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She whimpered in agreement.
I groaned at that too.
? ? ?
She fell asleep within twenty minutes of reaching the truck. I think I was beginning to admire that trait about her. She could sleep anywhere, and she did. Whether the plane or the car, or her near daily after-work naps. She was a frequent napper and became rather cranky when she didn’t get one. She slept the entirety of the drive home.
The evening was turning into night as the colors of the trees faded into nothing but shades of black and blue and gray. As we closed in on the Coastal Range, dense fog settled in around us. Once we passed the Brighton Bay city limit, I placed my hand on her thigh and shook her lightly. “Pep, we’re almost home,” I whispered.
She began to stir, opening her eyes and blinking a few times before nodding. She shifted in her seat and was silent for a few minutes. As we grew closer to our houses, she reached between her legs and pulled something out of her bag, setting it on the dash in front of her. “Just returning this,” she said.
I noticed it was the book I gave her last week. I attempted to hide my disappointment as I asked, “How much did you read?”
“I finished it.”
The disappointment was wiped from my features. “You finished it?”
“Yes.” She smiled. “It was really good. You were right, I– I think I did enjoy living there for a little while.”
Something like pride exploded inside my chest. I craned my neck behind me. “Look beneath the back driver’s seat.”
She raised a brow but turned around and looked down. She pulled the bookstore bag from the floorboard behind my seat. She opened it, finding the full series set, brand new. “Carter.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d ever finish the first book, and I wasn’t sure if you’d be ready for that. But I wanted to be prepared in case you did. In case you loved it.”
I moved my eyes from the road only for a second to see her expression. Her eyes were glassy. Her face stunned. Breathless. “Thank you.”
I smiled. “I kept that book for a while. I thought you’d like it, so I held onto it just in case.” I glanced at her again, her eyes were glued to me, hanging onto my words. “In case we ever found our way back to each other.”
My next words flowed from my mouth effortlessly, as if my body knew there was nothing it needed to hold back from her any longer. “When I moved to Hawaii, I was still reeling over our kiss, still reeling over you. I felt lost. Half of me wanted to board a plane to London instead of Honolulu. I wanted to come after you. I got to the airport hours before my flight. I begged the Universe for a sign on what I should do. I wanted you– I’d always wanted you, Pep. But more than that, I wanted what was best for you. I wasn’t sure if that was me. While I was trying to make a decision, I foundThe Alchemistin the airport bookstore. I read it right there in one sitting and decided to follow through with moving to Hawaii.
“About two years later I stumbled upon that book,” I nodded toward the one in her lap, “and it made me think of you. At first, I thought it was a sign that I should go after you. But then I realized it was a sign I should do the opposite. That I was already on the right track because if I had never gone to Hawaii, I may have never stumbled upon that random book in the random garage sale I was at with my mom that day. I thought maybe it was a sign I should hold onto it– wait. I knew that the Universe would bring you back someday if that’s how it was supposed to work out. I knew that you were where you needed to be. And for whatever reason, Hawaii was where I needed to be at the time too. So, I kept waiting.”
Only silence followed my admission. Long, agonizing silence. I threw a few glances her way as we drove through the darkening town. Each time, her head was dropped, staring down at her hands clasped between her legs.
“You waited five years for me,” she said in a whisper that sounded almost heart broken.
“Yes,” I answered, even though it wasn’t a question. “I knew I wasn’t capable of falling in love unless you walked back into my life.” I exhaled deeply. “And I’d wait five years again. Ten. Hell, I’d wait this whole lifetime for you if it meant I could have you in the next one.” I looked at her again. “You are what I’ve been conspiring to achieve, Penelope. You. Always you.”
She shook her head. “I’m sorry.”
Her head still cast down, her hands between her legs. I looked back at the road then looked at her again as it registered that her shoulders were shaking lightly.She’s crying.I turned down our residential street just as the realization set in. I didn’t respond until I’d pulled into my parent’s driveway and killed the engine.
“Pep.” I faced her. “Why are you crying?”
“I don’t think I deserve you.”
I unbuckled myself and threw up the center armrest. I tried to scooch closer to her, but she shrugged away, leaning against the window. Her tears were quiet. I almost couldn’t see the streams that fell down her face in the darkness, but I knew they were there.
“Penelope, why are you saying this?”
She faced away from me, staring out the window. “I have nothing to offer you.”
“I’m not asking for anything from you. It’s not about deserving, Penelope. You do not need to earn my love, or anyone else’s. I need you to understand that.” I sighed. “Can you look at me?”
She shook her head. I settled into my seat, refusing to get out of the truck until she spoke to me. Long moments passed, only the sound of her tears filling the space around us.
Finally, she turned towards me, but refused to meet my eyes. “Carter, you are not a ray of sunshine, you are the entire sun. You bring joy, brightness, and warmth to everyone you come across. You deserve the sun, too.” She looked at me, finally. “But, if you’re the sun, then I’m the moon. Dark and dull.”
