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When she’d stopped trembling, he asked, “How long?”
“As long as it takes. This didn’t start happening until we…whatever you want to call it.”
He knew what he wanted to call it. But that seemed more out of reach than ever.
“And us?” He was afraid to hear her answer, but needed to know.
“I don’t know. I really don’t, Billy. Nothing, for now. The kids are more important. And I…I don’t even know what this is, with us.”
Say what you want it to be. Say you love her. Say it. Say you want a do-over.
But wouldn’t that make everything more complicated for her? He couldn’t do that to her, not when she was trying so hard to do what was best for their children.
Respect her choice. Back off.
“I got you, babe. Like I said. Whatever you need.”
“Really?”
“Really. Whatever, whenever.” He pulled her back into his arms and gently got her all set for sleep, covers tucked around them. “But I think we can get away with one more night of snuggling. We’re safe in here. We’ve got blinds, we’ve got curtains, and as soon as I turn this light out, it’ll be pitch dark.”
“That sounds nice.” He could tell from her murmur that she was already drifting off.
He stroked her hair, which still danced with static electricity. That was life with Jenna, always tidying her hair. A deep ache of tenderness pulsed in his chest.
A moment later she was asleep. He turned the light off and darkness settled around them. He was still wide awake, thinking through everything she’d just said…and hadn’t said. She hadn’t said she didn’t love him, or that she didn’t want to be with him. She wasn’t angry about the photos. All she’d said was that she was worried about the boys and wanted to do what was best for them.
So did he. But he also wanted her to be happy and stress-free. If that meant keeping his love to himself, then he’d do that. For her.
Twenty-Six
Jenna woke up feeling as empty as her bed with no Billy. He’d left some time in the night, after holding her until she fell asleep. After she’d essentially told him he had to stay away, he hadn’t gotten angry, he hadn’t argued. He wanted the best for the kids, just like she did.
And she loved him for that, more than ever. Her heart ached with it, overflowed with it. And he didn’t even know because she’d never told him that she still felt that way.
Or maybe she felt that way again. Because it was different this time. Not as fiery, but so much deeper.
She rolled over and checked her phone, wincing when she saw the time. It was almost ten in the morning. Her publisher had told her she didn’t need to send any more drawings in until after the holidays, so sleeping in wasn’t the worst thing in the world. But what about the boys?
Billy was probably on top of it. Maybe he was making them his special peanut butter pancakes before he left for his lonely guesthouse across the lake. Her mouth watered at the thought. Sometimes the boys asked her to make them, but she always told them Billy was the only one who could do it right.
She quickly got dressed and went in search of the rest of her family. The house was empty, but Billy had left a note.
Jenna - Tyler invited the boys to build a snow fort at Sans Souci. I’ll drop them off and then go to my place. If you need me to pick them up, let me know. Also, a message from Soraya—Annika and Brent are coming back today in the helicopter.
P.s. Zack, do not put this note in your pocket!
He’d signed off with his flourishing autograph, which probably made the note worth something on eBay. She gave it a little caress—Billy had touched it—and tucked it into her own pocket. God, she was ridiculous.
She made herself coffee and listened to the quiet echoes inside her house. No Annika, no boys, no Billy. She could hardly stand it.
At least she was safe from prying eyes with cameras. Billy had left the curtains closed. So thoughtful. She knew he felt terrible about what was happening, and guilty too. Even though it wasn’t his fault, it wouldn’t be happening if he wasn’t a highly attractive baseball player.
But that was Billy. Billy was Billy, along with everything that came with him. She loved him. And she’d sent him away without allowing him to know that.
Draining her coffee mug, she decided this would be the perfect time to finally drive out to her father’s place. Yes, then afterwards she could head for Sans Souci and join the boys.
In the mudroom, she climbed into her snow gear. Layers of protection were required for proper snow fort building. She was a bit of an expert, having worked on many snow forts with the boys. Once they’d made an entire snow tunnel system starting at the back porch and ending at the woods behind the house. It seemed like an odd skill for a single mother of two to have acquired, but there it was. She was good at anything involving…
