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“Everyone who's in love is an idiot,” he chuckled as he strode into the kitchen and got a glass of water.
I gripped the back of my neck. “Yeah, I guess so.”
“Good luck,” he chimed as he returned to the bedroom.
? ? ?
“I booked two first-class seats. One under Edwards and the other under Mason.” I said to the airline agent as I slid my driver’s license across the counter. “I’m Carter Edwards. Penelope Mason will follow me in a moment to check-in herself.” The agent nodded absently as he checked my identification and typed something into the computer in front of him. “I’m going to need you to tell her we got a first-class upgrade. She thinks I booked us in the main cabin.”
The young man paused and looked me over. “You want me to lie to your girlfriend for you?”
“Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend.Yet. And she’s actually kind of mad at me right now. If she knew I upgraded her flight and paid for it without telling her, it would just make things worse.” I spoke quickly as I heard Macie’s voice from somewhere behind me.
He smirked. “She would beupsetthat you paid to have her flight upgraded?”
“She’s independent.” I shrugged, hiding a prideful smile. “She’s the one with the red hair. Please, please, lie for me,” I pleaded one last time as I stepped back from the podium.
Penelope skirted past me to the counter but didn’t look at me. She greeted the agent in a kindness that was in stark contrast to the coldness she showed me. He looked at me with an eyes-wide expression, and a smirk. “Well, Miss Mason, it appears that you have received a first-class upgrade. Congratulations.” He smiled as he handed her the boarding pass. She whipped around to scowl at me. Her eyes narrowed in accusation. The agent cleared his throat. “Um. Mr. Edwards booked your tickets using a friends and family discount through the airline. We always put these bookings on first-class standby in case the main cabin is overbooked. It looks like you guys got lucky,” he lied.
Her face relaxed slightly, but she didn’t smile. She accepted the boarding pass and thanked the agent before she took off towards the line for security.Thank you,I mouthed to the agent.
“Only because she seems like a keeper.”
We made it through the security in awkward silence. Only Penelope and Macie were in conversation. It seemed as if Jeremy hadn’t had a chance to sort things out with Macie either. Both girls ignored our presence as we sat at the gate. Jeremy and I shot each other side-long glances every so often. I understood why Penelope was ignoring me– why she was upset. I also understood that the moment we stepped onto that plane, she’d have nowhere to go, and I’d make things better then. I’d let her sulk for now if that’s what made her feel in control at this moment.
She didn’t speak to me as we waited to board. Not as we crossed the jet bridge and entered the plane. Not even when she sat down and I filed in next to her. She was trying to be angry, but the only emotion I saw on her face was hurt. It destroyed me to know I’d caused it. I took one final deep breath as I threw my backpack down at my feet and sat next to her, knowing she’d have nowhere to run. Knowing she had no choice but to hear me out. I wasn’t going to sit here in silence for the next three hours and then allow her to run away again once we got home. I didn’t want to do this on a plane, but I had no other choice because I knew if I didn’t do it now, she wouldn’t give me the chance to once we returned.
“Are we going to talk about last night, or are you going to run away again?” I asked as she fastened her buckle.
“I don’t really have anywhere to go.” She waved her hand about, in reference to the fact we were on the airplane and I was in the aisle seat, blocking her exit.
Exactly.
I rolled my eyes. “Is that the only reason you’re not running?”
I waited for her to respond, and a long minute passed in silence before I had the nerve to look at her. Her head was leaning against the window. I think she was afraid to look at me too. “I can’t be casual about this, Carter. I can’t just kiss you like it means nothing.”
“Believe me. There was nothing casual about the way I kissed you last night.”
She turned her head to meet my gaze. Her eyes bore into me with enough intensity I felt like I may dissolve right there. “I can’t fall in love with you,” she said, barely above a whisper.
I let my head fall back against the seat behind me.Yes, you can.I wanted to scream.
Fall in love with me. Fall in love with me. Fall in-fucking-love with me.
Her words sounded like daggers and felt like a stab into my stomach. “And why is that?”
“Because…” She paused, looking defeated. “You’ve rejected me twice already. First at the club, and again last night. I– if you’re not interested in me that way, we need to put a stop to things right now.” She looked away from me again. In a tone much more timid than before she said, “Every time I’m with you it feels like I’m flying. But when you push away it feels like falling. When you reject me, it feels like my heart is imploding and… I just can’t.” She shook her head, and for the first time I realized that she might be struggling to find the words too.
Every time I’m with you it feels like I’m flying.
Flying. Soaring. Swimming through clouds.
I inhaled deeply, my chest constricting almost to the point of pain. Like my body had forgotten how to breathe. Like I hadn’t been breathing for years, and air was just now entering my lungs again for the first time. It’s happened before– this feeling. A couple of times when I’d fall off my board while surfing and gotten sucked underneath a wave. Being flipped and kicked and whirled within the water, not knowing which way is up or down. Forgetting how to swim. Going so long without oxygen I was sure I’d die but somehow just kept moving. Both times it happened to me, my feet hit the ground and everything else righted itself. I was able to push off the bottom, straight up towards the surface. When my head broke the water, it felt like I had to teach myself to breathe again. I would suck in gulp after gulp of air, to the point I was almost choking on it. That is what Penelope’s revelation felt like. Like I had been stuck beneath a wave all this time. Unsure of where to go, of what I was doing, or how I’d escape. Her imploding heart is the earth beneath my feet, and I am just now pushing up towards the surface, breaking it and breathing again.
I haven’t breathed in five years.
I interlaced my hands and flexed them side to side. I had to find a way to explain to her exactly how I feel about her. To convince her that shecanfall in love with me. To tell her that I fell in love with her years ago, and I’ve been waiting for her all this time. I steadied my breathing before I spoke again. “Do you know the first thing I loved about you?”
