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“Don’t even think about canceling it. You’ve been looking forward to it for months.”
I swallow hard over an ache in my throat, my chest. “Yeah.”
“You can find someone else to go with you.”
“Yeah.” I meet his eyes. They look gray in the late sunlight. “I can go with someone else. I’ll still have a great time.”
“It might be too soon for you to hear it, but I bet you’ll have a much better time without him.”
THE NEXT DAY, I’M STILL pretty down about the situation, but I’ve talked myself into being mature and reasonable and self-sufficient.
At least acting that way.
I’ve always believed that the first step to feeling better is acting better, so I put on a smile and chat with my friends about what a crappy boyfriend Brian always was and my search for a new travel companion.
They’re all sympathetic and supportive but naturally already have plans for the ten days before Christmas or else can’t get out of work that long. After Rafe and Jules head home, Joey Pendleton helps me brainstorm for other possible people to ask to join me, coming up with a decent-length list of people whose company I’d probably enjoy. We go through the list one by one, texting casual questions to find out their holiday status.
Everyone is busy. When she mentions an ex-boyfriend I still get along well with, I’m considering the possibility until Chase flops down in an empty chair at the table, evidently on his break. He must have been listening to our conversation because the first thing he says is to ask dryly if I’m okay with sharing a bedroom with an ex—since I’ve only booked one room at the hotels and bed-and-breakfasts.
No, I’m not. I admit it and immediately cross my ex off the list I’ve been making.
Dan comes strolling in. On hearing the topic of conversation, he says he’s supposed to work those days but he’d be happy to take some time off if I want to trade the road trip for a marriage of convenience.
Joey and I giggle since he’s clearly teasing. Chase doesn’t think it’s funny. He’s scowling as he gets up and strides to the bathroom.
I wonder if he’s in a bad mood today. He’s never in a bad mood.
The possibility distracts me from my situation for a while, but we eventually run out of new possibilities to add to the list.
It’s almost nine, and the place is clearing out just before closing when I finally groan and close my notepad. “It’s no big deal. I’ll go by myself. I don’t mind traveling on my own, and I might even have more fun with it.”
“That’s a great attitude,” Joey says, her big blue eyes slightly worried but not disturbingly so. “I bet you will have a great time. And maybe someone’s schedule will clear or something.” She glances over to where Chase is mopping the floor in the far corner and asks in a hushed tone, “You’ve asked him, haven’t you?”
“Of course.” I sigh as I gaze at Chase’s lean back and mussed hair. “I thought of him first since he doesn’t have a girlfriend. He said he has to work.”
“Surely he can take some time off. Does he ever take a vacation day?”
I shrug. I’ve actually never known him to take a day off, except a couple of years ago when he was sick in bed with a hellish case of the flu. He’s here at least eight hours a day, seven days a week. He must do a ridiculous amount of overtime.
“Oh well. We’ll keep thinking, and maybe someone’s plans will change.”
“Yeah. Maybe so. It’s no big deal either way.”
I sigh, trying to make my emotions match my demeanor.
I’ve always been one of those people who puts on a strong front, who doesn’t let other people see her cry, who holds on to a pose of self-reliance.
I really do think I’m composed and independent for the most part, but I have plenty of moments of vulnerability. And all my life—from the time I was a very little child—I’ve always tried to mask them.
I don’t even know why. It’s just who I am.
I was in school with Joey through our entire childhood, and she knows me as well as almost anyone. She squeezes my arm with a little smile. “I know how hard it is, but you’re doing great. You’re going to be so much happier on the other side of this. You just have to get through it.”
“Thanks.” Her understanding makes me unexpectedly emotional. I swallow over a lump. “I appreciate it, and I think you’re right. I’m going to be fine.”
I don’t feel fine, but that doesn’t mean I won’t be. It’s a breakup. People live through them all the time. I’m not going to fall apart.
When a handsome man walks by the glass storefront and waves through the window, Joey perks up and waves back before gathering her stuff. She and Carlton recently got engaged.
