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I still feel awful about it though. It obviously wasn’t supposed to end up this way. I was hoping to not be here for theafter. Still, I’m sorry to my roommate, who’s refusing to talk to me now, and to my brother for having to deal with his adult younger sister.
The coffee is bland but my soul reignites a bit as I sip the hot liquid down. I watch him type for a while, missing my own laptop and wondering what I was working on the night I decided to die. Does it matter? I’m still not sure.
Obviously I won’t be going back to that life. Rehab is in the stars for me now.
My gaze shifts to the nightstand; there’s a black ring next to the lamp. Weird,that definitely wasn’t there yesterday. I set my paper cup down and grab the ring. It’s cold and matte, nothing special about it, no engravings or marks.
It reminds me of the sort of thing my mom used to leave me on my nightstand when I was a child.
She would bring me crystals from her work trips. The memories of her travel stories and the crystals consume me for a few moments before a dark and looming presence steals them away. My mother was a wrathful, cruel woman.
I was expected to be some sort of prodigy in school. Maybe that’s when I first fell sick. I ponder the thought as I run my thumb over the smooth edge of the ring.
“Did you bring this?” I ask as I hold the black ring up to James. He looks up for a brief second before shaking his head and returning his eyes to his screen.
Okay, was it the nurse from last night then? I look over at the door. It’s not like I’m forbidden to leave my room or anything. I shift off the bed and set my feet on the cold floor. The chill from the gray tiles shoots straight through my socks and into the soles of my feet, making me shiver and rub my arms.
“Where are you going?” James stops typing and frowns at me. All this frowning is going to cause him some major wrinkles in a few years.
“I’m going to go stretch my legs. Be back in twenty,” I mumble as I slip on my white hospital-issued slippers and make for the door. James grumbles but the sounds of his keyboard fill the room again, so I know I’m home free.
Time to find that nurse and maybe grab a snack from the cafeteria. I want to eat something other than goddamn pudding.
Hospitals are depressing.
Older folks walk around with the assistance of healthcare providers, and family members of patients are either waiting for bad news or receiving it. Sobs fill the third-floor lobby, and it fucking sucks. I hate walking through this wing.
I tune out the sounds and focus on finding the mystery man from last night. Some of the female nurses look familiar. They must’ve helped me in the first few days after I woke up.
Those days are mostly blurry.
“Hi, can you help me? I’m looking for, um, Nurse Hull?” I ask the receptionist sitting at the circular desk in the center of the lobby. There are three more chairs to her side for other staff members. She gives me a flat expression and looks like she could use an extra shot of expresso in her coffee.
“Hull? He’s off all week.” She gives me another once-over with disapproving eyes. My gaze finds her necklace, a pendant in the shape of a cross, sitting pretty at the base of her neck. Yeah, I suppose I’m pretty low in her view. My pale-pink hair and tattoos probably don’t help either.
“Thanks,” I say with the fakest smile I can conjure as I walk down the hall opposite mine.
He must be here somewhere. Is he even a nurse at all?
I spend the morning walking aimlessly and finding nothing more than sick people and tired workers. I can’t find Nurse Hull anywhere in this fucking place. James comes searching for me after an hour and finds me sharing fries with a nice woman in the cafeteria.
“Do you have any idea how long I’ve been looking for you?”
I glance up and shrug. “I got hungry. Want some?” I offer him a fry and he scowls at me like the world is ending. “Jesus, just say no. Stop with the faces.” I shove a cheese-smothered fry into my mouth. He has that serious look on his face that says he means business and I’m not in the mood to argue. I thank the nice lady for the fries (I didn’t bother remembering her name) and walk back to my room with James.
I nearly jump out of my slippers when I see a ghastly doctor waiting for us. He looks decrepit, with glasses from the 1800s or something and an extremely vexed expression that exaggerates all the wrinkles on his face.
I nudge James. “See, that’s what you’re going to look like if you keep up the scowling.”
He bites back the frown that I know is pulling at his lips and furrows his brows anyway. “Wynn, this is Doctor Prestin. He’s going to evaluate you for commitment to Harlow Sanctum.”
Dr. Prestin extends his hand to me and I shake it with a strained smile. His hands are cold, much like his horrible smile. He smells like peppermint candy and not the good kind. My arm hair raises with goosebumps and my stomach curls.
“Nice to meet you.” I force the words to come out smoothly as I pull my hand back and shove it into the safety of my fluffy sweater, desperately wishing I had sanitizer to scrub over my palm.
His dull brown eyes analyze me from behind his glasses. “A delight, Miss Coldfox. do you think your brother’s suggestion is the right choice? I’m curious about your thoughts on rehabilitation.”
James looks over at me, guilt ebbing in his gaze, but it’s me who should feel horrible. I’m a fucking adult. He shouldn’t have to shoulder my bullshit the way he does.
