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“It’s one of your favorite topics, that’s all.”
“Because it’s so important.”
“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”
“No, but you said, ‘here we go,’ as if I was about to launch into some rant that you’re sick of hearing.”
“Did I say I’m sick of hearing about it?”
“Your tone of voice said it loud and clear.”
He shot her a sidelong grin. “Maybe I just like seeing you get riled up, and wanted to make sure it happened.”
She stared at him indignantly. “You’re deliberately trying to wind me up?”
“It’s better than worrying, isn’t it?”
So that was his master plan? She had to admit, it had kind of worked. For a moment, her anxiety had faded to a dull roar. “I also worry about climate change, you know. Maybe we should switch to a less stressful topic.”
“I’m game.”
“Ooh, two points to you.”
He squinted at her. “I don’t think ‘I’m game’ is a baseball phrase, but I never turn down points.”
“I guess those points will get an asterisk.”
His grin widened. “Now that is a baseball reference. Some stats get asterisks because of—”
“I know. You don’t have to mansplain baseball stats to me. Have you forgotten how freaking encyclopedic my baseball knowledge used to be? I studied that stuff as if I was going for a degree.” She covered her face with one hand. “It’s embarrassing, now that I think about it.”
“I thought it was sexy as hell.”
She peeked through her fingers. “I’m sure you did. But that wasn’t the point.”
“Really? I always thought you did all that research to impress me. And it worked, by the way. I’d always thought you were hot, but you hit another level after you reeled off the home run leaders of the previous five years.”
She ticked off the names on her fingers. “Cabrera, Pena and Teixeira, Bautista, Bautista, Cabrera.”
“You know what, it’s still sexy as fuck.”
They both laughed. Warmth sparked deep in her core, but she mentally poured cold water on it. They weren’t doing that again. They’d decided.
“So why did you do all that work if it wasn’t to bring me to my knees?” he asked.
She tilted her head at him. “You know, that’s a very good question and it’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot. It was actually a giant red flag right at the start of our relationship.”
“Really?” He took his eyes off the road for a micro-second to frown at her. “How do you mean?”
“I immersed myself in baseball because I wanted to be part of your world. It was…too much.”
He frowned as the truck hit another ice rut and slid along the frozen ridge. “Too much how?”
She wondered if he could possibly understand. Even for her, it had been hard. It had taken getting divorced for her to see it.
“I was so wrapped up in you and your baseball career and everything having to do with you, I had no idea about myself at all. I didn’t think it mattered. I didn’t think I mattered. It’s, um, well, it’s one of the symptoms of growing up as the child of a neglectful parent.” It was always so much easier to shift into generalities like that. “You can read about it. I have a book. It talks about anxiety too. It really opened my eyes to some of my issues. Once you see, then you can work on it.”
“Are you saying you didn’t feel like your own person?” He shot her a horrified look. “Did I make you feel that way?”
