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Sneaking across the street felt dangerously close to a walk of shame, though I wasn’t sure why. It likely had something to do with the way my hair sprouted from my head, flailing in all different directions. Or the fact that I hadn’t washed the shirt I was wearing in a week. Or maybe that I’d put on Carter’s shoes instead of my own, which I’d failed to notice until I was standing at my front door. We had similar pairs of slip-on sandals, except his were about three sizes bigger than mine.
Hoping I’d be able to sneak up stairs before anyone noticed me, I unlocked the door and slipped inside. My hopes were stopped short when my mother’s face peeked past the wall that separated the kitchen from the entryway. She tilted her head. “Penelope?”
“Hi,” I whispered.
“I thought you were at Macie’s?”
My sister then stepped out of the kitchen, past my mother, and looked me up and down. Her eyebrow flicked in accusation. It was clear she had assumptions about what I had actually been doing last night. What concerned me was her assumptions of who I may have been doing those things with– and if she’d voice them.
I pointed at the door behind me with my thumb. “Yeah, she just dropped me off. I have some news. Is dad up yet?”
I walked into the kitchen, just realizing how suspicious it was that I didn’t have a bag with me. I’d left everything at Carter’s as if I was casually strolling over to my parent’s and would be right back. I also realized, subconsciously at least, that’s what my intention had been. Even though it made no sense. My mom glided down the hall to my parents’ bedroom to get my dad. My sister stared at me as if she was searching me for evidence.
“Whose shoes are those?” she asked.
My toes curled under her stare. “Macie’s boyfriend. I spilled wine on mine last night and so he lent me these.” I almost winced at how bad the excuse was.
She nodded, unconvinced. “You’ve been staying at Macie’s a lot lately.”
“Congratulations on your observation,” I muttered.
Our parents’ door opened as they both breezed through it. My father still looked groggy, his dark hair uncombed and messy. My mother had always been an early bird. She was in loungewear, but it was clear she had already showered this morning. She handed an already made cup of coffee to my father as they gathered around the kitchen. “Do we need to call Easton?” my dad asked.
I shrugged. “Not right now. It’s not worth waking him.”
I dove into the news with them, relaying the information that Carter and I had discovered this morning. I told them I hadn’t ironed out the details, but that I had gotten in. That was all that mattered. My father gushed with pride, and my mother teared. I willed myself not to cry again as well. I felt the relief flood and settle through all of us. As if this wound in our relationship may just begin to heal.
Maddie leaned in for a congratulatory hug. “I knew the news must’ve been good, given that you were braving a walk of shame to share it,” she whispered. Flustered, I pulled away from her but she held me in place. “But for real, Pep. You deserve it. All of it. I’m really happy for you.”
She just called me Pep.
It’d been years since anyone had called me that except Carter. Her words felt weighted as she let me go. I could only smile at my sister, who somehow was looking like a woman. She was devious and playful and meddlesome. Carter told me once that Macie reminded him of her, and I could see it too. Also, like Macie, Maddie was fierce and loyal. She’d always supported me, believed me. From that very first night I came back from England, she’d been my rock in the most discreet of ways. As I looked at her, I felt a wave of gratitude wash over me. It felt foreign and overwhelming, as if it was something that didn’t wholly belong to me.
I shook it off, those threatening tears pounding behind my eyes. I cleared my throat. “Thank you.” Blinking rapidly, I turned toward the hallway. “I’m going to go get ready for work. I’m meeting Macie for coffee before school so I can tell her the good news.” I smiled.
Until Maddie’s palm hit against her forehead.
My father’s forehead creased. “But weren’t you just with Macie? You haven’t told her?”
Fuck.
“Right. Yeah, well, I wanted to tell you guys first.”
My mother snorted, as if she didn’t believe me either. I realized it was obvious at this point that I had not been with Macie last night, or likely any of the other nights this week. It was painfully obvious that I had been with a guy. Maybe it was even obvious I had been with Carter, but I wasn’t ready to dive into that with them. My father shrugged, his way of letting it go. I followed suit as I bounded up the stairs. My sister’s stifled laugh was trailing behind me.
? ? ?
A massive cinnamon roll and a steaming mug of coffee sat on the table in front of the empty seat next to Macie as I walked into the coffee shop. “A cinnamon roll?” I asked.
She beamed. “I hear congratulations are in order.”
I frowned. “Who told you?”
She nodded toward the front counter of the coffee shop. I found myself surprised that I was able to make it inside and to our table without noticing him. Carter leaned against the counter and watched me with a smile. “You ruined the surprise!” I shouted across the room at him.
The barista handed him his coffee and he walked toward Macie and I. He set his drink down at our table and stood behind my chair. Leaning in against my face he said, “I know how you hate surprises.” He kissed my cheek. “And Macie is annoyingly persistent.”
I shrugged because I couldn’t argue with him. Macie watched the both of us with a fascination that was almost childlike. He grabbed his drink and backed away toward the door. He pushed it open with his hip, mouthing,love you, at me before leaving.
