skin prickled with the heat, and I couldn’t wait. After hastily stripping, I climbed in and sighed with relief when cold water began to rise around me. Lying back, I closed my eyes as it soaked my hair and lapped around my temples. I didn’t move until the water almost covered my face, then I sat up with a gasp, wiping at my eyes.
After turning off the tap, I lay back and stared up at the ceiling blankly. My mind wandered to the lakes on unseelie. The way they glittered with ice in the winter sun. I almost laughed when I thought about lighting the fire in my bedroom during the Bitter Months. Sitting close to the fireplace in Ash’s cottage while we ate and talked. Telling Ash that my bedroom at the unseelie palace had been cold. I would have given anything for cold in this moment.
I felt marginally better by the time I got out of the bath, but the thought of waiting alone in the hot bedroom for Ash to get back was unbearable. I redressed and grabbed a quiver along with Ash’s old bow before leaving the room. As I walked down the corridor, I ran my thumb over the weathered wood and thought back to earlier, when Ash had almost started crying suddenly, and for seemingly very little reason. My throat tightened as I walked in silence.
He was… different, but not, at the same time. He was still himself, but sometimes when he looked at me over the dinner table or when we got into bed, it was like he wasn’t really there behind his eyes. Sometimes, I could tell that he was simply distracted, thinking about something else. But other times, it was like there was a… disconnection.
But he kept telling me everything was fine. He seemed stressed, but it would probably be strange if he wasn’t. He had just become a king, a role he’d been entirely unprepared to fill. And he was working so hard to do his best—he was actually trying to make a difference—that sulking about missed dinners or lonely nights felt petty. Childish. Which was why I said nothing.
I was used to saying nothing.
It didn’t take me long to find Sanya. She was strolling out of the kitchen tearing into a chunk of crumbling cheese sandwiched between thick slices of soft white bread. My mouth started to curve up before I schooled my expression, giving her a cool nod as she noticed me.
“Thought I’d practise some archery,” I told her awkwardly, unused to telling anyone unnecessary details about myself.
But her face lit up. “Oh yes?”
“Yes.” I hesitated, not sure what to do now, then stepped back. “Well, I—”
“I’m done for the day, so let me go and get us some ale,” she told me eagerly. “Then I’ll meet you in the training ring.”
My mouth twitched, nose wrinkling slightly. “No ale. Something sweeter.”
“Ah, yes.” She chuckled, then stuffed the last of the bread into her mouth and told me in a muffled voice, “See you out there in a minute.”
“Alright.”
I felt strangely lighter as I made my way to the training ring. When I stepped outside into the dry, dusty air, I sighed in relief. The sun was sinking in the sky, but it was behind us here, so the bulk of the palace shielded us from its direct rays. It was still unbearably hot, of course, but at least I had that respite.
When Sanya appeared a couple of minutes later, she approached with a cup of sparkling wine. I took it with an appreciative nod and had a sip as Sanya raised her tankard and gulped down the dark, earthy ale that the seelie Folk preferred.
My mouth twitched into an almost-smile as I watched her over the rim of my cup, and she grinned back as she sighed in satisfaction, then wiped her mouth clean.
“Want a target?” She nodded at the cluster of crudely made archery targets to the side of the training ring. Ash had had them made weeks ago, back when he’d thought he would have the time to teach me.
As we made our way over, Sanya removed her helmet to wipe her brow. Dark curls had escaped her tight plaits and were sticking to her forehead. She left her helmet on a bench and gave me a wink as we picked up the target, because she wasn’t supposed to remove any part of her uniform.
I looked away quickly. I always felt uncomfortable when she was friendly like that. But at the same time, some weak little part of me craved the moments of camaraderie.
“How sad.” My brother’s sly, cold voice drifted into my mind. “The seelie pigs all pity you.”
I tried to shake it off. I had never been so vehement in my dislike of the seelie just because they were seelie, anyway, but that same weak little part of me desperately hoped Sanya hadn’t befriended me out of pity. That I had just one thing here, in my new life, outside of my relationship with Ash, that was mine.
“Tell me something,” Sanya began cheerfully, but the words just reminded me of that unsettling conversation on the edge of seelie land with my brother a few weeks ago. “Why the sudden interest in archery? Just wanting to branch out into a new form of weaponry?”
A humourless snort left me at her choice of words. Sanya cocked her head with a puzzled smile as we set the target down in the centre of the dusty training ring.
“What?” she asked curiously with a grin.
