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He groaned into my mouth, and I swallowed it like he was water and I was parched. I arched my back, pressing my chest into his and his lips found my neck. He bit down, and then licked the spot where his teeth had been. Nipping and tasting his way down my neck until his lips reached the collar of my cardigan. He pulled at the scoping neckline until it was down past my shoulder. His mouth returned to my body at my collar bone.
He took his time there. He dragged his bottom lip across it, then followed back with his tongue. His fingers crawled up my bare thigh, underneath the hem of my cotton shorts. His mouth caressed my skin as it moved back up my neck, along my jaw, against my ear. I could feel the heat between us, the fire that we’d started with our lips– I could see it spread throughout the space around us. I could hear his heart pounding in rhythm with my own. His mouth found mine once more, and I could again taste the salt water that lingered on his skin. I could smell it in his hair, mixed with the smell of rain and the scent of his shampoo.
All of my senses were enveloped in him. Only he existed.
My hands descended down his chest, until I met the waistband of his shorts. His breath hitched against my mouth as my fingers met the buttons. I could feel him right beneath my fingertips, pressed against his lower abdomen. In a desperate hurry to remove what was between us, I fumbled with his zipper. His own hands moved quicker now, away from their place on my thigh and underneath my sweater. He began to lift it slowly– as if he was savoring each inch of exposed skin he was about to see. Our mouths did not leave each other as we worked to strip away the layers that separated us.
A door slammed in the distance. Too close to be the neighbors. We paused, the defeat in both of our eyes apparent as we pulled away from each other. The gravel outside crunched under two pairs of feet, hushed voices whispered back and forth. His face was slack in disappointment, and I was sure mine read annoyance. We didn’t move, but I noticed him lean away, taking a slight step back. He was still in between my legs, but I could no longer feel the hardness against my thigh. He tugged the neck of my sweater back over my shoulder, his hands moved from my hips and to my face.
He leaned in once more and kissed me. This time it was tender, soft. He took his time with it, not even flinching as the front door opened. The fire between us, moments ago roaring and ready, had simmered into embers. A moment ago had been a promise of what was to come. The kiss he was giving me now was a gift. He pulled away just as the door clicked shut.
Macie and Jeremy appeared in the hall on the other side of the counter. Their expressions held no surprise as they stared after Carter and I. Macie’s expression felt faraway, almost as if she was unaware of her surroundings. Her eyes seemed red and puffy, like she had been crying. I glanced at Carter and noticed his forehead crinkled in worry. He saw it too. Jeremy waved and apologized quietly, making his way toward their bedroom. Macie smiled apologetically. “Sorry,” she whispered.
Carter smiled at me softly, tucking a strand of my hair behind my ear before stepping away and leaning back against the counter. “Mace?” I asked. “Are you okay?”
She laughed unconvincingly. “Yeah, my allergies just really act up around here.” She waved us off. “I’m going to sleep. We have an early flight tomorrow.” Before I could get out another word, she slipped behind the bedroom door.
I huffed, unconvinced by her explanation. She’d never complained to me about allergies before. I looked at Carter, who was still leaning back against the counter, arms crossed, watching me. I chewed on my lip in concern. Carter scooted himself over to me and turned around until he was boxing me in. His body covered mine as I leaned back against the counter. I noticed his eyes roam my face, his expression unreadable. He stopped at my lips, his eyes focused. He paused like he was considering something before dipping his head and pressing his lips to mine. It was soft, hesitant, like it was straining him. It was almost painful– the way his mouth tensed just before he pulled away.
I moved to follow him until I found myself leaning far forward, my eyes popping open to find him leaning back. He tried to smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. I knew he could see that I was still leaning toward him, that I was trying to re-close the gap between us. He shook his head. “Pep,” he whispered, seeming almost frustrated. I wasn’t ready for it to be over. I needed more of him. “We shouldn’t continue.”
I recoiled back against the counter, feeling as if I had been punched. My forehead crinkled with concern. My stomach sank. Earlier in the evening, for one small second, I believed that he may be my person.Thatperson. I thought he felt it too. I was sure he did. Now, the way he looked at me with an apology plastered on his face told me that I was wrong. I was so, so wrong. Maybe everything I saw before wasn’t real. Angry tears built behind my eyes.
The fire in my blood turned to ashes as my heart erupted, magma pouring out of it– soaking me in his rejection.
Chapter Eighteen
Carter
IWINCEDASTHEBATHROOM DOOR SLAMMED shut, shaking the entire house with it.
I let out all of the air trapped in my lungs, blowing out the unspoken words that somehow got lodged inside me. All the things I should’ve said. I watched her face fall. I knew what it looked like—what it felt like—to face rejection upfront. I knew that was what she was feeling.
I had opened my mouth to try and explain myself, but I found that the words wouldn’t come. My voice refused to follow my thoughts. I was too distracted by the devastation I found on her face, too afraid to make it worse. I just stared at her until her cheeks reddened to the point of crimson, and she dropped her head, shoving past me as she muttered something likeI get it,and slammed the bathroom door behind her. I heard the pounding of the shower head from inside the bathroom and figured I’d have about ten minutes before facing her again.
Ten minutes to get my shit together and explain to her that my body often betrays me, and I absolutely did not mean that I didn’t wish to continue kissing her. I’d kiss her forever if she’d let me. But I needed to know what it meant. I needed to know if this was just a release or something more. I needed to at least try and protect my tormented soul, my agonized body.
Plus, I couldn’t continuehere. Because her friends were in the other room. Because I didn’t want to fuck her on a shitty sofa bed. Because by the way she was touching me, I couldn’t be sure I’d even make it to the couch before losing myself completely. I just have trouble speaking when she looks at me a certain way. In those moments when she’s zoned in on me, focusing on my mouth as if she’s trying to guess what I’m going to say before I say it. Her eyes deepen and stretch, her lips part slightly, her brows raise, and her cheeks flush. When she is hanging onto my words as if anything I could say could make or break her world.
In those moments, I lose the ability to speak.
Knowing me, as soon as I would try explaining that I’d lose my words again, or I’d say something equally as stupid. I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, untangling the curls that had wound together when whipped through the beach breeze. The room felt colder than it had a minute ago, quieter too. The absence of her was palpable and I couldn’t stand here helplessly while I waited for her. I stepped outside onto the veranda. The ocean wasn’t visible in the darkness, but the sound of the crashing waves reminded me of its presence. It soothed me as I caught my breath and waited for Penelope.
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it felt like more than ten minutes. I leaned back in my chair and glanced through the window. The bathroom door was ajar, and the light was no longer on. She must’ve been done in there, though the living room looked dark too. As quietly as I could, I snuck back inside the house. She was nowhere to be found. The bed-slash-couch was empty, the bathroom and kitchen dark and barren. I darted towards the front door to check if she was outside– if she had left.
Where would she have gone in the middle of the night? Could I have upset her that much?
A door creaked and footsteps padded in the hall behind me. Somehow, by the sound of them alone, I knew they weren’t Penelope’s. She tended to stomp everywhere she went, even when she thought she was being stealthy. I turned around to find Jeremy standing in the hall. His lips clustered to the side of his mouth as he gave me an evident shrug. “She’s in there,” he said, craning his head towards the bedroom door.
I blew out my nose and hid a smile. “She kicked you out of bed, then?”
“I was already on the floor.” I tilted my head in confusion. “Mace and I got into it earlier.”
“I’m sorry,” I said.
He waved his hand. “She’ll get over it. You know how dramatic she is.” Rolling his eyes, he added, “Looks like you’re not faring much better.”
I tried to ignore what he said about Macie. “I’m just an idiot.”
