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“You always are.” He took my hand into his and kissed it. “You’ve been there for us from the beginning. You’ve been more of a mother to AJ than she has. I probably don’t say it enough, but I’m grateful to have you in our lives, Milli. You don’t have to do nearly half the things you do for him, whether you’re my best friend or not, and I appreciate you for it all.”
“I love the little guy like he is my son. It’s easy to be there for him. Plus, you’re the same way with my daughter.”
“That night we kissed, I hated that you pulled away,” he confessed. “I wanted more.” He kissed my hand again. “I wantedeverything. But you were right. What we have is far too important to risk it for a night of pleasure.”
“I’m glad we’re on the same page,” was what I said, but hearing him finally admit to wanting to take things to the next level had my pussy leaking.
I had to remind myself the next level didn’t mean a loving, forever relationship. It meant sex with my best friend. And though that sounded amazing, it wasn’t worth risking the stable family unit we’d built for our children.
Especially now that Veronica and Darron wouldn’t be in their lives. So as much as I wanted to spread my legs and pull him closer, I gave him a kiss on the top of his head and caressed him until he finally went to sleep.
Eighteen
Amaru
Adam was released three days later, and like I promised I would, I took him downtown so he could be processed. He was looking at a suspended license, six months in prison, and a five hundred dollar fine. The only thing I was concerned about was six months in prison. Typically they didn’t give that until the third offense, so I wanted to know why the D.A. had that on the table. He may have been trying to make an example out of my brother, because lately, there has been a lot of sleeping behind the wheel. Because there was technically no law against it, people weren’t taking it seriously.
“You wanna talk about what’s going on with you?” I asked Adam as I drove on the interstate.
“Whachu mean?”
Scoffing, I looked over at him briefly. “You could’ve killed yourself or someone else. Now is not the time to play games, Adam.”
His head hung as it shook. When he didn’t reply immediately, I figured he was going to ignore me, as usual. The second I heard sobs erupting from deep within him, I pulled over as quickly, yet safely, as I possibly could. Getting out of the car, I rushed over to his side and pulled him into my arms.
“He wasn’t supposed to die that young, man,” he sobbed, forcing me to close my eyes so I wouldn’t shed my own tears. “A fucking heart attack? And he’s just gone. No warning, no time to prepare. Nothing. My daddy is fucking gone, and I’m supposed to just live like a huge part of me ain’t missing.”
I didn’t know what the hell to say, so I just held him. I figured that was better than saying the wrong thing. When he was composed, we got back in the car, and I figured it was best to take him to Mama instead of back home.
“I don’t know what to say, but I know you can’t keep doing what you’re doing. Working yourself to death won’t change the fact that he’s…”
When I couldn’t finish, he laughed. “You still can’t say that shit, huh? He’sdead, Amaru. You not acknowledging it won’t change the fact that he’s gone.”
Swallowing hard, I blinked back tears. “You overworking yourself doesn’t change that. All it does is put you in a position to hurt yourself or someone else. Now I’m not going to be able to console Mama if she loses you because you got into a fatal accident or because you killed someone and went to prison for vehicular homicide. I don’t know what it will take to get your mind at peace enough to not feel the need to avoid your thoughts and feelings with work. I’m glad you haven’t turned to drugs or alcohol, but this is clearly just as dangerous. If you can tell me what to do to help you, I swear to God I will.”
He thought over my question for a while before saying, “Honestly, bruh, I don’t know. But when I figure it out, I’ll tell you.”
“Can you at least promise me that you’ll stop working as much and get some rest?”
“Yeah.” His head bobbed. “I can do that.”
At this point, his agreement was good enough for me.
* * *
Mecca and Parker were deep in conversation, and I was half listening. Because of AJ, I didn’t go out with them often. Tonight, I needed the distraction. I was horny as hell, and I didn’t want to call Taylor to chase my nut. I wanted it to be Milli. We’d talked and agreed that, even though we wanted each other, it was best if we didn’t take it there. It was getting harder and harder to keep that pact.
We were having drinks at a downtown hotel, and my leg shook violently under the table as I tried to force myself not to get a room and have Amelia meet me there. After chugging my beer and wiping my mouth, I blurted, “I want Milli.”
Their laughter died down, and they both stared at me.
“How?” Mecca asked.
With a shrug, I massaged my temple. “I don’t know.”
“Where is this coming from?” Parker asked.
“I don’t know. Just seems like last month, out of nowhere, I started looking at her differently. It was just before your wedding.”
