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But still...
I scowl down at my phone just as a text message comes in. I straighten up as I see it’s from Brian.
Hey something came up. Can’t go on the trip. Feels like we’re in different places and moving too fast so thinking it’s best we take some time off. I’ll touch base after New Year and maybe we can get together then.
It takes me a full three minutes to process the words and understand them. When I do, a shaking begins somewhere deep inside me and shudders out to my fingers, knees, and teeth.
I’ve been dumped. After eight months. Over text. Not even through a phone call.
I can’t move. Can’t do anything but tremble and stare down at my phone. I have no idea how long I sit there, but eventually the chair next to me pulls out and someone sits down.
It takes a ridiculously long time for me to recognize that person as Chase.
“Can I see?” he asks quietly, reaching out toward my phone.
I nod mutely and let him take the phone from me. He silently reads the text message that’s still pulled up on the screen.
At least Chase will be able to verify whether this nightmare is actually real.
After he’s read the message, he sets my phone down on the table with intentional care. He’s looking at me. I can feel his scrutiny, but I can’t lift my eyes. I can’t do anything.
“Are you okay?” he asks at last. His tone isn’t all that different from normal except it’s quieter.
I give my head a little shake. Then realize what I just expressed.
That I’m incapable of handling a standard breakup.
Of course I’m capable. I’m disappointed. Hurt. But not broken.
I clear my throat and straighten up. “I’m okay,” I manage to say. “Just... surprised.”
“Doing it over text is a shitty thing to do.”
“Yeah.” I hear myself give a little laugh. It doesn’t sound like me. “It’s definitely shitty.”
He doesn’t say anything. He’s breathing heavily. I can hear him. But his expression doesn’t reflect any more than normal.
“It’s happened before,” I say, a painful rasp in my throat.
“What has?”
“Guys break up with me because I move too fast. Make it too serious. I can’t... I can’t be casual. I always jump in all the way. I’m always... too much.”
“You aren’t too much.”
“Guys think I am.”
“Not all guys.”
There’s an odd edge to his tone, so I glance up to check his face.
It reveals nothing. “Don’t you dare blame yourself,” he says. “This is all on him.”
“Yeah. I know.” I give my head a hard shake. “I’m really okay. I don’t think I was in love with him.”
“I don’t think so either, but it’s still got to hurt.”
I bite off the instinct to argue with him agreeing with me about my being in love with Brian. “I’m mostly upset about my trip.”
