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She clasped her hands on the table in front of her, staring down at them. I met Macie’s eyes across the table and craned my head toward the bar. She nodded and grabbed Jeremy’s arm. “I’m hungry. Let’s go order food,” she said.
“What happened?” I asked Penelope quietly. “With the schools.”
She chewed on the inside of her lip. “I knew you’d ask eventually. It’s just… it’s embarrassing to admit.” I opened my mouth to tell her she didn’t need to say anything, but she spoke before I could. “Technically, I forged a recommendation letter in my graduate application at Oxford. They accepted me initially, but after it was discovered that my application was…. fraudulent… they withdrew it. I lost my student visa. I had to move home. It tainted my academic reputation. When I apply to other schools, many of them are informed or find out about my…situationat Oxford. It makes them reconsider accepting me.”
I was the one now chewing on my lip, unsure of how to respond. I was surprised, but somehow, not shocked. I knew Penelope valued her education, and I knew that in a moment of sheer desperation, she may have made a mistake in hopes of securing her future. It wasn’t the right choice, clearly. She was eaten up over it, I could tell. But I wasn’t sure I could blame her for it, either. “Do you think you wouldn’t have been accepted if you hadn’t given them that letter?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I had someone tell me my chances of getting in were low. That I may not have been cut out for the field at all. I got desperate.”
“That someone sounds like an asshole,” I muttered.
“It was one of myprofessors…” She said the word with disdain. “So, I took him seriously. Took his words to heart. I know I shouldn’t have done it.” Her voice was hollow.
I turned toward her. She was staring down at the table. “Pep.” She glanced at me. “I know how seriously you take your education, and if someone like a professor was beating you down, well, I can’t blame you for getting desperate. Do you beat yourself up about it because you know it was wrong and you feel guilty, or because it hurts your chances of getting into other programs?”
“Both,” she admitted. “But the former, mostly.” She said as if it was something she thought about often.
I nodded. Hesitantly, I grabbed her hand underneath the table and squeezed it. “You made a mistake, Pep. You deserve to forgive yourself for it. God knows you’re facing the consequences.” She only shrugged once more. “I know you, Penelope. You’re not the sum of your mistakes. You’re caring, thoughtful, empathetic. You’re good, all the way down to your bones. Don’t let this one thing eat you alive.”
She smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes. As if the words I spoke went into her heart, but not her head. As if she appreciated them but didn’t believe them. I sighed in defeat before giving her hand a final squeeze and pulling mine away.
Macie and Jeremy settled back into their seats.
“Are you going to the conference at Pepperdine?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I don’t think so. It’s next week.”
“Next week is spring break,” Macie cut in.
“Yeah?” Penelope said.
“So, we must go. We can go down there together. You can go to your conference while I lay on the beach in Malibu for three days.” Macie smiled as if she’d hatched a grand plan inside her head.
Penelope began to shake her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea. The cost of the flights and the hotel… it’s too expensive.”
“We’ll split the cost of the hotel. It won’t be too bad,” Macie countered.
“I can probably use my mom’s discount for plane tickets,” I found myself saying. My mom has been a flight attendant for years and gets significant discounts with her airline.
Penelope looked at me, her lips clustered at the side of her mouth in a sly smile. “Are you inviting yourself?”
“No,” I said too quickly, “I just meant for you.”
“Wait, that’s perfect,” Macie said, grinning like her plan was back in action. “If Jeremy and I come, we can help split the cost of lodging, and Carter’s discount can help pay for your flight–”
“If we go, you know Marshall is going to expect to come too,” Jeremy cut in.
Penelope went rigid and began to shake her head.
“Marshall can gofuckhimself,” Macie spit.
Jeremy rolled his eyes. “Calm down, Mace. I’m just saying, he’ll expect to. Why don’t you two just go, make it a girl’s trip?”
“No, I want you to go,” Macie said. She was looking at me when she said it, and it almost felt like she wouldn’t be opposed to a girl’s trip, but for some reason she wanted me to be there more than she cared if Jeremy was. She narrowed her eyes, staring at nothing. We all remained silent as we watched the gears turn in her head. “Marshall thinks there is something between the two of you now,” she said, nodding between Penelope and me. “His fragile ego can’t handle being rejected by a woman, especially when he thinks it’s because of another guy. He’s still burned by what happened last week at the bar–”
Penelope snorted. “He’supset?”
“Let me finish,” Macie held up her hand. “What I’m saying is, if Carter comes, Marshall won’t butt in. Not that I’d allow him anywhere near you, anyway. But because he’s a misogynistic piece of shit, he’ll be a lot more threatened by Carter than by me.”
