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“Damn,” Mecca muttered. “Is this sexual, or do you want more and you’re too afraid to admit it?”
I thought about his question, sincerely. Up until Amelia became the topic of conversation, I had always been a logical man. A man of communication and truth. With her invading my thoughts, I was afraid to be honest about how I felt. Afraid that admission would lead to action that would change everything.
“I don’t know.”
“Nah, that’s bullshit,” Parker said.
“You know damn well that you know, even if you don’t want to say it,” Mecca added.
“I don’t know,” I stressed. “I’m not allowing myself to think about that. To explore it. We got too much to lose.”
Sucking his teeth, Parker’s head shook as he sat up in his seat. “You can’t be scared when it comes to love. You gotta go all in. You think I wasn’t scared shitless to ask Carina to marry me after a little over two months?” He chuckled. “I figured… all she could do was say no, and I would wait, because she was the one. You’ve known Milli long enough to know if she’s worth taking a chance on. You just have to be brave enough to admit it and do it.”
“I think the two of you should have sex,” Mecca said, completely catching me off guard. As protective as he was of Milli, I’m surprised those words even came from his mouth.
“Nah, that’ll blur the lines even more,” Parker said.
“Not for him,” Mecca continued. “Sex and relationships up until now have been things he can control. When a woman is the one, both are beyond your control. You find yourself surrendering to her for her service and doing whatever you can to please her. To keep her happy. To keep her as yours. If you’re in denial about wanting to be with her, take things to the next level. Once you make love to her,nothingis going to stop you from wanting to make her yours permanently. You won’t want anyone else to experience her in that way again.”
“I have to agree,” Parker said. “On the off-chance y’all aren’t meant to be, the sex can get the desire out of your system and make you stop questioning what if. If y’all are meant to be, like he said, you’re going to do whatever it takes to make her yours.”
I believed the Bible when it said God would never put a temptation on us that we couldn’t overcome. My desire for Amelia was growing, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I wanted someone I couldn’t have, or if she was the one and my eyes were finally being opened to that. There was only one way for me to find out. Excusing myself from the table, I pulled my phone out and dialed Milli’s number. She answered, and that low, raspy voice had me biting down on my lip.
“Hey, Ru.”
“Hey. So listen… I’m going to get a room at the Peabody, and I want you to join me for the night. Can you do that?”
I waited as she remained silent. So silent I had to look at the phone to make sure she was still there. “Milli?”
Clearing her throat, she stuttered, “U-uh y-yeah. I’m here.”
“Good. I need you here. Will you come to me, so you can cum for me?”
“This is just sex?”
“I don’t know. We’ll talk about that in the morning. What do you say?”
Nineteen
Amelia
“I’m falling in love with my best friend,” I blurted, causing Shalom and Carina to stare at me with gaped mouths. They fell into a fit of laughter that made me cross my arms over my chest. “Hey! This is serious,” I whined.
“Okay, okay. We’re sorry,” Shalom said, grabbing Carina’s wrist as their laughter died down.
“What is going on, sis?” Carina asked. “I thought you had a thing about never having sex with or dating your male friends?”
“I did, and I’ve kept that rule in place since I graduated from college. Amaru has me wanting to change that.”
“Since when?” Shalom asked.
“Since I started paying attention to how good of a man he really is.” My shoulders slouched as my eyes watered. “How consistent and loyal he is. How stable and secure he is. How safe he is. And after the wedding, I started… being more dissatisfied with Darron. I plunged headfirst when he mentioned marriage, but the truth is, the sex wasn’t good enough and he never made me feel secure with him. I fucked around and mentioned that to Ru and his response, though short, made me think some nasty things about him that I haven’t been able to put to rest.”
Carina fanned herself as she grinned. “Chile, the only thing that puts those kinds of thoughts to rest is sex. You need to get it out of your system. Otherwise, you’re going to forever wonder what if.”
Shalom’s head shook. “I don’t know if I agree. What if things get messy and it ruins their friendship?”
“That’s been my concern,” I admitted. “I don’t want to do anything to ruin what we have going on. Not just for us, but the kids.”
